Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how everyone knows so much about others' finances?

128 replies

bluegreygreen · 15/10/2022 10:35

Lots of threads on here at the moment about money issues, as you might expect.

What has surprised me is how many people seem to know so much about their friends'/families' finances.

I have read threads comparing OP's rent to the neighbours' mortgage payment, and others complaining about friends or siblings being helped out financially because they 'earn x amount per month' or 'their outgoings are only y'.

I have never spoken to anyone other than my husband and the bank about our mortgage payment. I don't know what my neighbours earn. Is this unusual?

OP posts:
MeowMeowPowerRangers · 15/10/2022 10:36

I think most people ASSUME what others make/get.

Me and DH don't discuss money with anyone, yet his family managed to work out how much we get a month. Blush

Octomore · 15/10/2022 10:38

Yeah, I think it's mainly assumptions, but stated as fact. And will probably be quite wide of the mark in many cases.

Octomore · 15/10/2022 10:39

Me and DH don't discuss money with anyone, yet his family managed to work out how much we get a month.

When you say "get", do you mean earnings or something like UC?

If someone is in a public sector job with published bandings, I can see how they'd be able to estimate salary.

SuperlativeOxymoron · 15/10/2022 10:47

Beside my mortgage broker and dh, we've spoken to my dad and dh mum and about our earnings/outgoings, but then my dad is a financial advisor so has a pretty good understanding of finances and affordability and MiL is a mortgage advisor so we tend to get her to look over products with us. (They probably talk to mum and FiL, who tend to be about when we talk about these things anyway)

I know nothing about their finances and that's not my business.

I think most people on here (and in real life) guess and assume, I know I am guilty of doing it with friends in the past.

DoraSpenlow · 15/10/2022 10:50

I know more than I want to about my neighbour's finances because she is always telling me about them. I really don't want to know.

Original poster
bluegreygreen · 15/10/2022 10:53

Fair point that it may be just assumption!

Some recent threads comparing rent/mortgage payments were so definite that I hadn't considered that. 😳

OP posts:
Whistlesandbell · 15/10/2022 10:55

I don’t know any of my friend’s or their DH’s salaries apart from one friend who is train to be a teacher. Same regarding mortgages, I do however know most peoples fuel bills as it’s topical at the moment. I have no idea how much my friends and family have saved.
My DH earns a large salary and I’ve had the odd comment such as ‘you guys are obviously very comfortable but you don’t make a thing of it’. I wasn’t sure if this was fishing for info or just a nice thing to say to a friend.

FavouriteDogMug · 15/10/2022 10:57

I can understand it more in family or close friends but I wouldn't discuss it with neighbours or acquaintances, but some people do talk about everything.

PenCreed · 15/10/2022 11:02

If someone is in a public sector job with published bandings, I can see how they'd be able to estimate salary.

Only if they know/understand the banding. I’d be surprised if my friends knew which band DH or I were on. I only know which band friends in similar jobs are on when they change job! And DH’s banding works differently to mine so even I don’t quite grasp it sometimes. Every public sector organisation seems to differ slightly!

HighlandPony · 15/10/2022 11:02

I speak to every one of my friends about it. And family members around the same age as me. They do too, it’s normal.
we tap each other money, we watch each other’s kids so whoever needs to can go take a shift at the farm or at the scrappies or on the cleaning etc. we answer each other’s doors and tell the greenwoods or provvy wifey that they’re no in when there’s no money to pay it. We also know each other’s got a bonus or won a scratch card or the bingo, when someone’s mans got a good contract come in and needs Labour etc. it’s pretty weird not to

ChilliBandit · 15/10/2022 11:05

People tend to tell me about their finances because I’m an accountant and they are angling for free advice. I’m not a financial advisor but people don’t always understand the different roles. As a family we are pretty open about money. Just different ways of doing things.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/10/2022 11:05

I know a fair bit about finances for some of my closest friends and also for my DSis. We are not coy about talking about it. However, I never post about their finances on MN though!Wink

Octomore · 15/10/2022 11:06

HighlandPony · 15/10/2022 11:02

I speak to every one of my friends about it. And family members around the same age as me. They do too, it’s normal.
we tap each other money, we watch each other’s kids so whoever needs to can go take a shift at the farm or at the scrappies or on the cleaning etc. we answer each other’s doors and tell the greenwoods or provvy wifey that they’re no in when there’s no money to pay it. We also know each other’s got a bonus or won a scratch card or the bingo, when someone’s mans got a good contract come in and needs Labour etc. it’s pretty weird not to

I think this is very unusual these days. I come from a WC background, but I don't know anyone who's making a living by doing ad hoc shifts at the scrapyard. Most WC people I know are in some form of regular work or employment (inc. a fair few self employed trades).

Octomore · 15/10/2022 11:07

ChilliBandit · 15/10/2022 11:05

People tend to tell me about their finances because I’m an accountant and they are angling for free advice. I’m not a financial advisor but people don’t always understand the different roles. As a family we are pretty open about money. Just different ways of doing things.

I get this too!

My specialism is not individuals, but people ask anyway.

HighlandPony · 15/10/2022 11:25

Octomore · 15/10/2022 11:06

I think this is very unusual these days. I come from a WC background, but I don't know anyone who's making a living by doing ad hoc shifts at the scrapyard. Most WC people I know are in some form of regular work or employment (inc. a fair few self employed trades).

Show quote history

Most of the women do cash jobs. Take a shift here or there on the cleaning is probably the most common but you can get a shift in the pub or the club too. There’s a few of us will do the scrappies but you need to have a ‘presence’ coz you spend all day shouting at grown men to “PUT A FUCKING HI VIZ ON”, “are you fuck going up there in sliders ya daft tumshie” or the old “aye just the transit wipers for you the day Davy? WFAT ABOOT THE POCKET FULL OF FUSES YOUVE LIFTED ON THE FIVE FINGER DISCOUNT YA CHEEKY BASSA?!”

There isn’t that much regular work here unless it’s skilled trade or care work and you’re ducked for care work if you’ve got a criminal record. Even most of hospitality is seasonal and there’s a lot of men who no longer work in the fishing or the oil or the forces that are waiting for someone needing a labourer. Everyone talks about finances. Everyone helps each other out. I’ve got seven regular women I’ll either bring in to help with a big job but there’s only two of them can do my regular home help clients coz the rest have unspent convictions.

Hawkins001 · 15/10/2022 11:37

bluegreygreen · 15/10/2022 10:35

Lots of threads on here at the moment about money issues, as you might expect.

What has surprised me is how many people seem to know so much about their friends'/families' finances.

I have read threads comparing OP's rent to the neighbours' mortgage payment, and others complaining about friends or siblings being helped out financially because they 'earn x amount per month' or 'their outgoings are only y'.

I have never spoken to anyone other than my husband and the bank about our mortgage payment. I don't know what my neighbours earn. Is this unusual?

Usually it depends on the family dynamics or friendship groups. some are more open about different aspects ect

Calandor · 15/10/2022 11:48

It's old fashioned not to discuss finances IMO. I know all my colleagues and friends salaries and generally rent/mortgage. Transparency lets people know if they're being ripped off or short changed as it gives you a general idea of what you should be earning and paying.

Octomore · 15/10/2022 11:54

Knowing someone else's mortgage doesn't tell you anything though. It's dependent on too many factors - when they bought, when they got their fixed rate, what their deposit was, whether they had family help, what their term is....

Knowing that Sarah down the road only pays £500 on her mortgage doesn't mean that my mortgage of £1,000 on the same sort of house is a rip off. It just means my mortgage is bigger, on a higher rate or being paid over a shorter term than hers.

Octomore · 15/10/2022 11:54

Rent is different, as there's such a thing as a market rate. But mortgages, knowing what other people pay is meaningless.

TheHauntedPencilCase · 15/10/2022 12:31

My DP isn't British and thinks nothing of asking people about their finances and discussing ours. They think it's weird not to ask so we know quite a bit about others financial position 😂

worriedatthistime · 15/10/2022 12:32

Lots of people do speak about finances and if someone is a cashier at tesco you can take a good guess there wages etc , where I work you know roughly how much everyone earns within a few thousand and its all advertised when jobs fo and pay grades etc

luckylavender · 15/10/2022 12:34

bluegreygreen · 15/10/2022 10:35

Lots of threads on here at the moment about money issues, as you might expect.

What has surprised me is how many people seem to know so much about their friends'/families' finances.

I have read threads comparing OP's rent to the neighbours' mortgage payment, and others complaining about friends or siblings being helped out financially because they 'earn x amount per month' or 'their outgoings are only y'.

I have never spoken to anyone other than my husband and the bank about our mortgage payment. I don't know what my neighbours earn. Is this unusual?

People are nosy & love to gossip

worriedatthistime · 15/10/2022 12:34

I also know what many people at works mortgages etc are as they discuss it , how long left etc

Pollyputthekettleonha · 15/10/2022 12:41

I don't really discuss finances or salaries with anyone, and I don't know what others earn. I could hazard a guess if I gave it enough headspace. But then you just start comparing yourself to others don't you? That could be a slippery slope.

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/10/2022 12:41

Never discuss money with friends and family.