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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
Newmum0322 · 12/10/2022 20:55

I think it’s perfectly reasonable for grandma to look after the children for 1 week. However… I do think you may feel differently closer to the time. You don’t know what DD will be like, how she’ll be eating/sleeping/taking to grandma etc… and you may regret booking it. I’d suggest waiting until she’s at least 6 months until you book somewhere

abblie · 12/10/2022 20:55

When Will parents learn not to start a thread on leaving their kids for a holiday 🤣🤣🤣🤣 it's like walking into hell freely

Stickworm · 12/10/2022 20:56

My now two year old could cope after being upset for a couple of days. My now 5 year old would absolutely not have coped with this when she was small, she struggled with even short separations and is yet to sleep overnight anywhere as she find the idea distressing. Point is all kids are different, you don’t know what the new baby will be like and how you’ll feel about leaving her.

Paq · 12/10/2022 20:57

Too far for too long IMO. 3/4 nights somewhere closer feels a better balance.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 12/10/2022 20:59

I'd be right on that plane!

diffusedl · 12/10/2022 21:01

It's completely up to you.
For me, I couldn't leave my 9 month old for more than a couple of nights in the UK! But that's just me.

Original poster
PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 21:02

I'm glad I started this thread, there's a lot to consider I do think DS would be fine as he spends every Monday with MIL and some weekends, they have a lovely bond and he loves her (and my mum) I don't know what baby will be like but as she gets older she'll probably go with him on Mondays too and we could always try a few weekends to build her up - I guess I don't know about the separation anxiety as like mentioned from 8/9 months I'll be back at work and she won't see me a lot of weekdays and even some weekends but at least she'll see me so I get that point.

I'm mostly worried about if something was to happen whilst I was away and how quickly I could get back - that's a big one for me so I'll think about it a bit more.

But thank you everyone for your opinions so far, they're varied and gives me a lot to think about.

OP posts:
whiskersonkittenss · 12/10/2022 21:02

My bad 🤣 do it! If your mom is capable and kids are happy to be away

SoftSheen · 12/10/2022 21:03

I think the real problem with booking a holiday now is that it's difficult to predict (1) how you will actually feel at the time and (2) what sort of baby you're going to have. Some 10 month olds are very chilled and great sleepers, others are very clingy at this age and still wake up a lot at night. And of course, many two year olds can also miss their parents, wake up in the night and be generally quite challenging during the day. Even if both children are angelic, at those young ages it's quite a big ask for anyone to look after them for a whole week, with the parents essentially unobtainable if things get difficult. Personally, I would wait until nearer the time before booking anything, and start off with a single overnight stay, just to see how it goes.

Muststopeating · 12/10/2022 21:06

babysharksb1tch · 12/10/2022 19:14

I have a three year old and 11 month old. If someone offered to look after my kids so I could go away for a week you wouldn't see me for dust.

I'm with @babysharksb1tch!!!

I left my 7 month old and 2 year old with their dad (who had been offshore for the immediate 6 weeks prior) for 3 nights to go to London for work. They were fine. I was fine. I did decide at the time that 3 nights was my limit.

I have 3 now and that limit would no longer apply! 😂

And to those saying do the kids get a holiday too... give over. They are babies. Makes not a single ounce of differnce to them. And they get some lovely bonding time with granny.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/10/2022 21:08

Cherrysherbet · 12/10/2022 19:20

It’s not something I would have personally done because spending that amount of money would have always impacted what we could do as a family together. We waited for trips like that so the children could join in.

I wouldn’t have left young children like that for a week either. Sorry.

@Cherrysherbet

why are you sorry!

plenty of people would and are telling op so!

dont be sorry - I’m sure she’ll have a fab time if she goes and it is her 30th after all!

Darbs76 · 12/10/2022 21:10

I’d see how your MIL copes with two. As that’s quite full on. I left mine for 4 days when they were 3 and 1 but with their dad. I’d probably stick with 2-3 nights in Europe with them being so young, you’re a long way across the Atlantic if any emergencies

JaffavsCookie · 12/10/2022 21:10

I used to have to travel a lot for work when my oldest 2 were that sort of age. I remember my DH having to unwrap the 2 year old limb by limb when i said goodbye to go to the states which was fairly brutal, but worse was my return ( laden with presents ) when the 2 yo ignored me, and refused to engage with me for nearly 3 days. Grim.
would not ever do it for pleasure at that age.

Starryskiesinthesky · 12/10/2022 21:10

Sounds fabulous - I would definitely leave them with a grandparent who loves them and will know them well. Why wouldnt you?!

Housenoob · 12/10/2022 21:10

Would you be able to enjoy the holiday or would you be constantly worried about or missing the kids? I'm the latter so I wouldn't enjoy the holiday at all but if you're the former (no judgment BTW) then go for it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/10/2022 21:11

Hatscats · 12/10/2022 20:33

I’d take the kids!

@Hatscats

why???

its her 30th birthday she’s gonna want to relax and let her hair down

the holiday is about her not the kids

Fundays12 · 12/10/2022 21:11

It’s personal choice but I wouldn’t go abroad and leave my kids. They are 10, nearly 6 and 3. I just wouldn’t want to be a flight away if something happened such as they got seriously unwell. Me and DH did go away overnight in June which was a 2 hour drive away. It was the first time in 4.5 years we had been away on our own (it was meant to be for my 40th birthday but covid restrictions meant it got delayed). I would go away more often but we don’t have the babysitters however neither me or dh would be comfortable being abroad without our kids. I actually think it’s a decision you need to make nearer the time.

2pinkginsplease · 12/10/2022 21:12

I personally wouldn’t do it, maybe a weekend an hour from home but I wouldn’t go a plane journey away.

my children were like chalk and cheese, ds would go to anyone, dd would only go with me, dh or her grandma. Both brought up the same and both had the same experiences, just dd was a bit more clingy, infact a lot more clingy. Nursery at 3 was a struggle .

Retreat · 12/10/2022 21:12

I did it. Well for 4 days to the states and I felt guilty for the whole time. Apparently my youngest just kept staring at the door crying because I wasn’t there, however she was very clingy. It was for a family members special birthday and I went as a surprise as they did not think I would come. I never did it again, always family holidays after that.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/10/2022 21:13

Revolvingwhore · 12/10/2022 19:20

Will the kids be getting a holiday too?

@Revolvingwhore

why do the kids need a holiday?!

they will be 3 and 10 months

what exactly do they need a holiday from?! they don’t have stress, work, bills to pay, etc etc

get yourself off Op!

Spud70 · 12/10/2022 21:14

Don't do it
Your kids need you, look up attachment theory
They will soon be grown up.

MummyJ36 · 12/10/2022 21:15

Have you ever had that long away from DC before? A week long haul is a long time and a long distance. I’m 100% behind parents having their own time and a break from their kids but a whole week and add on top of that a long haul flight where you’ll be in a different time zone…..I mean I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t you not go away for a long weekend somewhere short haul? It seems quite indulgent to go away for this long but each to their own.

Confusion101 · 12/10/2022 21:15

OP a lot of people are telling you what they would do which isn't really answering your question... You have asked would you be selfish to go. You absolutely 100% would not be selfish to go! There are a lot of benefits for going (couple time, a break, recharge, mental health benefits) that would benefit you and your family on your return. It is in no way selfish! 💕

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 12/10/2022 21:16

Book it and go!

Sometimes you need to prioritise your relationship and the kids are young enough to forget it. They will have a great time, be well looked after and loved. It’s only a week not 6 months

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/10/2022 21:16

Monday1Morning · 12/10/2022 19:32

Oh this makes me sad that you’d actually want to do that :( I couldn’t leave my children (same ages) especially to go somewhere full of children that I know would just make me think of my children at home and how much they would enjoy it… all because I’m 30 :(

@Monday1Morning

why exactly does it make you sad?!

turning 30 is a big deal! Milestone bday - needs celebrating all while the babies are being well cared for by a loving grandparent.

what’s “sad” about that?!

op may never get this chance to go away like this again

she could really regret it if she doesn’t go

you only get one life - live it !