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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think Ukrainian families may just have to..

329 replies

FindingMyself1999 · 13/10/2022 22:15

Go back? bbc article

such a sad situation but we barely have enough housing or school places as it is. Unless the hosts can act as guarantors? That’s a possibility ?

the government really hasn’t thought through the aftermath of the hosting scheme.

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 15/10/2022 20:18

This reply has been deleted

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BewareTheLibrarians · 15/10/2022 20:35

@mycatisannoying Schools should be receiving extra funding for students who have arrived on the Homes for Ukraine scheme. That money should be used for resources like an iPads for translation, uniform etc. Your school really shouldn’t be taking resources away from the SEN dept. I wonder if their thinking is that Ukrainian students with no English can’t access the curriculum at all, whereas the student in your example can access the curriculum, but not to their full potential? Doesn’t make it ok though, unless it’s very temporary. The school needs to check they’re receiving the right funding and using it appropriately.

Info here:
www.gov.uk/government/publications/homes-for-ukraine-education-and-childcare-funding/homes-for-ukraine-education-and-childcare-grant-conditions-of-funding

No doubt this will also be used to blame Ukrainian refugees for something they have no control over though!

Scrabble · 16/10/2022 00:32

They face enormous uncertainty. They may get universal credit etc, but they probably fear that they will never get the things they left behind back. May never get their decently paid jobs back. They don't know how long they'll be able to stay in the UK for. When you face so much uncertainty and fear you don't tend to feel like offering to pay for things. And they probably don't think it's expected.

pnutter · 20/10/2022 17:14

I'm hosting as I previously said
I'm a single parent on a low income
I still haven't had a penny of the hosting payments
My guest I treat just as one of my children , own room , food , laundry , cleaning all done , got him a bicycle fixed up , he has free gym for a year
He is from a rich family however and has moaned today that his sister is in an expensive flat in London with a rich family , and he got me , lol 😂 , and my family
He has a job interview next week and I think I will have to ask him for rent or to move out if he gets the job . He wasn't in Ukraine before he came here and this wasn't revealed to me until he'd been here a while . He certainly looks down on the UK (says we are racist , lazy, poor )
I keep things jolly with him as I don't want trouble but I do feel very frustrated that I'm getting no support. Best not expect that from the govt at the moment!

oakleaffy · 20/10/2022 18:25

That's awful!
IF he wasn't in Ukraine at the time of Putin's invasion, why on earth did he come here?
Surely Ukraine is large {Vast} enough for people to move to 'Safely', if he doesn't want to come to UK.
He sounds an entitled twit.
If his family are so 'Wealthy', why aren't they paying for him?
Instead, he is living off a woman much 'poorer' financially than him.

Entitled man.

vera99 · 20/10/2022 18:54

pnutter · 20/10/2022 17:14

I'm hosting as I previously said
I'm a single parent on a low income
I still haven't had a penny of the hosting payments
My guest I treat just as one of my children , own room , food , laundry , cleaning all done , got him a bicycle fixed up , he has free gym for a year
He is from a rich family however and has moaned today that his sister is in an expensive flat in London with a rich family , and he got me , lol 😂 , and my family
He has a job interview next week and I think I will have to ask him for rent or to move out if he gets the job . He wasn't in Ukraine before he came here and this wasn't revealed to me until he'd been here a while . He certainly looks down on the UK (says we are racist , lazy, poor )
I keep things jolly with him as I don't want trouble but I do feel very frustrated that I'm getting no support. Best not expect that from the govt at the moment!

Aren't the men supposed to be in the army if they are under 65?

Kendodd · 20/10/2022 19:10

vera99 · 20/10/2022 18:54

Aren't the men supposed to be in the army if they are under 65?

They don't have to join the army, they're just not allowed to leave the country. Theres still loads of normal work to be done, just keeping the country going. He may well have been outside Ukraine when the war started, loads of people were.

As for calling British people racist, who is he saying we're racist towards, Ukrainians? Has he experienced this?

Kendodd · 20/10/2022 19:11

Actually, you can't argue with him describing us as poor, the poverty in the UK is appalling.

vera99 · 20/10/2022 19:16

Kendodd · 20/10/2022 19:10

They don't have to join the army, they're just not allowed to leave the country. Theres still loads of normal work to be done, just keeping the country going. He may well have been outside Ukraine when the war started, loads of people were.

As for calling British people racist, who is he saying we're racist towards, Ukrainians? Has he experienced this?

He's a wrong un - if he won't go back and help his country out at a time of great need why should anyone here help him out?

MumEeeee · 20/10/2022 19:47

vera99 · 20/10/2022 19:16

He's a wrong un - if he won't go back and help his country out at a time of great need why should anyone here help him out?

People are being called up, conscripted. I think any one should have the right now to beat arms or to escape war. Whilst I am grateful for those who join the armed forces, I believe it should be optional. I would not happily send my own son or husband to conscription, and I understand why others wouldn’t. A state does not own you simply due to you being born there.

vera99 · 20/10/2022 20:02

MumEeeee · 20/10/2022 19:47

People are being called up, conscripted. I think any one should have the right now to beat arms or to escape war. Whilst I am grateful for those who join the armed forces, I believe it should be optional. I would not happily send my own son or husband to conscription, and I understand why others wouldn’t. A state does not own you simply due to you being born there.

Yes, I can see where you are coming from but I can't imagine some of the Ukrainian women over here take too kindly to a fit and healthy man abusing both the system and the host. The major issue is he seems to be taking the piss out of a kind and not-too-wealthy person. I would give him his marching orders and tell him to join his sister.

Kendodd · 20/10/2022 20:19

MumEeeee · 20/10/2022 19:47

People are being called up, conscripted. I think any one should have the right now to beat arms or to escape war. Whilst I am grateful for those who join the armed forces, I believe it should be optional. I would not happily send my own son or husband to conscription, and I understand why others wouldn’t. A state does not own you simply due to you being born there.

They are not being conscripted to fight. Or conscripted at all beyond the military service Ukrainians usually do. Nobody is being forced to fight for Ukraine.

vera99 · 20/10/2022 20:27

Kendodd · 20/10/2022 20:19

They are not being conscripted to fight. Or conscripted at all beyond the military service Ukrainians usually do. Nobody is being forced to fight for Ukraine.

Thanks for the clarification

www.washingtonpost.com/world/2022/03/09/ukraine-men-leave/

A Poland-based spokesman for the United Nations’ refugee agency said that among the new arrivals, Ukrainian men of military age were “very uncommon.” But Oleg Palii, the director of a Moldovan legal group that deals with asylum cases, said Moldova has seen plenty of men — including cases involving bribes or people darting across open parts of the border. He said that one night this week, in the Moldovan border town of Palanca, “it was only men passing through.”

Andriy Demchenko, a spokesman for Ukraine’s state border guard service, said that people between the ages of 18 and 60 who don’t have permission to leave — and who come to official border crossings — are simply turned back. He said those who cross illegally face fines if caught and are “recommended to the local recruiting station.”

In Chisinau, at the army barracks, a 32-year-old IT employee from Kyiv said he and his father, 57, had managed to cross without any problems. They presented non-Ukrainian passports. The catch is that in Ukraine, dual citizenship is illegal. The 32-year-old said he had talked with his dad at length about whether they were doing the right thing, and they agreed that war had forced them into a terrible, cold decision: picking their own interests above those of their country.

“I don’t feel like a traitor,” the son said.
He said it was natural to choose self-preservation.
“Just like America,” the father said.
He asked: Why do you think NATO countries aren’t entering the fight and defending Ukraine?
Svetlana Mihailenko left a son behind who chose to stay and fight for Ukraine in Odessa, but she said she does not judge the men who left the country. (Gianmarco Maraviglia for The Washington Post)
The alternate path — staying behind in Ukraine, fighting — was easier to envision for Svetlana Mihailenko, a 62-year-old grandmother in a lace sweater who arrived at the army barracks with no family at all. She said her “whole life, and her very soul,” had been left behind in Odessa: two grandchildren, her daughter-in-law and her 34-year-old son. They’d chosen to stay together. And her son had joined the local defense unit.

“He was a PR employee before the war,” she said.
To evacuate or not? In Odessa, some older residents cannot flee war.
Mihailenko had a place to go — to a daughter in London — but this way station in Moldova struck her as impossibly sad, a place where any conversation with other refugees would lead to tears. She slept on a bunk bed, waited for a visa to Britain and occasionally received a text message from her son: “Everything is fine, please don’t worry,” he said.
She noticed that all around her were men. Men the age of her son.
“I don’t judge. They will have to live with their choices,” she said. “Even I feel like I ran away.”

pnutter · 20/10/2022 23:21

I've told him tonight that I've not received a penny to help towards his stay here , to be fair he seemed surprised
But he's been in London today to meet his sister who is now living in a huge apartment in Knightsbridge, with pool and concierge , he showed me the pictures
I did get a but short with him now and said perhaps you should go there , I'm not proud of that
But on the same day I've been to the food bank today for my elderly neighbours
I asked who owns this flat in Knightsbridge, and this is the point I have had to go to bed .. a Ukrainian couple friends of his family
All if this is true by the way if any one doubts
Just what a mess this whole situation is
I struggle to get my daughter to school every day with no travel allowance and £7 a day train fare

pnutter · 20/10/2022 23:22

I think the worst bit it, I was told he was a young lad in danger in Ukraine
I certainly would protect anyone's child like I would my own son
Which is what I thought I was doing

vera99 · 20/10/2022 23:29

pnutter · 20/10/2022 23:22

I think the worst bit it, I was told he was a young lad in danger in Ukraine
I certainly would protect anyone's child like I would my own son
Which is what I thought I was doing

Time to ask him to leave he has a wealthy support network in-country - he's not your problem and you have done a huge amount from the kindness of your heart already. Your daughter and your own MH have to be your priority. Good luck.

pnutter · 20/10/2022 23:37

I'm just worried I won't get paid the 4 months hosting payment they already owe me tbh
If I turf him out I mean. I'm selling belongings etc, I need that money to pay bills
But I can imagine the council refusing to pay if he's no longer under my roof
Thanks 🙏 I will try calling the council again tomorrow

RedToothBrush · 21/10/2022 10:14

pnutter · 20/10/2022 23:37

I'm just worried I won't get paid the 4 months hosting payment they already owe me tbh
If I turf him out I mean. I'm selling belongings etc, I need that money to pay bills
But I can imagine the council refusing to pay if he's no longer under my roof
Thanks 🙏 I will try calling the council again tomorrow

You really should have been paid by now. The longest I've seen was a 12 week delay. They then got the payment in full in one lump. Absolutely chase it up and give them hell over why you've not had it. You are being too soft with the council in that.

Get it in your bank then give this guy the boot. He has the means to get by but he sees you as a good nest to cuckoo in all the same. Whilst simultaneously abusing you emotionally.

Do right by you, if that's the situation. You are allowed to.

MoleAtTheCounter · 21/10/2022 10:49

We are hosting a young couple with a baby. The father got through the checkpoint into Poland as he had a medical certificate that exempted him from military service. He seems healthy to me - runs, cycles, plays football. I suspect that he paid a doctor for the certificate. Ukraine, like Russia has a lot of corruption.

Era · 21/10/2022 11:04

I have five Ukrainian refugees living in our property. They are loaded. They told the job centre they had nothing and so they are getting approx £1500 a month. The father works elsewhere. It transpires they were actually in Moldova when the war broke out living in their property there..

jtaeapa · 21/10/2022 11:11

I said this at the time and was called names. The UK is in crisis: health (waiting lists, difficult seeing any doctor ever), education (places and standard), housing stock (already so many families stuffed in B&Bs, shortage of housing, terrible starndard, cramped), our roads are falling apart and gridlocked, everything. It was ridiculous to accept refugees. We should have had a massive collection from individuals, DEC style and given as much as we could to Ukrainians, but helped to set them up in countries which were not so overcrowded. France has the same number of people but twice as much land just as an example.

oakleaffy · 21/10/2022 20:55

jtaeapa · 21/10/2022 11:11

I said this at the time and was called names. The UK is in crisis: health (waiting lists, difficult seeing any doctor ever), education (places and standard), housing stock (already so many families stuffed in B&Bs, shortage of housing, terrible starndard, cramped), our roads are falling apart and gridlocked, everything. It was ridiculous to accept refugees. We should have had a massive collection from individuals, DEC style and given as much as we could to Ukrainians, but helped to set them up in countries which were not so overcrowded. France has the same number of people but twice as much land just as an example.

I agree with you- UK is on it’s knees.
The housing situation is dire, as are services.
I don’t understand how the Ukrainians couldn’t have moved to the peaceful parts of their homeland?

Kendodd · 21/10/2022 21:30

jtaeapa · 21/10/2022 11:11

I said this at the time and was called names. The UK is in crisis: health (waiting lists, difficult seeing any doctor ever), education (places and standard), housing stock (already so many families stuffed in B&Bs, shortage of housing, terrible starndard, cramped), our roads are falling apart and gridlocked, everything. It was ridiculous to accept refugees. We should have had a massive collection from individuals, DEC style and given as much as we could to Ukrainians, but helped to set them up in countries which were not so overcrowded. France has the same number of people but twice as much land just as an example.

Yes but that is 100% our own fault. The country doesn't have to be like that, it's not inevitable, we get what we vote for and this absolute skip fire is it.

Badnewsoracle · 21/10/2022 21:41

I hope not! Around here some businesses are only open because of the Ukrainian workers.

pnutter · 22/10/2022 03:12

I called the council today , again , no joy. She was the manager of the refugee programme for KCC but she gave me short shrift and said it's out of their hands , these checks on me are not complete
I have enhanced dbs already and in date but this wont be accepted, nor my current passport , utility and council tax bill. She said apparently it's some processing place in Liverpool according to her that is holding up the process
If I was an axe murderer it's a bit late as he's been in my home 4 months