‘Your daughter is huge!’

[Foldinthecheese]

My DD is three, four in December. Like her older brothers, she is very tall, and sturdily built. She is not overweight by any measure, her weight is in proportion to her height, I can see her ribs and her doctor has not expressed any concerns. I mention all this because I know there’s a perception that people are deluded about the size of their children. I assure you I am not. I know my children are more solidly built than others, but medically all the numbers are fine.

Anyway, my DD recently started at a cooperative preschool where each week a parent is assigned to help in the classroom. While on a field trip last week (which all parents were required to attend) one of the other mums turned around and commented that she remembered my daughter from when she had helped in the classroom because ‘she is huge!’ I responded by saying that yes, she is very tall, but I’m annoyed that someone would think it appropriate to speak that way about a child in front of her. I don’t want my DD growing up feeling unhappy about her size and build (as I very much did) and I don’t think comments like that will instill confidence. Whenever people have said she is big or whatever I have always politely acknowledged that she is tall, but would I be unreasonable to ask them not to use that kind of language in front of her? I don’t want to create conflicts, but I don’t understand why anyone would think exclaiming about her size is a reasonable thing to do and I’d like to politely let them know that I’d rather they not do so, especially when they’ll have repeated contact with her over the year.

My mother once said to a friend of my sister, whose DD sounds similar, 'DD is very sturdy and athletic looking isn't she? If you didn't know otherwise, you'd think she was Australian!'

My sister now keeps a very close eye on her at DC parties ect.

I’d be o bit miffed too but at this age people do say huge or tiny without thinking much about it. As she gets older adults naturally won’t say these things in front of her.
And if she does grow up much bigger than her peers, she will know it anyway.
I would bother making a fuss with the other parent unless this is repeated behaviour.

Perhaps work on your daughters self esteem rather than tear other children down by saying that they're ugly.

Never. Ever. Comment on someone’s appearance.

Much the same as people thinking nothing of saying aren’t you thin. Had it said so many times.

I am tall, and my DM was taller at 6 ft. She fully embraced her height, never made any kind of deal about it, and told me how lucky I was to be tall.

I know for a fact that if she had made any sort of po-faced comment towards another parent who might have commented on my height - instead of a delighted, ‘isn’t she lucky?!’ sort of response - I probably would have got some sort of complex about it.

Luckily she never did that.

Are you serious? In a world where botox, surgery on appearance, filters, photoshop, etc are getting more and more popular... Where media outlets write articles about what women are wearing doing their shopping or going to the beach... Comments on looks is at its peak! Unfortunately 🥴😥😔

I'm saying that's how it should be, not how it is

People always say my 6 year old is tall and I just say that we have a tall family so she doesn't feel like it's weird and it's also true. All her cousins are equally very tall for their ages. People are gonna comment on it, they shouldn't but they will and I usually feel its out of uncertainty about their own child's size.

Very tall lady here. I learnt to love I was a bit different age 18 and started wearing HUGE heels for nights out ect. I wish I’d learnt to love my height before this age. Spending money on the right fitting clothes from the tall section (next & asos my fave) will help empower any tall girl. Badly fitting clothes did my confidence no favours as a teen. Ive learnt to not be offended by ‘huge’ & ‘big’ type words. Learning to take stupid / ignorant peoples comments with a punch of salt is a good life skill for anyone - you shouldn’t have to but it is what it is.

Its same if tiny. I was very petite,and slim still am at an age when people are mostly putting on weight. My mum had remarks such as "o shes such little thing" and "She hasnt grown much.At school, i was always the tiniest in the class, my mum didnt like you,want me to have a complex about my height and build.so she would politely say shes in proportion and well covered and healthy.theres nothing wrong with her.

Because of her ive never had a complex about my height or build. Im 4 11 weigh 7 stone i still get remarks about being tiny but because of my mum bless her they dont bother me..Other week a very large lady i met said arent you tiny what do you eat,i smiled sweetly and said food what else.!

Do you know someone called my 9 month child 'big' and it frightened me. Someone else with a bit of common sense said bless her she's so tall. It made me look back and understand that the first person meant she was tall because her children were rat like small. It really hurt me but can you imagine if I said that? 'Aww year it's coz you have tiny babies.. whereas my kids are on the average percentile. Mind you her kids do look feeble and frail like old women. But can you imagine the outrage if I told her that?

You should have laughed and said no she's not huge!!! Should have made her feel her crap for saying something so awful and having no manners!

@tort not calling your kids rats. My dds both were small when born and both kids looked smaller compared to other babies. But this friend of mine was quite rude about dd2....called her 'big' meaning fat...9 month old fat? When her 6-9 months clothes were loose? I was just saying I wouldn't be rude to turn around and say we'll look at your own kids she looks scrawny....how dare anyone say someone was huge!!! Especially a child!! Being called large is worse than being called small.

@tort they do comment that so and so is small but it's not seen as a negative like the word large. 'You're huge/big!!!is in line with 'you're look like a rat!'. Both insults if you can comprehend what I mean.

I say big rather than tall because I get so fucked off at people with tall kids implying I am starving my petite children. DH and I are also short, it's genetic, we come from generations of well fed upper middle class families so there is no starvation in our family history. Why is it a surprise that our (also well nourished) children are also petite? I've lost count of the number of times other parents have told me 'of course, people are taller now because they are better nourished' or 'oh yes, my child is tall because they have such a healthy appetite'. But funnily enough they get supersensitive if you point out overfed children are tall.

I think as women ‘big’ has horrible connotations. My daughter is head and shoulders above everyone else in her class nearly, she is also very skinny. Nobody ever says ‘isn’t she big’, they say ‘isn’t she tall’. ‘Big’ is bloody rude

You are being unreasonable. ‘Huge’ is and adjective meaning ‘extremely large in size or amount’. It sounds as though your child is much bigger than others of a similar age so the description sounds accurate.

You are adding meaning to the word based on how it makes you feel.

I love this technique. Really shines a spotlight on the people being dicks without making you look irrational. I use it for all inappropriate or intrusive comments.

Mind you her kids do look feeble and frail like old women. But can you imagine the outrage if I told her that?

😆

Tall too, and I wore very high heels once and once only because multiple people came and asked to get their photo taken with me. Felt like a circus freak! Granted I wear platforms now and don’t care, and I think if anyone ever asked me that again I’d be like ‘are you fucking serious!’

DD is very tall as her dad and I both are. People comment on her height all the time and use words like big etc. they don’t mean any harm, but it’s not ideal. I absolutely love being tall now, and will hopefully pass this feeling on despite what others say. Compared to me who was always the tallest until about 16 when a few boys took over, DD has multiple friends who are just as tall and a little taller too so it won’t be such an isolating experience either.

I the majority of people know that certain words are negatively loaded, and then are the thick that walk among us without a clue. They all cause the same damage. I cannot believe that any adult can think that describing a child as “huge” is positive.

^In

Aw OP, I feel for you, I’m sure your daughter is tall and beautiful. I have a niece who is similar in age to your daughter (she will be 4 in Feb) and she is very tall, but like your DD she is in no way overweight. However her mum has had a few comments about her daughter’s ‘size’, one woman even commented, ‘oh, look at the size of her! She has her fathers build’ (her dad is very tall and broad). My sister-in-law was upset wondering who would say that about a little girl.
I always say that my niece is tall and beautiful and she will probably end up being a supermodel.

YOU ARE NOT UNREASONABLE!
I can empathise fully!
mMy daughter has always been tall and hit a meter at 2…. She is also very broad shouldered….
People use terminology like ‘she’s a big girl’, one even said ‘blimey you’re a beast!’ As at 5 she was taller than her much older cousin! I always respond with ‘you mean she’s lovely and tall?!?’
My parents are the worst, constantly asking when she’s going to stop… or saying I should seek medical advice about her height! I always say she’ll be what she’s meant to be and point out that even at 5ft 7 I’d rather be taller than shorter!
she’s now almost 12, and is probably 5ft 9 & showing no sign of slowing down… having grown 3 inches since March!
I would politely ask the mum to use the word TALL…. And point out that Big/huge etc can be damaging.
my daughter is of an age now where this language offends her and we are already facing days where she won’t eat breakfast because she thinks other people think she’s fat…. You’re right to be offended, just address it politely, pointing out girls in particular don’t need to see themselves as huge!
mMy daughter only met her uncle once but remembers him saying she was a beast!! These things stick forever!?