to prefer a man to pay on the first date?

[partie]

I am a woman. I barely go in first dates. When I do I always offer to split and my offer is genuine, and I become prepared to split but I always prefer they pay for the first date and then I grab the second.

The main reasons for this is that is shows they are not stingy, have a genuine interest in me, and in the future if we became a couple it would signal that they would be willing to help me out should I ever become jobless instead of seeing finances as completely separate. This is security I need from a relationship and it would work both ways.

Do you prefer a man to pay on the first date? I am not asking if men should or are obligated, only what your preference is.

YABU- I prefer to split/ I pay
YANBU - I would prefer the man pays

Why do you write in UPPER CASE? Is it because you're angry you haven't got a DECENT man! 😉.

I've got one of those ones you don't believe exist, I get why you're jealous though, hence your long winded rant and lots of UPPER CASE.

Equality is bliss. You should try it.

The trouble with your attitude is when and where it ends. Do you expect this peacocking to last forever or just the first date? Personally I have issues with peacocking because you're not exactly showing the real you but someone that's trying too hard to impress.

I've no problems with sharing my 'catch' as you describe it but can imagine it becomes quite distasteful when your life together is always one sided because you're not giving yourself away cheaply and there's an expectation to follow your biological ideology.

I earn 10x more that my wife and share it gladly precisely because she doesn't have an attitude like yours. I paid for our first meal but not before she offered to go 50/50. But she paid the tip. We then reversed for the next meal and the one after that .... But I'd run a mile if a woman didn't even offer.

@ambermorning i would say the majority of financial abuse threads start with ‘ive always paid 50/50’. They rarely start with a generous man who turns tight. My friend’s ex always insisted on 50/50 - wouldn’t even do rounds in case she bought a more expensive drink thaN him. Eventually they ended up with 2 kids, her a SAHM with a part time office cleaning job, him on 50k and her paying half the bills/food out of her £400 a month wages 🤯🤯 which was all of it!

Ahh it's to show how calm and logical she is compared to those of us who are willing pay half for a date who are so full of rage and vitriol we can only write in lowercase

As I'm sure somebody will ask for the proof...

Data provided by the Office for National Statistics shows an eye-opening trend. Women are paid more than men until they reach their 40s, according to an official assessment of the gender pay gap. It found that the difference between wage levels for male and female employees leans in favour of women rather than men among workers in their 20s and 30s.

Twenty-something women have earned more than men in the same age group for the past decade. Now, in a further sign that the gender pay gap is retreating, the figures show that for the first time women in their 30s are also paid more than their male contemporaries. Men only become better paid when they reach middle age.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3214854/amp/Pay-gap-Women-earn-men-till-40s-20-woman-paid-men-age-group-decade.html

Women now earn more than men until they turn 35, when the tables are turned, new figures show. Official data found full-time women earned more than their male colleagues in their 20s and early 30s.

But at the age of 35, the trend is reversed and men then earn more money for the rest of their working life. The gender pay gap then widens in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, according to the Office for National Statistics.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2957178/amp/Women-earn-men-35-gender-pay-gap-reverses-end-earning-35-less.html

Women in their 20s have reversed the gender pay gap, but their earning power is still overtaken by men later in life. Figures compiled by the Press Association have shown that between the ages of 22 and 29, a woman will typically earn £1,111 more per annum than her male counterparts."

Using data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS), PA analysed the comparative earnings of men and women. While younger women in their 20s came out top in the earning stakes, the story was vastly different for workers in their 30s.

amp.theguardian.com/money/2015/aug/29/women-in-20s-earn-more-men-same-age-study-finds

According to a new analysis of 2,000 communities by a market research company, in 147 out of 150 of the biggest cities in the U.S., the median full-time salaries of young women are 8% higher than those of the guys in their peer group. In two cities, Atlanta and Memphis, those women are making about 20% more.

This squares with earlier research from Queens College, New York, that had suggested that this was happening in major metropolises. But the new study suggests that the gap is bigger than previously thought, with young women in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego making 17%, 12% and 15% more than their male peers, respectively. And it also holds true even in reasonably small areas like the Raleigh-Durham region and Charlotte in North Carolina (both 14% more), and Jacksonville, Fla. (6%).

Here's the slightly deflating caveat: this reverse gender gap, as it's known, applies only to unmarried, childless women under 30 who live in cities. The rest of working women — even those of the same age, but who are married or don't live in a major metropolitan area — are still on the less scenic side of the wage divide.

The figures come from James Chung of Reach Advisors, who has spent more than a year analyzing data from the Census Bureau's American Community Survey.

content.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,2015274,00.html

I definitely think it’s perfectly reasonable for a man to pay on first date. I always offered to pay half and it was never a dealbreaker if he accepted the offer. I would definitely buy him at least a drink if not a couple drinks. Some of my friends have argued that women would of spent far more time and money getting ready then the average man and I can definitely see their point.
You need to be on lookout for stingy men. A 50:50 life sounds reasonable, however in a long term relationship things like redundancy and illness can really put a spanner in the works. Last thing you want is to find yourself supporting someone through a tough situation and when roles are reversed you see that your so called partner views his earnings as his and your earnings as shared income. Dating allows you to get to know someone and see if it’s worth pursuing a relationship.
At the end of the day women are the ones who give birth and it does have an effect on the earning potential for many.

Paying 50/50 on a first date doesn't equal paying 50/50 for life

Most of us when asked who would pay 50/50 on a first date are actually in relationships where all money is shared.

It's entirely possible that many of the women who expect men to pay 100% on the first date are in the same position.

But what is also apparent from this thread is that there are some women who want men to pay for the first date because they full expect not to work and for the men to fund their lives. But somehow its the men who expect women to pay 50% that are tight.

You can have a pretty good idea about a man though before you have children with him. A man who always wants to split the bill to the penny is definitely more likely to be the type to demand you pay 50/50 throughout having children and a marriage - even though its you who has all the physical / emotional impact of childbirth and it's aftermath to contend with (not just once but perhaps several times in succession).

The main reasons for this is that is shows they are not stingy, have a genuine interest in me, and in the future if we became a couple it would signal that they would be willing to help me out should I ever become jobless instead of seeing finances as completely separate. This is security I need from a relationship and it would work both ways.

I wouldn't read any of the above into a man paying for the first date. He might just be trying to get you into bed.

Whoever asks should expect to pay. It's OK to offer to split but it'll be a mark down if accepted.
Makes no sense to ask someone out, choose the place and ask them to pay especially within the first few dates.

This is about paying on a first date. Not fucking maternity leave. You’re not going to have a baby with every bloke you have a first date with for gods sake. You should be insisting to pay for yourself until you both know if there is a relationship there.

I think stingy men and lazy women are equally abundant tbh. Although it's defo more socially acceptable for us to stay part time once the kids are at school. Most blokes who do this would be seen as unambitious.

@Lunar270 ok so I’ve had 5 relationships. 2 have been with ‘tight’ men, and 3 with generous men (but one was hopeless with money).

The ‘tight’ men were invariably also tight with their time, selfish and whingy mummy’s boys who seemed to think I should enjoy ‘mothering’ them, including servicing their sexual needs.

The generous men were much more caring, mature and emotionally available. And also respectful - they didn’t seem to think they were ‘paying for sex’, in fact one of them insisted on putting me in a taxi home after the third date because ‘he really liked me and didn’t want to rush things’.

No, I don’t think it should last the whole relationship. Maybe as a yard stick, the first few months? When you’re further into relationship territory and have worked out each other’s means then you kind of naturally tailor an arrangement that you’re both happy with. And I definitely have never expected a man to lavish me with gifts and pay for my beauty treatments etc.

I just think a man paying on the first few dates is a good sign that he’s generous and values your time and I’ve not been wrong yet.

You’re missing rhe point. It’s not about finding a man willing to pay for a first date and taking full advantage of him it’s about as women we should wish to pay on the first few dates for ourselves. He can still be willing to pay and you take it as a good sign. You don’t need to bloody accept and take advantage

No but they’re all potential husbands and fathers aren’t they? It’s vetting. You vet during dating, not when you’ve moved in together.

Exactly this

Taking ‘full advantage’ of a man because he pays for a Prezzo 😂 the poor darling being £40 out of pocket to a gold digging woman! Yawn.

THANKS! They are furious indeed that other people have a different preference. Whatever works for them, I'm sure they're very happy. That seems a bridge too far for them to reciprocate.

(Please note the use of capitals because, like you, it's definitely because I'm seething with rage, and definitely not obvious that it's just emphasising a particular word in a post)

Totally agree. I can't believe that any woman thinks like this

Then you need to get out more. Or read some more cocklodger threads on MN.

Using cocklodger threads on MN as a source of accurate information about the real world.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

One was 4 years, one was a year, and one is DH of 6 years. So yes 😊 happy to report once we were together properly we shared all food and bills. I knew going on maternity leave that DH would pick up the financial slack, which he did. I ended the relationships with the other 2 for unrelated reasons - one because we just ran our course, the other was emigrating for work and I didn’t want to go with him or do long distance.

i can’t stop laughing because you think a pizza and glass of wine is gold digging 😂 my god your standards are low.

Are those posters not living ‘in the real world’? If so, who does?

This is just tooo funny, 😂😂😂 how does him not just wanting to pay and offering on a first date but you making him tell you he’s going to pick up the slack when you habe babies. Or even he’d want to have kids with you 😂😂😂😂