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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sibling getting married same year

131 replies

BlueberryFudge · 14/10/2022 19:03

AIBU to be a little irked one of our siblings is getting married two months after us? All of a sudden all wedding talk is about their wedding and how we can juggle stag and hen do's around our plans which have been set for quite a while now.

OP posts:
LG93 · 14/10/2022 19:16

YABU, my brother got engaged after us and then set their date to be 3 months before ours. I was grown up enough to realise it would be madness to expect them to put their lives on hold until after our wedding, and it was nice to have something to chat about together.

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 19:17

YANBU

but of course you’ll get those who got married in a shed for 12p in the 1980’s on here saying you’re not entitled to be a bit annoyed

it causes issues, I know as my SIL got married 7 weeks after we did and it caused a lot of friction, it also meant people were less generous with gifts due to having to pay out for both, rehearsals, hen do’s etc. had an extra layer of organisation too. We went NC not that long after due to the issues that it caused.

NotSorry · 14/10/2022 19:18

I got married 9 months after a sibling - they’re probably still fuming 30 years later 🤣

Musti · 14/10/2022 19:19

I understand and it is a pain for family, because of the expense and organisation.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/10/2022 19:21

YABU. I'll never forget how my sister made me move my wedding forward an extra year to "let cousin X have the year". Fuck off. Cousin X didn't even turn up to my wedding! I don't know why I listened except I wanted to keep the peace, then I found out when planning a wedding there's no end to the batshit family demands and eventually lost my patience.
Your poor sibling, I hope they're still speaking to you by the end of the wedding year.

Loachworks · 14/10/2022 19:22

My brother and sister did. It was a lovely year. Neither ever mentioned it upsetting them and their weddings were very different. From personal experience the more bridezilla, the less likely the marriage is to last and this smacks of it.
We got married on SIL's 40th Birthday but asked her first. We asked her to be a witness and gave her flowers with the mums and bought her jewelry. She isn't into parties and said it was perfect for her. She had married on DH's Birthday when he was a teen.

SandyY2K · 14/10/2022 19:25

Can you clarify exactly what the problem is with this? Is it finances or do you think they've stolen the limelight?

I wouldn't have an issue with it personally...I'd find it quite exciting, but I'm close with my siblings.

Will you be upset if they have a baby in the same year as you as well? I know this annoys some people.

Charcy · 14/10/2022 19:25

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 19:17

YANBU

but of course you’ll get those who got married in a shed for 12p in the 1980’s on here saying you’re not entitled to be a bit annoyed

it causes issues, I know as my SIL got married 7 weeks after we did and it caused a lot of friction, it also meant people were less generous with gifts due to having to pay out for both, rehearsals, hen do’s etc. had an extra layer of organisation too. We went NC not that long after due to the issues that it caused.

You're batshit love. 🤣🤣 maybe people didn't buy you nice gifts cause you're a spoilt brat.

GoldenSpiral · 14/10/2022 19:25

I got engaged after my sibling and married three months before her. She had a much longer engagement. I did feel bad but I wasn't willing to wait another year to marry my husband. I had waited a decade by that point...

We both had lovely wedding and it didn't cause any friction between us. It was quite lovely discussing wedding plans together during the build up! I'm not one for needing all the attention on me though...

Bollindger · 14/10/2022 19:26

Getting married is a joyful time.
Plan your wedding and enjoy having another bride who will enjoy all the chats once everyone else is feed up of your talk,do not compete as the is no winner.

By being annoyed your sucking the joy out of your wedding, instead know yours is first and you can then enjoy the second wedding once it happens.

Cantstandbullshit · 14/10/2022 19:26

BlueberryFudge · 14/10/2022 19:03

AIBU to be a little irked one of our siblings is getting married two months after us? All of a sudden all wedding talk is about their wedding and how we can juggle stag and hen do's around our plans which have been set for quite a while now.

When was the year deducted to only you getting married? Jeez grow the fuck up, because you’re getting married doesn’t suddenly make you royalty or something.

SirGawain · 14/10/2022 19:27

She's even more unreasonable if she's getting married in the same town.

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 14/10/2022 19:28

It's all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Stamps foot.

gretr · 14/10/2022 19:29

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 19:17

YANBU

but of course you’ll get those who got married in a shed for 12p in the 1980’s on here saying you’re not entitled to be a bit annoyed

it causes issues, I know as my SIL got married 7 weeks after we did and it caused a lot of friction, it also meant people were less generous with gifts due to having to pay out for both, rehearsals, hen do’s etc. had an extra layer of organisation too. We went NC not that long after due to the issues that it caused.

If I was your SIL I’d be relieved you went NC. Imagine being the kind of person who gets annoyed about the value of their gifts!

RancidOldHag · 14/10/2022 19:29

Perhaps the better solution would be a double wedding.

Rare, so it would probably be the most memorable wedding your guests ever go to

1FootInTheRave · 14/10/2022 19:33

Truthfully, I wouldn't have been arsed if my sibling got married near my date.

But, I wouldn't be impressed as a guest with the expense of 2 close together.

Bentley123 · 14/10/2022 19:37

YABVU

diddl · 14/10/2022 19:38

BlueberryFudge · 14/10/2022 19:03

AIBU to be a little irked one of our siblings is getting married two months after us? All of a sudden all wedding talk is about their wedding and how we can juggle stag and hen do's around our plans which have been set for quite a while now.

Well if yours has been "set in stone" for a while of course your siblings wedding will now be talked about!

Will there be much of a crossover of guests?

How do those who will be invited to both feel about the expense?

MatildaTheCat · 14/10/2022 19:40

Of course YANBU. The entire town should be making merry and fondly reminiscing your Special Day for a period of no les than 365 days. It’s well known.

My DB got married on my actual BIRTHDAY. I’m still not speaking to him 29 years later. NB only one of these statements is true.

Allthingsbrightandbeautifulx · 14/10/2022 19:42

If your wedding is literally in a month or so and they’ve just decided they’re getting married 2 months after you so are now trying to get you to move your plans around to accommodate them then YANBU
If your wedding isn’t until mid next year or later then there’s plenty of time to sort things and YABU

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 19:43

@gretr well yes, if people were going to give you twice as much but due to an inconsiderate IL they had to halve it, I’d dare say many would be a bit annoyed about that.

Thankfully we still had full value gifts from my side of the family, but it did put the ILs in a tough spot, MIL and FIL were pissed off about their daughter choosing to get married so close to us as well. Not just me

LuciaLuciaLucia · 14/10/2022 19:44

My SIL and her sister had double wedding, her to my DB and her sister to her new DH. So 3 sets of relatives at one venue…
OP can you imagine that?

toomuchlaundry · 14/10/2022 19:45

We got married the same year as DH’s brother. They got engaged a few months before us and future SIL did ask that our wedding date was after theirs, but didn’t stipulate when.

Only potential issue was that we did wedding dress shopping separately (neither of us were each other bridesmaids). At that time we lived in the same town and she bought her dress first and told me what shop she had bought it from but didn’t show me the design. She had forewarned the shop that her SIL was also looking at wedding dresses. We are very different personalities, age, size, but I still managed to pick her dress as the only one I liked in the shop! The owner wouldn’t let me try it on and I had to go elsewhere for mine. I never told her that we nearly ended up with the same wedding dress! Although as her wedding was first I would have been the bride trying to change her dress at short notice

Earrin · 14/10/2022 19:49

I get it OP.

You don't own the year, people are free to choose when they get married etc. Of course. But personally I wouldn't have chosen to get married during the same time frame as one of my siblings.

Sometimes it's just how it goes.

Advice would be - drop out talking to family about your wedding, speak to friends instead, or seek support from your in-laws who don't have an interest in your siblings weddings, only yours.

And do your best to smile when your siblings wedding is being discussed and if it's 6 weeks before you get the advantage of taking all the good tips for your own wedding.

Suggest you get really good at smiling and saying 'that's nice' when a parent says something like - well X is having Y at their wedding which I think is best and all that sort of crap which I'm sure you're facing.

You'd be unreasonable to make a scene about it but I do understand how deep down you could be feeling a bit bummed about it all if comparisons and things are being drawn - you're not unreasonable for that.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 14/10/2022 19:52

When did you announce your wedding date @BlueberryFudge And when did said sibling announce theirs? Is it a bro or a sis?