To wonder how everyone knows so much about others' finances?

[bluegreygreen]

Lots of threads on here at the moment about money issues, as you might expect.

What has surprised me is how many people seem to know so much about their friends'/families' finances.

I have read threads comparing OP's rent to the neighbours' mortgage payment, and others complaining about friends or siblings being helped out financially because they 'earn x amount per month' or 'their outgoings are only y'.

I have never spoken to anyone other than my husband and the bank about our mortgage payment. I don't know what my neighbours earn. Is this unusual?

@HighlandPony Thank god for you 😊. This forum sometimes makes me think that I live in trees . People around here discuss their finances with me because they often need to borrow money from me . And lending and borrowing money is also very, very normal.

What isn't normal for me is worrying about what horse to own, what ski resort to visit this winter or the increasing cost of sending Poppy to private school.🤔

I think it's quite a middle class thing to be secretive about money. Everyone I know talks about it, if you've not got much then there's not much to be secretive about!

I know what all my siblings and close friends earn, more or less. I have had great advice on negotiating salary from them, as well as mortgage advice, savings tips, etc. My five closest friends range from millionaires to minus-money and it's easier to be open about things. I know their rent or mortgage situation, their work situation, and have helped out, and been helped out, many times. We are a kind of clan.

With acquaintances, no, it wouldn't come up.

I know limited about some and too much about others.

I had to help a close family member through a DRO and she's constantly moaning that she's skint now, which I don't get because I know their combined income and their combined outgoings.

Other than theirs I don't know anything unless someone is excited about paying off their mortgage.

Similarly, I'm quiet about mine. I a)don't want to be asked to lend someone money and b)don't see how it's relevant to anyone. DH and I don't work in similar fields to any of our friends and family, and have vastly different outgoings. So we can't be used as yard sticks so to say.

I know what most of my friends earn/pay/inherit.
It's an older middle class thing not to talk about £. 'so common'.
Why wouldn't we talk about it? What's the big secret?

I know all of my friends salaries and mortgage amounts/payments, as do they mine. We talk about these things openly, we admit to being a bit skint when turning down a night out, these women have helped me through miscarriages, breakups - why should I Celebrate payrises and promotions with them too?!

Shouldn’t

Some people are more open about finances than others. I'll openly discuss mine if it's beneficial to do so i.e. helps me or someone else.

I think since covid everyone has more of an idea of everyone jobs and income. I suppose I sort of know what some of my friend’s family incomes are but I make no comment on it.

I'm a contractor as are lots of my friends. So we generally know what we earn broadly as we will discuss contracts before taking them.or advising if worth it. When I was stressing about getting my mortgage, then renovating the house and then again with the cost of living I speak to my friends as an outlet and to rationalise my thoughts.
Not to the general random person however and I know people would be shocked by my earnings. On a recent holiday I had to take a call from a recruiter but as my phone was broken I did the call on loudspeaker with about 7 friends in very close proximity. They are not my close friends but friends of a friend. I didn't realise the recruiter would run through the day rate for the role. Once I got off the call I could tell they'd all been listening intently and then a few were noticeably a bit friendlier towards me after. I'd probably gone up in their estimations.
I agree that the sharing of information can sometimes be supportive if not used to boast and keep up with the Joneses. I like having role models and those that inspire me and I'm definitely where I am now because of others who were open with me.

@Calandor @ArcticSkewer maybe I'm old fashioned then!

WC background, currently MC professional job, but it's never been something really to talk about. General moans about being short of money yes but no specifics.

I could work out colleagues' salaries if I wanted to (public service jobs) but n o idea of their outgoings.

I have never discussed money with friends, and never will. It has nothing to do with me.

yes, maybe.
Are you older?

I would think most people assume.

But I work with a lot of late teens/early twenties and they all share their payslips and what they’re spending their money on.

Never talk about money to anyone other than DH. It can be the source of so much jealousy if Person A earns more than Person B.

I never discuss money with either family or friends except my mum. But lately have been ambushed by friends asking " How much is your mortgage?" or " How can you afford this expense?" I think it's rude. And fosters envy and comparison.

I am both old and old fashioned though!

There is something about your post that made me long for a life like that, an honesty and transparency that sounds so supportive and refreshing. I feel envious that you have such intertwined and supportive lives.

It is a world away from my life. We only can really guess there has been a huge inheritance somewhere when friends suddenly buy very expensive houses overseas and/or in Cornwall.
I would never dream of asking someone else about their money situation, not even my close friends of 40 years plus.

This. Also we're very upfront about how we got to where we are as well - I inherited young as my mum died, so our financial position is quite different to others the same age as us. We have lots of friends who are in the same industry too, so we all have a broad idea of each others' salaries. I just think it's a pretty pointless taboo and the only people that really benefit from it are private companies who want to pay people the least they can and are banking on the fact that no one discusses it.

It's kept very dark in rl. Neither would I inquire. I know what my dc earn because they come to us for advice.

When dc were at school there was a bit of my dad earns x, my mum earns y. DS used to say things like "I'll have to ask if mum and dad can stretch to it" and he once said he couldn't buy anything from the shop because things were too expensive; wouldn't buy expensive soft drinks on a ski trip and drank the squash/water and sold his complimentary drink every day. For the first five years at his smart London school, I also drove an elderly scruffy car.

At drinks one evening a father said somewhat pompously, "are you related to xxxxxx" er yes I replied "he's my husband, xx's dad". His eyes opened wide. His wife was one of the in crowd at the gates; I never really engaged with them or them with me. I think they thought we were scraping along on a bursary:)

You can never tell imo.

I do not discuss my money with others. But I seem to have the kind of face where other people tell me things.
I know how much one of my friends earns, what she inherited, how much her brother got etc. I did not ask her a single question about this.
Another friend I know how much both her and her DP earns, and I used to know their mortgage payment. Again I never asked.
Another friend I know how much she pays in rent, never asked.
I know how much a casual acquaintance earns and how much her DP earns, and how much they bought their house for - never asked.
I know my sister gets working tax credits, so I know her salary is not about a certain amount, I used to know how much her DP earned, again never asked.
I know how much an acquaintance inherited and how much a work colleague inherited, never asked.
People have confessed to me about cheating on their tax returns, cheating benefits - I have never asked.
I think some people like to tell others about their finances and find people like me to tell. I never judge and I never share it either.

The internet ! You can look up most things and average salaries and how much things cost , how much someone's house is worth, what their car is valued at etc
People overly interested can make all kinds of assumptions just from looking things up.

DH and I earn more than some of our friends, though we have no car and live in a tiny flat because we prefer to live simply. I find talking about money in the current climate inevitably leads to snide jabs " Well it's all right for you?" and so on. Maybe you have better friends though!:)

I don't tell anyone about our finances as it's none of their business and I don't ask anyone either.
Sometimes people like to brag a bit I think.
I had a friend like this who was keen to put people down if they didn't have a big house or a nice car.

I'm in my 30s and talk to friends about how much we earn, our financial situations and money in general. It's not in a competitive sense. There's an understanding that we all chose our lines of work for different reasons and our situations are different e.g. some people's parents gave them a large deposit for their first house, discussions about navigating finances as a couple earning very different amounts, how the interest rate rises will affect us, cheap deals (if you tell me your X branded cooker cost Y I can tell you I saw one cheaper in Z shop), how to negotiate a pay rise, talking through whether a pay cut is worth it for less stress/better work-life balance.

I think it might be a generational thing.

One reason people are open is to get a sense of whether the pay is commensurate to the role. One of my friends found out she was paid considerably less than others doing the same job with similar qualifications at her workplace. She used that knowledge to get a pay rise.

A lot of assumptions plus confirmation bias. My DB1 assumed that he earned the most because he was the one with a PHD. I have never discussed my salary with him though he has told me his. He took my reticence as confirmation.
He was very upset when he found out that DB2 earned more than him (both Civil Servants). He would have spontaneously combusted if I had told him mine.

DB1makes all sorts of assumptions about other people's income/wealth. His neighbours have got planning permission to extend. According to him they must be committing some sort of tax fraud to be able to afford it. His evidence for this ? Plucked out of his left ear.