‘Your daughter is huge!’

[Foldinthecheese]

My DD is three, four in December. Like her older brothers, she is very tall, and sturdily built. She is not overweight by any measure, her weight is in proportion to her height, I can see her ribs and her doctor has not expressed any concerns. I mention all this because I know there’s a perception that people are deluded about the size of their children. I assure you I am not. I know my children are more solidly built than others, but medically all the numbers are fine.

Anyway, my DD recently started at a cooperative preschool where each week a parent is assigned to help in the classroom. While on a field trip last week (which all parents were required to attend) one of the other mums turned around and commented that she remembered my daughter from when she had helped in the classroom because ‘she is huge!’ I responded by saying that yes, she is very tall, but I’m annoyed that someone would think it appropriate to speak that way about a child in front of her. I don’t want my DD growing up feeling unhappy about her size and build (as I very much did) and I don’t think comments like that will instill confidence. Whenever people have said she is big or whatever I have always politely acknowledged that she is tall, but would I be unreasonable to ask them not to use that kind of language in front of her? I don’t want to create conflicts, but I don’t understand why anyone would think exclaiming about her size is a reasonable thing to do and I’d like to politely let them know that I’d rather they not do so, especially when they’ll have repeated contact with her over the year.

Huge is horrible word to use to describe anyone, some people just have no cop on at all.

Really? I’m 5ft 1 and haven’t had comments on my height as an adult. I’m also slim and slightly built ( size 6). I have had pejorative comments on this which piss me off. If you don’t like how I look, look somewhere else! Don’t put your words on me, they are not mine to carry!

Whilst I understand the issue, I too was a very tall child and it was constantly commented on, it really is just an observation of a fact. The word huge ‘could’ be considered insulting and negative, but can also be considered factual. ‘Huge’ compared to other same age children has a very different connotation to ‘huge’ ie fat as an adult.
I think it’s more likely to cause a negative effect on your child if you make a big deal out of it. As other posters have suggested, just reframe it as a positive, ie ‘yes, isn’t she wonderfully tall!’

Both DD and DS very tall (DH is 6ft5). DD is a broad build and people endlessly commented on how big/huge she was. Because being tall isn't unusual in my wider family we've managed to make her feel comfortable to own the space she occupies. My two top tips are make sure she always has clothes that fit properly and remind her statistics show tall people get paid more than short arses!

Honestly, it’s fucking annoying man, you know I know how tall I am thank you! I’ve had 2 kids and they measure you at booking and it’s always been the same 160cm. I used to work with a gorgeous tall lady must have been 5’10 and honestly if I had a penny for every time someone said ‘oh there goes little and large’ or, hello little, where’s large? Or you look like mother and daughter (she was younger than me), the list goes on, but if I had a penny for each time that was said, let’s just say I wouldn’t be freaking out about the cost of living

Those with tall DDs who would be offended by words other than tall ie: big, huge, massive ...

Do think you'd feel exactly as offended if it was a son? ''He's a big lad'' ect.

Maybe we all need to think more about why we are so outraged about certain words being used about women/girls?

Why is it actually ''offensive'' to say a female person is ''big''?
Why don't we want our girls to be ''big'' in the eyes of someone else?

Is everyone scared of the words massive/big/huge because they might mean ''fat''?

Someone up-thread (with a tall DD who is struggling with her body image) has actually said the word 'big' is no different to the word 'ugly' and can't see the irony.

So many posters here are taking great pains to explain how much their tall DD is 100% definitely not overweight, no extra pounds, can see ribs, ect while also being sad that society can't except their DD as they are. That they are ok with the word 'tall' but never the word 'huge' ...

Why is it ok to observe someone as ''tall'' but no words which could mean ''big'' in any other way?

Tall's ok. Big isn't.

You see?

How is this being all concerned about language helping anything? Isn't it just reinforcing and perpetuating societies sexist ideas about what's 'right' for a female to be?

And as an aside, my (fully grown) daughter is short. I call her tiny, she calls me giant. It’s fact. Neither of us think that height or size has any bearing on our worth. Possibly because we’ve never made a big deal of it.

Also love the comments saying she was saying huge as in tall not fat…ah right so that’s ok then.As long as the no one thought she was the dreaded fat ffks.
no one has aright to comment on someone else body.nor make judgments on them.
she could be huge tall or fat.tiny or small.no one should feel shot about that.and my god if it’s going to start for your dd so young.
protect her every way you can.stand up for her.
wheb we stop commenting back and letting theeee judgments go we allow this type of shitty behaviour to continue.we allow the toxic body image destroying eras to continue.and it won’t stop harming our kids and us as adults.
you can be polite but firm on things you know.
you also teach your girl there is nothing wrong with her.never will be.and she shouldn’t ever be judged,commented or take anyones comments on her body as acceptable.and that it means everything about them jot her.

I respectively disagree. I don't think it is that difficult. I think you politely say "I would prefer you don't call her big/huge as I want to install body confidence in her and all women and these terms have negative connotations. Thanks. "

My dd12 is 1m77 and was in tears this week as she doesn't want to grow anymore. It really doesn't help when people tell her she's tall! It's not like she hasn't noticed. 🙄

Yanbu op.

It's the same for smaller than average children too.
My whole childhood I was called Tiny, short, skinny, wafer thin, miniature etc.
They all lead me to feeling like an immature baby.
I developed much later than everyone else and am still short and thin with no curves. People still go on about it amd I'm.in my 30s.

It can really really affect you when you hear people speak about your size your entire life.

What are the negative connotations though? That fat is bad? Bluntly. Yes?

Body confidence is surely about accepting yourself and everyone else and NOT attaching and perpetuating negative connotations to shape or size.

@Laiste Huge doesn’t mean big, it means enormous. Huge is not synonymous with big. A few pp have said it is inappropriate to comment like that for boys and girls. This is not a gender issue.

My daughter is TINY. All the other kids are towering over her. People comment all the time and I really wish they wouldn’t. She KNOWS she is small! She doesn’t need to be told “OMG you are teeny tiny! I cannot believe you are 12” and them turn to me and say… “ she only looks about 8! Awhhhhhhh.

Boils my blood and my child tries to laugh it off but it hurts. I was the same at her age.
people need to shut their gobs about the size of other people’s children.

I would say 'Yes she is very tall but I don't make a big thing of it because I don't want her to see it as a negative thing'.
I think that gets the message across and you'll probably find people are then falling over themselves to say they didn't mean it in a negative way at all.

I agree with some this.
However, there is a difference between tall and fat. Health wise, tall is not a problem and is totally out of your control. But being overweight, especially as a child, is different.
It still has nothing to do with worth, but it is different.

Also, it is completely unnecessary to have commented on her size in the context of the conversation.

“I remember your daughter because she is huge.” Who says that to a parent! How is that not rude? How about: “I remember your daughter.”

And if you want to add something else add something a bit more meaningful like remembering something she said or did or how she was playing so nicely with my child, they seem to be good friends. So, many options that are friendlier than: I remember your daughter because she’s huge.

Nope no different.
one )size is not her business whether for health or otherwise.and shouldn’t be commented on either way.
2)we should just not be commenting on people bodies.
and 3)you do not no a child nor adults health based on their size.
peoples bodies are no one else business.
the judgments even on here are staggering.
the surveys and amount of kids and adults with disordered eating,body image issues,self hate issues and eating disorders are f disgusting right now and rising. But of course we all need to be concerned of them being overweight.

Huge, enormous, big, massive, fat = BAD words.

tall = GOOD word.

'Big' is like 'huge' so it's BAD. 'Huge' is like 'enormous' so it's really BAD. Because ''enormous'' is just ... well ... the work of the devil!

Can you see? Words aren't the problem. It's societies attitude towards other people who ARE ... fat, massive, huge, big or enormous. They are BAD. And so are the words to describe them. And we don't want to be associated with them!

I just think that the more pressing issue, rather than banning words, is to stop demonising certain body sizes, and fetishising certain other shapes.

If that could happen these words wouldn't be BAD any more.

Let's be realistic, fat isn't used as a term of endearment and calling a child (or anyone) "huge" isn't going to do wonders for their self-esteem. The last thing anyone would want to do is etch into a child's psyche that they were "too big" or "wrong" somehow - especially in this case when they are merely tall/broad. In the same way praising someone for being slim isn't particularly helpful. However, you can promote body positivity without advocating unhealthy lifestyle choices. I also don't think celebrating adult obesity under the guise of "body positity" (when it's actually very unhealthy) is particularly helpful. That's not too say I would personally abuse obese adults, however. I appreciate losing weight is really difficult.

At least tall girls don't alwsys have to play the boys in school plays anymore.

I'm very small and people would always comment.

The best thing is to agree and turn it into a positive. 'Yes, isn't it great, she's very tall' etc.

People will always comment if you have a distinctive feature, whether that be long hair or green eyes or are taller/smaller than average.

If you tell people not to say it or react defensively (or insult them as someone weirdly suggested!) you're communicating to a child that it's an insult and a bad thing. Which is really unhelpful because she will get comments all her life and you want to teach her that it's something to be proud of.

I don't celebrate adult obesity.

What i feel is that banning words isn't the answer.

The reason being called huge might damage a child's esteem is because of the negative attitude (of adults) towards fat people.

The negative attitude is growing - and so, ironically, is the percentage of folk who are overweight.

It would be nice if no one commented on a person's appearance in the first place. But people are people are you won't stop humans from making observations. Even if it's privately.

Most young kids don't give a shit if their class mates are fat/thin or whatever. Negative attitudes are learned and creep in later.

Negative connotations for a word can only exist with negative attitudes.

I'm 160cm too! I had a friend who was 163cm and thought she was massive next to me. People are odd

I'd love to be 160cm! @Questions12
I don't think I'm even 150cm