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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 12/10/2022 23:02

Revolvingwhore · 12/10/2022 19:20

Will the kids be getting a holiday too?

Their holiday is staying with a loving grandma.

Original poster
PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 23:04

Happyhappyday · 12/10/2022 22:58

I would do it if DC are ok with it. Mine would be fine, she likes grandmas house better than mine anyway! But DC are also at school full time so less work for grandparents.

To be fair apart from overnights and it depends how baby sleeps because DS is an amazing sleeper they would only have them Monday and Friday, childminders for the three days in between and if they've had enough my mum would have them for the weekend before we get back (if we went) so hopefully it wouldn't be too much for any of them.

OP posts:
PugInTheHouse · 12/10/2022 23:33

We left DS1 with grandparents at 20 months but only for 3 days when we went to NY. He has a great relationship with them and both my DCs stayed overnight from young age. They have never suffered with separation anxiety, they have always been confident staying out. When they were 3.5 and 18 mo they stayed with my parents for a week, we were all in the US and got married, GP had them for a week after we got married. They were fine. We accidentally bumped into them on the 2nd day and the eldest said we don't need to go back to them (us) do we 😂

I guess it really depends on their relationship with their GPs, sounds like the eldest would be fine.

Some people I know didn't even go on a night out for 5 years after having their DCs as they didn't want to leave them. You will get a huge range of responses in RL also I guess. It works for us and a lot of our friends also.

Had to chuckle at the poster concerned about a 2 yo and 10 mo getting to go on holiday, they literally wouldn't have a clue!

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 12/10/2022 23:37

If everyone involved is ok with it why not?

You'll get lots of comments about how people have never even leave their kids in the care of the other parent overnight and they're teenagers but I don't see the problem.

Parents often have to travel for work (usually the men 🙄) and no one bats an eyelid. Only thing I'd be concerned about is that baby isn't here yet so you won't know if they're likely to get seperation anxiety this far out.

PugInTheHouse · 12/10/2022 23:38

Blimey, just seen a pp saying her parents are in their 50s and exhausted after a day. 50s is not old, DH is mid 50s now and still working 12 hr+ days, my dad did the same till he retired at 62. He worked 4 12 hr shifts then looked after my DS on his day off.

MrsAvocet · 13/10/2022 00:08

The thing with threads like this, is that we all look at the situation from our own perspective. All my children were still breastfed at those ages so the idea of being away for a week is just something that would never have entered my mind. Nor did I have anyone who would have both been able and trusted to look after them for a week. So my initial response is "No! Absolutely not!" But that's because I am thinking of me, my situation and my babies. And the "Yes of course, go for it!" posters are probably doing the same. Our answers are probably right for our families.But the only people who can really assess your specific situation are you, your DH and the GPs who will be looking after your children. If you are all happy, does it really matter what others think? Trust yourself!
The only thing I'd suggest you bear in mind is that your unborn child is of course the completely unknown factor here. You're probably imagining things being similar to first time around, and indeed they may be. But you could get a baby with a completely different personality that changes everything. My best friend had a very placid first baby who she could leave with confidence but her second was the exact opposite and she had to review her views on a lot of things! So maybe leave booking as late as you can, or at least book in a way that you won't lose all money if you decide against it once baby number 2 is here. Good luck with everything.

Seemsok · 13/10/2022 00:22

MrsAvocet · 13/10/2022 00:08

The thing with threads like this, is that we all look at the situation from our own perspective. All my children were still breastfed at those ages so the idea of being away for a week is just something that would never have entered my mind. Nor did I have anyone who would have both been able and trusted to look after them for a week. So my initial response is "No! Absolutely not!" But that's because I am thinking of me, my situation and my babies. And the "Yes of course, go for it!" posters are probably doing the same. Our answers are probably right for our families.But the only people who can really assess your specific situation are you, your DH and the GPs who will be looking after your children. If you are all happy, does it really matter what others think? Trust yourself!
The only thing I'd suggest you bear in mind is that your unborn child is of course the completely unknown factor here. You're probably imagining things being similar to first time around, and indeed they may be. But you could get a baby with a completely different personality that changes everything. My best friend had a very placid first baby who she could leave with confidence but her second was the exact opposite and she had to review her views on a lot of things! So maybe leave booking as late as you can, or at least book in a way that you won't lose all money if you decide against it once baby number 2 is here. Good luck with everything.

Absolutely 100% agree with this post.

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 13/10/2022 03:25

I wouldn't go away for that long if they were that little. I have a 3 year old and a 15 month old and the only time I have been away was when I was in the hospital having my second daughter. It's not just the length of time but how far away you are. If something happened you wouldn't be able to get home quickly. I would go away for a weekend in the UK and save universal for when they are older and go as a family.

PrioritiseCalm · 13/10/2022 04:21

I wouldn't have done at that age no. As would have still been feeding the youngest & would have missed them so much.
But it's up to you.
Also it's very far. How about Disneyland Paris instead op?

PrioritiseCalm · 13/10/2022 04:27

PugInTheHouse · 12/10/2022 23:38

Blimey, just seen a pp saying her parents are in their 50s and exhausted after a day. 50s is not old, DH is mid 50s now and still working 12 hr+ days, my dad did the same till he retired at 62. He worked 4 12 hr shifts then looked after my DS on his day off.

Exactly. Some people even have kids in their late 40's early 50's!

thelastgreatdynasty · 13/10/2022 04:34

I think it's difficult to decide until the baby is here. I've always had to travel internationally for work, since my children were babies, so I probably would, if the baby has an easy temperament.

Krabapple · 13/10/2022 04:49

yanbu for leaving them but it’s a lot for your mil. I look after 1 grandchild a couple of days a week and it’s knackering ( and I’m quite a bit younger). Add in sleepless nights with 2 of them and you pils will be exhausted. I do love having them but it’s hard work and I know mines not a brilliant sleeper.

PanPacificBallroomChampion · 13/10/2022 05:32

Revolvingwhore · 12/10/2022 19:20

Will the kids be getting a holiday too?

🙄

Dumbledormer · 13/10/2022 05:56

I left my DS for a week with my mum when he was 11 months old for my honeymoon. He was absolutely fine and had a blast. I, however, missed him terribly and cried after three cocktails on my first day away! Once I got over that, I had a great holiday and I’m so glad we went. I did worry about my mum though as he was full on at that age but she also had the support of my MIL 10 minutes away and she said she enjoyed every minute of it (she could well have been lying through her teeth but ignorance is bliss sometimes 😅). So obviously I am on team “Go For It”, your kids will be absolutely fine and it’ll probably be your MIL/mum that needs a stiff drink at the end of it and you may find you miss the little sods more than you thought.

youtwoandme · 13/10/2022 06:14

I could never do that to my children. They're both going to be so young. It will be confusing for them. You don't know what the baby is going to be like (clingy etc.) ... I'd personally wait until they're older, but even then a holiday such as this, they'd come with us, no questions asked.

MMDSH · 13/10/2022 06:49

I can't say what you should do. Personally, I'd wait until they are older honestly. A week is a long time. I feel guilty leaving my twins - age 3 - at my mum's for a sleepover, even though I wouldn't mind 2-3 days lol but I can't imagine doing it for a week, not yet anyway - though I could really use a week haha. I reckon a rule of thumb is a day per year the first few years. So age 1 = 1 day away, 2 = 2 days away etc.

EmmaDilemma5 · 13/10/2022 06:54

I personally couldn't. I'd love a week away but I couldn't leave two very young kids with someone for a week, I'd be really worried about how they're all coping.

BUT we're all different and if you want to go then you should. Just be wary you may change your mind. Also, I hate to say it, but what if your baby has a health need that you're not aware of yet? I'd wait until they're a few months old before booking just so you know the full situation.

GloriousGlory · 13/10/2022 08:10

Revolvingwhore · 12/10/2022 19:20

Will the kids be getting a holiday too?

Why? Do 3 year olds and 10 month olds appreciate holidays!

Sounds good to me, I may arrange for my mum to have them overnight for one of the nights, or would that unsettle them (which you'll know closer to the time only).

Barneysma2 · 13/10/2022 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Absolutely agree with you.

Barneysma2 · 13/10/2022 08:20

Absolutely go! Enjoy yourself. You have your own life to as well as being their mum. They will be well looked after and I am sure they will love being with their grandma for a week being spoiled. Don't feel any guilt whatsoever, mums deserve down time too.

Barneysma2 · 13/10/2022 08:29

Monday1Morning · 12/10/2022 19:32

Oh this makes me sad that you’d actually want to do that :( I couldn’t leave my children (same ages) especially to go somewhere full of children that I know would just make me think of my children at home and how much they would enjoy it… all because I’m 30 :(

But why shouldnt she want to do that? She is her own person, just because you become a mum doesnt mean you cant do anything without them and not have your own life. She is 30 and should go and celebrate, its one week not one year and she shouldnt be made to feel guilty for wanting some time away

ChlorineChris · 13/10/2022 08:38

Absolutely no way here.

But my babies were breastfed, one was very poorly and in and out of hospital at that age, the other was massively clingy and hated being left with other people, my MIL worked FT and had no spare time and I hate Disney.

So I agree with the PP who said everyone is answering from their own particular perspective.

(That said, I think even if I left them and went away, the thought of being that far if something happened would be beyond my comfort zone. Friends of ours got stranded abroad when the Iceland dust cloud stopped flights and the stress of not being able to get back to the kids nearly killed her.)

LuckySantangelo35 · 13/10/2022 08:49

ChlorineChris · 13/10/2022 08:38

Absolutely no way here.

But my babies were breastfed, one was very poorly and in and out of hospital at that age, the other was massively clingy and hated being left with other people, my MIL worked FT and had no spare time and I hate Disney.

So I agree with the PP who said everyone is answering from their own particular perspective.

(That said, I think even if I left them and went away, the thought of being that far if something happened would be beyond my comfort zone. Friends of ours got stranded abroad when the Iceland dust cloud stopped flights and the stress of not being able to get back to the kids nearly killed her.)

@ChlorineChris
op is not going to Disney

LuckySantangelo35 · 13/10/2022 08:53

All these people saying to op

wait

wait a couple of years until kids r older

she may never get this kind of opportunity again, she needs to grab it with both hands whilst it’s there

HelpNeeded7 · 13/10/2022 08:57

Could you take them and mil with you?!