To have refused to take nephew out for the day?

Nope. If he's too anxious to go to school, he's too anxious to go trampolining. If he can go on a day out, he can go to school. If he can't go to school, he can do home work. There wouldn't be any of this lying in bed on his phone shite.

I do agree.
People are much harder on teen boys.
I have three of them and it makes me 🤬

Parents are raising a bunch of snowflakes these days. Allowing them to stay in their bedrooms all day and not pushing them to go out of their comfort zone is going to ruin their lives. Is that what you want for them as adults?! How are they going to work? Oh no theyre too anxious to work so they’ll just sit in their bedroom and claim universal credit. Depressing! Get help for your kids!

You think that parents of school refusers don't try to get help for their kids? You think they just "allow" this to happen? How very ignorant of you. There's very little help out there, and even when there is, there are long waiting lists and endless hoops to jump through.

My brother has a teenager who has terrible anxiety, hasn't been to school in well over a year, has missed his entire GCSE year. It's terrible, for all of them. He's been waiting for help from the CAMHS and the NHS for over a year, but he's still waiting. Anything that has been offered has meant that he's had to leave the house, but they can't even get him out of his bedroom most of the time. What are they supposed to do, wrestle him out when he's taller and stronger than his parents?

My brother is lucky that he's been able to pay for a private psychiatrist and psychologist. There are glimmers of hope, but they've still got such a long, long way to go.

It's really not as simple as 'Get help for your kids'.

OP, YANBU if you just don't want to take your nephew to the trampoline park. But you are very, very unreasonable if you are doing this because you are judging, and you think you know better than his parents what would be good for him.

I'd love to be able to take my nephew out to a trampoline park. I haven't seen him in over two years due to his anxiety. I miss him terribly.

About school - Google school anxiety and save yourself being so embarassingly ignorant in future. It's a mental health condition, not just "being a bit worried" and you push on. Like depression isn't "being a bit sad."

If he's too anxious to go to school, he's too anxious to go trampolining. If he can go on a day out, he can go to school

Wrong! And ignorant.

I don't have any and noticed the difference. Disgusting isn't it. Like man up.

He should be getting treatment for his anxiety then

Yes, he should. But that is so much easier said than done. Childrens mental health services are on their knees at the moment. The help and support that many children need just isn't there. My nephew has extreme, life changing anxiety, and he just couldn't get the help he needed, even after an entire year. His parents have gone private, but waiting lists for private childrens mental health services are also very long.

You sound very uneducated on school refusal and anxiety. I have a friend who's son not gone to school since Feb last year.....he has attempted suicide and it's been a very hard struggle for my friend to get support from the school and lea. Saying that no way could he do this activity as it involves him seeing other people and leaving his bedroom. Maybe start being a supportive aunt here to your nephew who is struggling at the moment.

DD2 gets everything ready for school she wants to go, but just can't. There is a mental block. No amount of punishment or bribery would make her go to school, no punishment is greater than having to go to school when they don't feel safe there. If we tried to take her in mid panic attack (aside from the physical impossibility of forcing her in, even between two of us as she is adult-sized) she runs away and that is far more unsafe than her remaining at home.

There is no mental health handbook that would suggest forcing someone to do the thing they are terrified of helps them get over it, it just creates further trauma. Not that this stops school suggesting it, or fining parents when they would like nothing more than their kids to just go to school.

Disgusting attitude

Really? I had a diagnosed anxiety disorder and managed further education perfectly well with some reasonable adjustments.

@JennyForeigner2

What an unpleasant comment. When it comes to school refusing, there is a lot more to it than the way that a child has been brought up or whether their parents value education.

It sounds as if he hould be getting more support from the school - could they not send work for him to do at home? It's important he has support with his education. I am very sympathetic to his anxiety but I think that his days at home should be spent doing school work so they are productive and for his long term interests in not missing out on his learning.

So no I don't think you should take him to the park, in school hours but personally I would offer to take him out at the weekend or after school time if he is comfortable with that as I suspect he doesn't manage to go out much on his own.

@budgiegirl Not wrong. Nor ignorant. I suffer badly with anxiety to the point I am on 3 types of medication for it.

Its crippling. But please explain why he cannot do his school work at home?

I have every sympathy for him not going to school but he still needs an education.

What he does not need is rewarding with a trampoline park when he should be at school.

There's a fine line between supporting and enabling.

What happens to school refusers if parents have this attitude?
I have friends whose kids have refused at one time or another. Mostly, with a lot of gentle understanding and support, they have made it back in. None of them forced them (beyond maybe the very first time).
It's extremely depressing that so many people seem to think anxiety is a choice.

This is why it would be a flat no from me. Men deciding how to schedule the woman's time? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

DD is in nursery nephew is 15. 10 year age and size difference. It's a nonsensical pairing for that activity.

Purely on physical safety grounds a commercial trampoline park is very unlikely to permit a strapping great teenager to trampoline with 5 yr old little girl.

But please explain why he cannot do his school work at home?

I'd guess because with most schools that is not an option.

Yup that's my issue with it. Why have 3 adults decided it's ok to try and make OP do this.

We certainly value education. DH and I are both professionals, and with graduate/post-grad qualifications. DH is a school governor. DD1 is on for 3 x As* at A-Level. DD2 had excellent attendance at primary school but has struggled since she started secondary school.

In September 2020, by the way, which is not insignificant.

I suffer badly with anxiety to the point I am on 3 types of medication for it

I'm truly sorry to hear that, but then maybe you can understand better than most that people with anxiety can cope with some situations better than others? That a visit to a trampoline park may not cause as much anxiety as a day at school? And you would therefore refrain from making such sweeping statements as If he's too anxious to go to school, he's too anxious to go trampolining. If he can go on a day out, he can go to school.

I wouldn't have taken him either . He shouldn't be allowed to just not go to school , he is being set up for a lifetime of failure with no education .
If he is genuinely I'll then the support comes from getting him professional help not allowing him to doss at home on screens .
Teenagers are great manipulator's so has he been professionally assessed ?

A trampoline park is not the place to deal with that.

And what do you suggest the parents do to make him go to school?
It's not quite a simple as get him professional help. Do you realise how long this sort of help takes to access?

This isn't true at all. I'm the child of highly educated parents who really value education.

One of my siblings has spent her entire life refusing to do anything- school, work, family events etc. This is apparently due to anxiety.

Funnily enough, she's always well enough for my mum to take her to the seaside, to gigs, cafes, shopping, all the fun stuff. Mum thinks it's important for her to get out and about....

She is now 40 and my mum is 75. And she (my sister) still lives with my parents, has never held a job nor a relationship nor learned to drive nor is she willing to use public transport. My mum still does everything for her. Be warned!