to prefer a man to pay on the first date?

[partie]

I am a woman. I barely go in first dates. When I do I always offer to split and my offer is genuine, and I become prepared to split but I always prefer they pay for the first date and then I grab the second.

The main reasons for this is that is shows they are not stingy, have a genuine interest in me, and in the future if we became a couple it would signal that they would be willing to help me out should I ever become jobless instead of seeing finances as completely separate. This is security I need from a relationship and it would work both ways.

Do you prefer a man to pay on the first date? I am not asking if men should or are obligated, only what your preference is.

YABU- I prefer to split/ I pay
YANBU - I would prefer the man pays

When I met my husband 20 years ago, he just came over and we just hit it off and then he said he'd like to take me to dinner. So two nights later, he drove to my house (bearing in mind he lived in the city at that time and I was in SW London quite far out) - then drove back into town to the restaurant; paid when I wasn't even looking (yes of course I offered)); took me home and no, he wasn't expecting to "come in for coffee". Two days later came over again and took me somewhere else. Always wanted to pay. What I used to do was sometimes book the theatre ahead or something so I'd pay that. But this was only 20 years ago. Nowadays, it seems some women would be up in arms about a man picking her up for a date; up in arms about him paying when she's not looking and interpreting that as " inequality" rather than him just being a gent. And then, if he dropped you home he would probably be deemed as a creep expecting sex. They'd rather traipse off to some pub and buy a round and then get the tube home. This is where things are at, it sounds seem snd women have convinced themselves they're delighted about it. Probably a lot of it is the impact of OLD so thank god I missed that.

Because it’s a sign of inherent generosity, and saying he doesn’t put a monetary price on my time and company.

Just like dating a man who checks you got home okay is more likely to be caring.

I think you’re using laughing emojis to cover up your disappointment at men seeing you as a cheap date.

They'd rather traipse off to some pub and buy a round and then get the tube home.

Don’t even get me started on ‘walks’ or ‘dinner at mine’ 🤦🏼‍♀️ it’s so disappointing seeing women selling themselves so cheaply.

I also loved getting ready for ‘proper’ dates (restaurant and movie, concert etc), getting a bit dressed up, building the atmosphere as I got ready and excited for the evening etc.

I can’t imagine traipsing around a muddy park and splitting a round of coffees at the end of it.

@Cuppasoupmonster why did your DH pick up the slack when you were on maternity leave? Does this mean he gave some more of his "own" money? That's so low that you don't have access to money jointly. Not something I'd like or want children with.

Still we're all different, we share everything jointly, works well abs I've never thought of him "picking up the slack" very telling saying that is.

Thank god 20-somethings don't have these ridiculous outmoded and frankly offensive ideas about gender roles.

The idea that my kick-ass daughter would sit there like some dummy, expecting her equally poorly paid date to pay is so ridiculous.

I hope to god you're not bringing up your daughters with this ludicrous nonsense.

I don't like the phrase women selling themselves at all.

You’re really reaching aren’t you it’s not rocket science - when I was on statutory maternity pay, I was contributing less, and him more, to the family pot.

You really want me to be wrong about this and the secretly oppressed victim of a sugar daddy but I’m really not 😂

"I also loved getting ready for ‘proper’ dates (restaurant and movie, concert etc), getting a bit dressed up, building the atmosphere as I got ready and excited for the evening etc."

Exactly Cuppasoupmonster. It's just fun. Even now, we still make an effort every so often to go on a "date night" because why not? I think of a man makes no effort in the first place..., well, when is he ever likely to ever make an effort?

Then she’s in for a series of mummy’s boys and cocklodgers.

Exactly dating is basically interviewing for a husband/wife/life partner. If they don’t make an effort to please you then, when will they ever?

If I ask someone out I would always pay.

I do okay financially so don't mind doing the majority but would be gracious enough to accept if someone offered to pay for me

What effort should the woman make to please him? What 's he getting for his money?

I really don't understand why people feel so strongly about this tbh lmao

Some women like a man to pay, some don't. Some men like to pay, some don't. They will presumably date accordingly.

@Cuppasoupmonster

She has a better role model than the one you're providing.

But sure, teach your daughter to sit there like a dummy, expecting a life where some asshole provides for her. As long as he has the cash eh.

Not every man and woman on a date is looking for marriage and babies. Some people are just looking for someone to have fun with. Not everyone sees it like a business transaction, thank goodness. "You want to buy what I have to offer? Then show me your money."

I think reading into first date behaviour as an indicator of what they’d be like when they love you and are in a relationship with you isn’t sensible. I would also offer to split the bill on the first date. If he absolutely insists on paying and you pay next time, fine. But him agreeing to split the bill on date one is certainly not a sign of anything deeper than two people having dinner and paying their own way because at that point they aren’t a couple and their finances are separate.

I was thinking about how times have changed. People now date more people and for longer before marrying. Perhaps the old fashioned rule of men paying worked when they were dating a local sweetheart and swiftly marrying, but I certainly don’t expect modern men to pay to take out every woman on a first date when nearly all of us are working too. It doesn’t necessarily correlate with them being tight or selfish.

until there is COMPLETE EQUALITY between men and women, in EVERY SINGLE walk of life, every field, every scenario, every home, every workplace etc etc, then YES, men can pay on the first date.

And this, ladies, is why there will never be equality. Because the vagina diners think by paying 50/50 we are actually holding back the strive for equality.

Because some cocklodgers exist, every male partner of a woman who pays half (or dare I say it even more) is necessarily a cocklodger and the 50/50 brigade are perpetuating the patriarchy and a traitor to their sex?

How about celebrating the fact that in this day and age there are multitudinous women earning more than men and that this table-turning is doing 100% more for equality than sitting there at the end of a meal with your Cocklodger radars on full and your purse gathering mothballs.

Exactly 👏 👏!

You've got women like @Cuppasoupmonster who think every man even on a first date is wanting to marry them, so should therefore pay!

@TheHoover

"And this, ladies, is why there will never be equality. Because the vagina diners think by paying 50/50 we are actually holding back the strive for equality."

And the mental gymnastics they employ to convince themselves their doing it for the sisterhood 😂

In my case, we talked about children quite early and that we'd want quite a few. So unless DH was totally dense, it's obvious the impact of that was going to be more on me than him. I actually remember when he proposed he said that when if we had children he'd make sure I never had to worry about money. As it turned out, it was just as well, because I was pregnant with out first at 30 and to take time off work for vomiting through the early months and at one point zu each in hospital with dehydration. Then towards the end I couldn't walk because of a trapped nerve in the top of my leg due to the way the baby was lying (apparently this is common). Then I had him, stitches and all. Then I was bf on demand for about 8 months and then gradually reducing that. Then, by the time DS1 was 15 months, I was pregnant again. When she was born, she was very clingy. Then, before she was 2, I was pregnant again. By the time all 3 were at school, Almost ten years had passed. I can't imagine how it would have been with a man who expected me to have worked as well through all that to "pay 50/50." How would that have been equality?

If that's how you think, fine. But if you opinion of men is so low, why are you dating them?

No it’s because women get pregnant and will be left with the bodily, career and caring implications of everything that involves. If the worst thing about being a man in society is being expected to pay for a few dates they’re not doing badly are they? If your ‘type’ of feminism solved anything we’d all be equal by now.

And yes I went into dates confident and expecting to be pleased. So 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Cuppasoupmonster and your DD will be a gold digger.