To wonder how everyone knows so much about others' finances?

[bluegreygreen]

Lots of threads on here at the moment about money issues, as you might expect.

What has surprised me is how many people seem to know so much about their friends'/families' finances.

I have read threads comparing OP's rent to the neighbours' mortgage payment, and others complaining about friends or siblings being helped out financially because they 'earn x amount per month' or 'their outgoings are only y'.

I have never spoken to anyone other than my husband and the bank about our mortgage payment. I don't know what my neighbours earn. Is this unusual?

@LimpBiskit love this! You are #GOALS

YANBU

I know little about anyone’s finances (because it is none of my business nor my concern unless they talk to me personally) and what I do know are from other people hence is why I don’t talk about our families personal finances to other people other than my husband. I can just as easily research things on the internet without talking and disclosing such information.

Sone people are just incredibly nosy and have a ridiculous need to compare themselves with others. I didn’t even know it was a thing to go online and Google people’s cars and homes. I find that very off-putting.

I'm in a public sector job but our payscale is quite complicated if you don't understand it, actually over half my colleagues don't understand it even though they're on it! You move to the second point after 12 weeks and you skip the 3rd point if you qualified after 2018, there's a few other little quirks....then allowances, weekend/nightshift pay and overtime add around another 18-20k a year. If any of my friends and neighbours have ever tried to guess my salary then I'm sure they've underestimated by quite a lot.

In my experience it's friends on low salaries that are more open about their finances, I have quite a few friends who work in preschool teaching and they would openly complain about how little they get per hour (and rightly so). In college, working minimum or low wage part time jobs we always openly discussed wages. As you earn more, you get cagier about sharing details.

I mean… there are lots of lawyers, teachers, accountants and people in the charity sector in my social circle. I’m an ex-lawyer. If someone tells me they are a 6 years PQE at Linklaters I can make a good guess at their salary (though, crucially, excluding bonus). If you are in the same or a related role I don’t think it’s so difficult to work out.

DH however usually tells people that he is a programmer. He actually runs a large team at a major tech company. “Programmer” encompasses anything from someone designing websites in their bedroom, to Bill Gates. And the fuckers all dress in hoodies and free t shirts so you never know

I agree it’s just assumptions. My friends could work out what I earn as I’m in the public sector. I don’t know what my friends earn, but I can make a guess - eg one is a care assistant, one works for the local authority, another’s husband works for a well know bank. One friend made a comment about not receiving child benefit etc, so you can make a guess. But you have no clue on their outgoings

No it is not assumptions. People tell me.

Yes, my daughter's once best friend , so her mother asked me how much I earn in my job, how much I'm selling the property for and she knows my husband is a private tutor. I replied to her because I know she was dying from jealousy over others people's incomes. So let them know

most of my friends and family work in the public sector so it would be easy to work out what they earn (and in jobs where pay scales are transparent e.g. teacher or whatever). Plus I could look on rightmove or whatever to work out what they paid for their house. Also tbh a lot of people I know are very transparent about things (a lot more than I am) and happily tell me what their new kitchen cost, or if their parents gave them a deposit for their house, or how much they pay for their car/kids nursery fees just in normal conversation.

In terms of neighbours - I know where my neighbour works (private sector) and what job she does purely from overhearing her while she works from home in the garden and has very loud phone calls. On the back of this thread I googled that and came up with the most recent job ad, so can assume she earns roughly around that. I know how much rent she pays because last time the house was up for rent I looked to see how much it went for - it's exactly the same spec as mine so I wanted to know how much I could rent mine for if needed. So that's a lot of information without every having spoken to her about any of it!

So on one hand I could probably make a lot of assumptions about other people's finances, some aspects of which might be very accurate, but I'm fully aware that there could always be things they haven't disclosed for whatever reason that might change their overall financial position quite drastically (e.g. debts, inheritances, etc.)

Some people talk crap. My cousin once challenged me very confidently over “I know you’re rich, I know what you earn cos my sister told me.” But I hadn’t told anyone what I earn apart from DH who hadn’t seen those cousins in years. I guess sister was speculating and he took it as fact 🤷‍♀️

Most of the threads I've noticed are daughter in laws being convinced they know all about their parents in law's finances, with a subtext that large amounts of money should he handed over to her.

Not read the whole thread , but you can look up salaries for many jobs online.
It'll give you an idea at least.

Wouldn't you be speaking to your close friends about finances ever? I probably know my best friends financial situation as well as I know my own, it just comes up in conversation.
I'm also public sector, as are lots of my friends, so you sort of know their salary by default.
Perhaps I'm just in a group of open people, but I wouldn't see a problem with telling someone how much my mortgage or salary was.
My DP's are more liek you though and think it should all be a big secret, I've never understood it.

Now you mention it, actually people do ask about our finances all the time. We paid the mortgage off a couple of years ago so obviously have more spare cash and the number of “have you won the lottery” type comments we’ve had is off the scale. My next door neighbour actually straight out asked if my parents had died and I’d inherited!

Lots of people have verbal diarrhoea and “over share” too much!

An old but not that close friend and I send screen shots of our bank accounts the other day- I had £2.37, she had less than a quid. We laughed. It's because I'd asked her if she wanted to enter a race next year with me and she said she had to wait until after she got paid to enter it.

We don't all have bucketloads of cash

Pure assumption whilst carrying on as if they are their personal accountant/benefits handler.

I know a lot of fairly wealthy people and the reason why I know they have a few Bob ( mostly unearned inheritance type money) is because they let it drop into the conversation.. it's subtle , but it's there.
Talk of trust funds come up too.

I think it's a generation thing sometimes. Younger people aren't so uptight about sharing & most recognise it's not useful to have secrecy in the workplace around salaries.

Plus you can see what people paid for their house & have a rough idea of income if you know they don't get child benefit or 30 hours etc.

I take to friends about mortgage size, payments & %. Why is it a taboo?

Why wouldn't we talk about it? What's the big secret?

I think some keep secret because they are scared someone will ask to borrow & they are tight 😆

I don't know anyone who bought without family help including myself. Why would I keep that a secret? to pretend it doesn't make a difference?

Money is a necessity and being coy about it only serves to keep disadvantaged people at a disadvantage

this is the crux of it & traditionally it's the ones with money who like to keep it quiet.

Out of interest, would you tell people if you had paid your mortgage off?

why wouldn't I?

Agreed, people do make assumptions about my finances and are usually incorrect, I don’t discuss with non family members.

I know roughly what all my friends make. And they know our info too. Just comes up in conversation sometimes.