To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

[PrueHalliwell]

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

I went to Manila for just over two weeks with work when my kids were that sort of age (almost 3 and 10 1/2 months). I expressed and donated milk while I was away so I could continue feeding small when I got home and it was fine even though prior to that I’d only been back at work about 6 weeks and youngest had been mainly with me up to that point. They were sad when I left and happy when I came home but while I was away they were totally unfussed. It was actually much worse being away when they were 3 1/2 and 5 1/2 eight before lockdown as they got upset at various points that I wasn’t there. If you want to go and your in-laws are willing then why not. In a few years they might be too old to offer and kids would enjoy a holiday at that point and be missing out. They won’t be missing out on anything at 10 months and 2

I think it's something you need to wait until a lot closer to the time before booking - see how you and your MIL feel about it in about 6 months time .

It depends on the disposition of the children and their bond with mil at that time. If she's a primary care then sure. But you won't know what your baby is like and it's a tricky age.

If you're looking for people telling you to just go for it, you won't hear it from me I'm afraid.

You are very fortunate to have decent childcare- make the most but, not florida and not for a week. A long weekend somewhere in UK or Europe is much better

@Spud70

no they won’t!

They won’t be grown up for at least 18 years

that’s a looooooong time to not have a life of your own and never have any time away from
your kids

life is short, you can’t take it for granted

live a balanced life where you are a good mum but also retain a sense of self and do stuff for yourself

this whole trope that you get your life back when the kids grow up isn’t the case for everyone - illness, death etc - there’s no guarantees

live your life whilst u can - even if you’re a parent!

I do actually have a degree in psychology so I am aware of attachment theory however it is my understand (and I might be wrong) but it's something that develops over a long period of time and I don't think a week would be enough to cause long term trauma - my ds has a secure attachment and I had to leave him quite a bit when he was a baby and then a week when he was 11 months old (but that wasn't a holiday) and he seems okay but all babies are different so I'll have another look into it as don't want to cause any unnecessary issues.

I went off to Singapore for a week when my children were that age …twenty years ago.
They were absolutely fine. They are all very happy well adjusted adults with a great relationship with their Mother 😊
Enjoy and ignore all the pearl clutching !
FWIW it is actually older children that really need their parents in my experience.

Also my two older children were regularly picked up from nursery/ school because their little brother had emergency admissions to hospital and they just accepted the situation without worrying. Your children will be ok as long as you are .💐

DD used to stay with grandparents at least once a month overnight from when she was 12 weeks. By the time she was 4 she was off to France with grandparents for a week at a time in the summer. Never had any problems - she loved her time with them as well as with us. If your children didn’t know your mum well it would be different, but your little one is happy with her and I’m sure the 2nd one will be if they know no different. I would go for it but probably within a 4 hour flight rather than 8 hours.

Any debate on attachment theory could go on all night and end in a dramatic deconstruction of the John tapes and it's really not the point, is it. It might make a child insecure for a significant time, it might not. That's all we really know.

Sorry, I can't get past the weird title. Why wouldn't you write "leave 2 year old and 10 month old with grandparents for a week?" Leaving them alone for a week is a very different (and obvs mental) proposal... clickbait I guess?

Not really, just didn't think people would actually think someone would ask whether it's okay to leave a 2 year old and 10 month old actually alone for a week.

From the DGM perspective, DS1 and DDIL left DGS1 for a long weekend (4 nights) aged 10 months split between us and the other GPs. It was awful. He was just too young, very unsettled, unhappy, didn’t sleep very well.
We’ve recently had both DGC for a long weekend - this time they’re 4 and almost 2 - still too long. They were ok, but missed their parents and then missed us. It’s just too unsettling.
sorry if that’s not what you want to hear. I think USA is too far and a week is too long.

My DH and I went to New York for 5 nights when our first born was 2. He stayed with My parents for the first 3 nights and then MIL for last 2 nights. He carried on going to nursery during the day and was absolutely fine. It worked better as he was young and so just carried on with life and wasn't too upset.
We were planning on going back to New York this year for my 40th and leaving our now 6 year old and 4 year old again with parents but due to covid we decided not to.
Life is for living. My DH and I loved our holiday just being us again, we missed our little boy but it also helped our relationship massively. If you are worried maybe not go as far but I say go for it.

Much better for who?

Some of these comments are wild

It’s really hard to decide before baby arrives. I left DS1 to go abroad for work for 1 week when I he was 8 months. We were fine, he was bottle fed and eating well so didn’t need me and my DP and I had been trying to equally share parenting. Could your LO and the baby spends a lot more time with granny over the next year, including some over nights, so it feels natural to them?

on the other side I still haven’t been able to leave DS2 for more than 1 night and he’s nearly 5. He bf until 2.5 and is super clingy to me only (we blame the pandemic). At 10 months he was still co-sleeping and feeding regularly so I couldn’t have left him.

which is a long way to say can you hold off and book in a few months when you see how you feel and how things are going with having 2 kids?

But it won’t make a child insecure for a significant period of time

As I asked another poster

find one example of this happening after a week away from primary care giver and there being any issue with an already established, secure attachment.

I think it's fine to go. You might never get the chance again- with kids getting bigger, you might take them next time or granny might not want them for a week in future (or, God forbid, might not be around forever,- not being morbid, just a fact,)
Its only a week, they will be well looked after. You will have a ball.
(Btw, we went in May- got great deals on black Friday with attraction tickets for the theme parks!- keep an eye out!)

Op, others have mentioned the issue of how quickly you could get back. Obviously this is important, but distance isn’t the biggest factor - money is. If you have enough money for a substantial emergency fund that makes things much simpler. If you’re doing it on a shoestring and couldn’t afford ££££ for emergency flights back that’s a much bigger problem.

What an amazing offer from MIL - go for it. Ignore all the boo hoo sad faces on here who couldn’t possibly leave their children even for one night. It’s good for them to get used to grandparents… they clearly wouldn’t offer unless they thought they could do it. And with your Mum nearby too. Sounds perfect.

Especially with 3 days at a childminder. Sounds like they won’t be clingy children who can’t be left with anyone (like some on here who make a rod for their own backs).

Agree with sleepovers at grannies beforehand to get everyone used to it though.

The thing is you've no idea what type of baby the new arrival will be....laid back...a screamer...does or doesn't sleep through the night ?

I think your Mil is being very brave saying yes to looking after 2 young children for a week.

Everyone is different, you need to do what you're comfortable with.

For me it would be a definite no. I have a 4yr old and a 1yr old and I couldn't bare to be apart from them for that long, a week is a very long time.
I also wouldn't want both parents to be so far away and out of the country at the same time so it would be UK only and a maximum of a couple of nights for us. I have done trips abroad/weekends/nights away but not at the same time as DH since our youngest was born.

If one of them became seriously ill and needed hospital treatment would you be OK with not being there? At 10mths our oldest was treated for suspected meningitis. He needed a parent with him.

Also ours love theme parks as much as we do, I wouldn't enjoy that type of trip without them.

They'll be fine for a week. I think it's important that couples have time alone and that children have relationships outside of the nuclear family.

Being in the air at 38 weeks pregnant (assuming you are flying there), followed by going to Universal when about to give birth is what makes this post seem totally bonkers, not leaving the kids for a week with grandparents.