to prefer a man to pay on the first date?

[partie]

I am a woman. I barely go in first dates. When I do I always offer to split and my offer is genuine, and I become prepared to split but I always prefer they pay for the first date and then I grab the second.

The main reasons for this is that is shows they are not stingy, have a genuine interest in me, and in the future if we became a couple it would signal that they would be willing to help me out should I ever become jobless instead of seeing finances as completely separate. This is security I need from a relationship and it would work both ways.

Do you prefer a man to pay on the first date? I am not asking if men should or are obligated, only what your preference is.

YABU- I prefer to split/ I pay
YANBU - I would prefer the man pays

Oh but they are....

"Cuppasoupmonster · Today 12:33
Because all you talk about is earning potential and career women. Nowhere in your posts do you address the overall happiness and quality of life of women, which is my focus. Your brand of feminism will always just be playing men at their own game, by their own rules, while flatly denying there are any differences between the sexes. It will never, and can never, work for the masses despite whatever scenario goes on under your specific roof."

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

No, Cuppasoupmonster is simply pointing out what women want out if life may be slightly different to what men want.

So rather than denying there are any differences (because some women have been conditioned to equate 'difference' with 'weakness' of 'inequality'), let's redefine equality on our own terms.

Of course it’ll be blamed on ‘men’s poor behaviour’ but whatever the excuses, doesn’t affect where we are now does it? And that’s fucking knackered/stressed/skint

if you KNOW you are equal to any man you may choose to date and / or end up with and you are confident about that, then there is no need to feel 'threatened' or aggravated by him paying for you or whatever. In other worlds, you have the self-confidence to accept a man treating you differently to the way he might treat one of his mates or s non-romantic partner. It's a respectful gesture - no more. It doesn't mean he sees you as 'lesser' or some kind of dimwit fgs. It's just being a gentleman and there is nothing wrong with that.

this is a straw man. I have said upthread that there is a difference between accepting someone’s generosity and expecting it. It is the intention behind it that matters.

"It is the intention behind it that matters."

Yes exactly. Surely women are at a stage now where they can accept the gesture of a man paying for a date with getting in a flap that this makes them 'unequal.' In life you get what you expect (hopefully) and you are attracted
to whatever you are attracted to. So if you expect certain behaviours from men, you will probably gravitate to certain types of men because the alternative will not meet your expectations and will feel like a waste of time.

Indeed. Expecting it, and then convincing yourself that this is some kind of "win", and you're sticking it to the man, or you're owed because we can't compete, or any number of justifications on this thread which all boil down to he should pay, and be grateful for my company. Fucking hell.

@gannett

"there should be ample time between the first date and the aforementioned cock doing any sort of lodging"

haha love it!

No-one is getting into a flap if a man offers to pay on a first date. I would gladly accept if I could reciprocate.

It's the expectation that he SHOULD pay that's in question. And, if some posters are to be believed, he should CONTINUE to pay ad-infinitum.

And then the bizarre justifications that followed.

Well why would a men not want to pay?

On a first date most do.

But (repeating myself) even the most generous of men would balk at the expectation that he does.

First date I paid my own way. Second date I paid for tickets he paid for my meal. Third date I cooked he brought flowers and wine, the rest is history...

And why would a woman want/need to accept?

@RockingMyFiftiesNot that was my post and you've clearly not read my entire post properly.
I was speaking within my cultural context, within the group of pakistani working women that I know. It definitely wasn't a sweeping generalisation of the entire population of the uk.
The whole point I was making was that in my culture incomes are not pooled usually and women do generally get to keep their own money for themselves as the religious / cultural expectation is that the man provides for the family.

The patriarchy innit 😂

"And why would a woman want/need to accept?"

No women needs to want or accept anything. But, if you prefer a man who has certain manners towards women and a certain integrity around that, then that's what you prefer and why the hell should you settle for less?

If women don't want any hint of gender-related behaviours or manners from men because this threatens their fragile sense of equality, then that is their prerogative too. I'm sure plenty of men will oblige these days.

You don’t seem to know what a straw man is amber. You have created this impression that of ‘the 50/50 brigade’ (as we are being referred to) being somehow insulted / threatened by a man wanting to pay and are then holding that up to be ridiculous.

Who has said this?

If you believe that manners and integrity are shown by paying on the first date, then you are sadly deluded!

We've already had someone stating that her druggie ex didn't pay on the first date and that's why she was financially abused, it wax indicative due to that one action.

Don't be so fucking stupid!

Dear god, some women are easily influenced into bad relationships by "well he paid on the first date, so I thought he was wonderful".

Let's get on the relationship board and do a poll on did your husband pay on the first date and did he turn out to be a bastard?

You may prefer it, but the ludicrous it defines the man is ridiculous.

And no, I'm not upset by a man not looking after me 😉.

People are saying women are entitled and 'wrong' if they expect men to pay on dates. I completely understand your point but nevertheless, women are entitled to date whatever men they want and if some women prefer a man with certain behaviours and manners, then so what? Some are insulted if you don't let them pay. People (men and women) will gravitate towards partners who complement them.

@GloriousGlory its an ‘indicator’. One of many. Does it in itself mean he’s generous and has good manners? No. But it’s one of many small behaviours that will count in his favour. As I’ve said before all the cocklodger threads start off with ‘at first we were always 50/50’, as if to prove they’re not ‘entitled’ or whatever first. You don’t tend to see threads starting with a generous man who slowly gets stingier and more entitled himself.

I think you know this but being reductionist is basically the only way your argument works so you stick to that

I wasn't talking about just the first date Gloria. It is a more general point.

As for -

"Don't be so fucking stupid!"

This is just an online chat so please have some self-control.

All the cocklodger threads start off with at first we were 50/50!

They don't, I mean I know by this thread you spend hours on here, but they still don't all start off with that.

Sorry as a adult woman am I not allowed to swear? But others are allowed to tell mothers their DDs will end up with cocklodgers (they're allowed to say cock?) or mummy's boys?

Are men only allowed to swear?

@GloriousGlory well if a man came on here and told you to ‘stop being so fucking stupid’ he would be called misogynistic, aggressive etc. Luckily for you, like paying on a first date, it isn’t quite the same when it’s the other way round. You do sound pretty unpleasant though.

Not as unpleasant as you! Telling other mothers that their DDs will end up with cocklodgers or mummy's boys, based on your experience!

That's horrible and nasty!

Just because their daughters want to pay equally?