To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

[PrueHalliwell]

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OnlyHams

I cannot give you that evidence. But nor can you assert it won't cause an issue. You don't have the evidence for that either. And maternal instinct as evidenced on this thread would frequently suggest otherwise. Not to be sneezed at.

I wouldn't personally do this, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with it. My eldest is 4 and my youngest is just turning 1 and I wouldn't do this now. I wouldn't feel comfortable them being without me or DH for that length of time, or with both of us being that far away from them at the same time. So I'd be ok for one of us to be away with someone else but not both at same time. And my kids are both super close to my DPs and DB so it's no concerns about their care or anything, but I'm sure both would be unsettled by us both being away for that long nevertheless. Also I wouldn't let my DPs do it anyway as they're in their 50s and my DM used to get knackered just looking after my eldest on her own one day a week! It's hard tiring work for me and I'm in my 20s!

@PurpleWisteria1

save it for her 40th?!

thAt is over a decade away!

that’s a looooooong time to not have a life of your own and never have any time away from
your kids

life is short, you can’t take it for granted

live a balanced life where you are a good mum but also retain a sense of self and do stuff for yourself

this whole trope that you get your life back when the kids grow up isn’t the case for everyone - illness, death etc - there’s no guarantees

live your life whilst u can - even if you’re a parent!

Some parents aren’t particularly attached to their children, something I cannot even fathom, but there it is. Going to a mostly children’s vacation destination without your children—when you could easily wait a couple of years and do a geographically closer romantic couple’s holiday instead—across the ocean, while they’re still tiny. Makes no sense. It’s like you want a children’s holiday, without your children. Ok. Strange.

Honestly OP, not even a question I'd ask. It's the sad, shocked, worried, I-must-be-a-better-mother posters that will seem the loudest in this situation.
I'd wait and do what I felt like at the time.
Obviously, I didn't love my kids as much as those who couldn't bear to be away from theirs. I was more than happy to leave mine at that age. Personally, I think kids feed off us so obviously they're not going to be ok if one is an overbearing, anxious type parent 🤷‍♀️

I have 3 wonderful adult children to whom I'm very close. Had no trouble leaving them when they were very little. They loved time with my parents and I loved the break and chance to recharge. Win win for us all

Attachment disorders aren't caused by one-off events ffs. If that was the case, then every child whose parents ever went on a business trip would be traumatised for life. Parents just like to shame other parents when they do something nice for themselves.

I'm pretty sure that when women went into hospital to have second and third babies when they eventually kicked out after a couple of hours, but stayed at least a week, that the vast majority of two year and ten month olds weren't permanently traumatised by being looked after by their heavily involved grandparents for the period.

OP, have a lovely time wherever you choose to go.

@MysteryBelle

it’s OP’s 30th birthday!!

it’s about her not the kids! They can have lots of family hols in the next few years all together

not everything has to be about the kids all the time!

I know how important I am to my children and how important they are to me.

I was asking more about if they're used to being away from us for longer periods of time and are used to the caregivers then would it really traumatise them as much as some posters are suggesting because obviously I wouldn't want to cause them unnecessary upset.

Yes but I’m not saying never go out am I? A night or two once in a while but for me a week is far too long.
My kids are preteen now and I’ve only ever stayed away for 1 night with DH although that’s Also due to having not much childcare options.
i just think a week is a long time for both parents to leave them before the children properly know why they went and when they are due back which honestly isn’t until they are 7+ IMO

I would not do this with DC of those ages, and even if they were older I wouldn't go so far without them. You already have a child so I guess you know how you might feel about leaving them now, as a guide to how you might feel next year.

I've not read all of the responses.
Just a few that " never, ever could leave their children."

That said I personally wouldn't go to Florida in case I couldn't get back if i needed to.
But I really wouldn't question going away for a week without them if the MIL was up for it. I'd just choose to be somewhere closer. But that's as I'm fairly anxious.

I'm very attached to my children and do my best to do what I can to ensure they have the best life I can give them, going away for a week doesn't mean I'm any less attached to my children or that I don't love them and it doesn't make me any less of a mother.

It's strange how people can like different things isn't it? Yes it's a theme park (and obviously not all we'd be doing) but there's many adult activities to be enjoyed.

Yes- a bit different really though.
sort of a want and a need situation there.
Even my two year old would have understood the difference between mummy’s in hospital to have a baby (that the 2 year old would have seen the huge bump for weeks before hand and most likely been talked to about) to mummy and daddy have gone on a holiday.

A 2 yr old and 10 mth is a lot for someone who isn't their normal care giver for a whole week. You have no idea how you will feel once the baby is born or if they'd both settle or be absolutely miserable. I assume if you're thinking about a week in Florida then money isn't an issue. I guess you could do trail runs - overnight, w/e etc and see that goes before parting with any money.
I couldn't do it but then I wouldn't leave my teenager for a whole week!

If you're happy and you reckon the children would be happy, go for it! IME the hardest things about leaving children this age are 1) you don't feel ok with it, for reasons you realise are daft but which nevertheless claw at you, 2) you have no suitable childcare, which is a higher bar at this age than later, and 3) the child is really unhappy.

You know 1 and 2 aren't an option. I suppose it's possible 3 would suddenly come into play if your older one went through a 'mummy or nobody' phase, or if the new baby you've not had throws a spanner in the works. But all things being equal, it's not stupid to plan this holiday, because there's a good chance you will get to go.

True, I should have rephrased it, because I think what I was trying to say was that it is actually more fun for parents to see their children have fun in a place like that, than if the vacation is just for the parents, if that makes sense. The fun and joy are even greater, is what I meant. You seem a little detached, clinical, in your posts and that kind of influenced my response. It’s difficult to gauge each other’s words on online forums.

I would go away but not for a week and not to Florida; it seems too far to go for just a week; wouldn’t like to go so far when the children are so young. But I am not you and there are lots of parents who travel for business or pleasure and leave their kids with nannies or relatives

I'm not trying to be snarky, but ... are you sure? My DD is 5, and one of her peers has just acquired a little brother, and literally none of them (including the big brother) really understood the bump meant that mum was pregnant, or what it had to do with a hospital stay. I find it very hard to believe any two-year-old child understands the distinction between 'gone away to have a baby' and 'gone away to have a holiday'.

Of course, as adults we know that parents can't really do much to change the situation if mum has to go into hospital, whereas a holiday is a choice. And there's an argument to be made (though I wouldn't personally make it) that the former is ethically ok and the latter isn't. But I don't think you can really claim that it is developmentally normal for a two year old to know the difference between the two things.

Why not have a weekend away alone and then a week with the kids? A week away is long time when they're that little for them. If you're that far away and they're really sad would you even enjoy your time anyway?

I personally wouldn't go that far for that long at that age.

It's two kids. She's pregnant with the second just now, who will be 10 months next year.

She's due in 2 weeks. The planned holiday is next year. That's a heck a long time to be overdue.

I would do it if DC are ok with it. Mine would be fine, she likes grandmas house better than mine anyway! But DC are also at school full time so less work for grandparents.

She's due in 2 weeks. The planned holiday is next year. That's a heck a long time to be overdue.

If she's still inside of me this time next year then I have more problems than worrying if they'll be okay for a week

I think it's the way I've worded it, some posters knew what I meant but others thought I was even more insane ready to ride the hulk when I'm about to pop haha