to prefer a man to pay on the first date?

[partie]

I am a woman. I barely go in first dates. When I do I always offer to split and my offer is genuine, and I become prepared to split but I always prefer they pay for the first date and then I grab the second.

The main reasons for this is that is shows they are not stingy, have a genuine interest in me, and in the future if we became a couple it would signal that they would be willing to help me out should I ever become jobless instead of seeing finances as completely separate. This is security I need from a relationship and it would work both ways.

Do you prefer a man to pay on the first date? I am not asking if men should or are obligated, only what your preference is.

YABU- I prefer to split/ I pay
YANBU - I would prefer the man pays

I voted YANBU as that is how I feel but I do have a story to tell, 20 years ago I met a lady through online dating and on our first meeting we went for a meal in a restaurant.
We talked for hours and eventually got the bill, she immediately paid half of it.
18 years ago, we got married and she is the most wonderful person in my world.
I liked that she offered but it was not the most important thing about that date.

😂

yes, must be annoying that your odd theory isn’t working out!!

Yes it must be annoying that some posters are trying to pretend their men do half of everything.

Corrected that for you. You're welcome.

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps it must be annoying that other people have equal DHs in terms of finance and workloads.

Corrected that for you.

So I’m being conned that my husband does 50/50? That’s some pretence he’s been keeping up these past 10yrs - long may it continue! Seriously though, I’m sorry that you keep attracting shit men, it must be heartbreaking.

Fancy bringing one's ongoing disappointment in relationships with men onto a thread about first dates where no relationship yet exists and getting so angry about it.

This..if he pays be prepared to owe him one shag at least.. absolute rubbish

YANBU

DH still pays if we go out for lunch / dinner / coffee together 🥰

Would love to know how I’m deluded? If he’s managed to outsource nursery pick ups, doing the shopping, cooking, general admin, etc., without spending any money or my knowing, then I may have actually married superman!! Have you maybe thought it’s your personality keeping the good men away?

Oh another MN poster, so that's totally credible evidence

Hang on, I'll go post I'm really happy with my DH, he's great, he does half of everything blah blah

Firstly, that's nothing to post about, it is the norm.

Secondly, it's not what MNs what to hear, they prefer all men are bastards threads

Yanbu - I’m married but previously every man I was with paid for the dates. It’s the only way I know that I can at least be financially stable.

We share are finances 100%, il currently the higher earner, but he previously was.

What's mine is his, what's his is mine. It works great!

Jesus Christ! You can't fend for yourself and see every man as a meal ticket!

YABU. It’s a personal preference thing - but I wouldn’t want to feel beholden to someone or that I owe them.

I let them pay if I like them. If I dont, I split.

Laughing at people who have normal healthy relationships?! Just makes me think of that Come Dine With Me quote, ‘what a sad little life’!!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I'd even go so far as to say I cannot date and marry a man who wants to go 50/50 on absolutely everything. I'm not going to do it. I'm happy for the couples that work things out that way, good for them - but it's not for me and I'm not even a little bit ashamed about it.

Same here, if at the end of the date I know I don't want to see them again then I will split. Tbh I've never been on a date with a man who hasn't tried to insist on paying, and I have to admit I'd be turned off by a man who didn't at least offer. I don't have a good reason for that, sorry! I know I'm a bad feminist or whatever. I just can't help but feel that way 😬

I'm not saying 50/50 men on everything don't exist. I'm sure they do. But is it common? No I don't think it is.

Of course I am maybe meeting the "wrong" men because they are the majority. So statistically I am going to meet more of them. Any "decent" man is going to be snapped up fast! For those of you lucky enough to have one, good for you.

Just because your man is great, doesn't prove a thing. Many people have stories of great aunt mabel who smoked 60 cigs a day and lived until her 90's. It doesn't mean smoking is good for you. "Most" men want it all now, a partner who will contribute equally financially but will also do all the "traditional" wife work and be a siren in the bedroom. I've opted out. I am better off alone. No random stories of "great" men will convince me otherwise.

No wonder feminism is losing

A lot of women actively don't want equality.

YANBU.

Why not?

And nobody's talking about forensically splitting 50/50.

That level of pettiness would put me off.

I would throw down roughly my half without discussion.

I honestly cannot get my head around entitled women who think they shouldn't pay their way by dint of being in possession of a vagina.

I don't get it. Have you no pride?

I have very traditional views, and guess it's from being raised that way and watching the stereotypical male and female roles work so well. I appreciate they don't for everyone. They have in my family historically, and they work for us now.

I'd expect a man to pay. I'd expect to do almost all of the household stuff and child admin. This doesn't mean I never ever put my hand in my pocket, or that DH never does the dishwasher. It just means, that by him covering most of the family expenses, my days are free from needing paid employment, and so I have the time to do the house and children. This works for us. Just because it's not everyone's ideal, doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just not for you. Same as the way a lot of 50/50 households would be our idea of a nightmare. It works for them though.

So, on a first date, I'd expect the man to pay. Not because of any long and deep thought out reasoning, just because that's how I like it. A man who wants to split the bill, isn't generally going to form the set up DH and I have. And that's the set up I feel at home with.

I don't feel that I'm "kept" I pull my weight more than enough in non financial ways, and do still contribute financially as well.