AIBU?
To be angry about this weekend.
PublicLaundry · 11/10/2022 15:57
So Bro in law got married this weekend to a lovely woman.
DH and I were asked last minute and without any proper briefing to pick up one daughter from his exes and then ended up parenting her all weekend. My kids ended up policing the 13 & 16 year olds drinking. The older one had a complete meltdown. The previous lovely new stepmum ignored them all weekend as did their dad. There's clearly been a huge famy fracture that we know nothing about.
We spent Sunday tidying up the village hall.
we now have their dogs to look after for a fortnight with no proper instructions or equipment (dog bed, tags for our house, no if hours left unattended, etc)
We're getting updates about the amazing honeymoon, the lovely photos, etc but we have had nothing from the grown ups thanking us for our contribution to their exhausting weekend. Even the left over booze & cake was whisked away!
The 13year old has dropped me a lovely message, I'm really angry on her behalf her dad and stepmum spent more time and money on their stupid dogs than that poor kid. We rustled up a last minute outfit because the poor kid had nothing special to wear just her older sisters unwashed, ill fitting clothes.
Two days later I'm still furious about the way the little girl & DH & myself have been ignored or not communicated with. The dogs are just a constant reminder and i've had to take time off work to get a grip of them.
Aibu to be angry?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:59
Yeah I think YABU to be honest. They got caught up in the wedding whirlwind and now they're on honeymoon. They'll thank you when they're back, I'm sure.
SafeMove · 11/10/2022 16:01
YANBU at all. Opting out of parenting just because you have a wedding isn't a good thing at all. The dad deserves more berating then the SM as he is the parent but even so, they are both adults acting like children. Are you going to say anything?
Herejustforthisone · 11/10/2022 16:01
Christ no, of course you’re not being unreasonable. What a shit show.
gamerchick · 11/10/2022 16:03
Tell them you're sorting out an invoice for care of the dogs or someone can come and collect them now.
Means you're shot of them for good if that's what you want.
SafeMove · 11/10/2022 16:07
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:59
Yeah I think YABU to be honest. They got caught up in the wedding whirlwind and now they're on honeymoon. They'll thank you when they're back, I'm sure.
I am getting married next June and one of the things I am looking forward to most is some of the involvement my DC are having in the wedding. DP is marrying into our family, it was just me and the DC (he isn't their Dad) and we have really made sure its acknowledged that it's much bigger than just me and DP. Wedding whirlwind or not, you have to think outside just the two of you when DC are involved.
Pixiedust1234 · 11/10/2022 16:08
You are entitled to be angry/annoyed but why are you doing so much for an in-law? Wheres their immediate family?
Testina · 11/10/2022 16:14
There’s a mix of unreasonable and not.
You can’t complain about tidying up the hall if you offered. And the dogs - it’s your fault if you didn’t ask what you needed to know. Why do you need to take time off work for that?
It’s hard to believe that the only clothes the child (13yo?) had access to were dirty too large clothes of an older sibling.
Testina · 11/10/2022 16:16
Also YABU to gripe at not getting leftover alcohol and cake. Why would you?!!
thelobsterquadrille · 11/10/2022 16:16
Why did you agree to do all this in the first place?
Testina · 11/10/2022 16:20
I don’t really get a lot of this. You think the 13yo is lovely, but also your own kids had to police her drinking? Which isn’t so lovely.
“DH and I were asked last minute and without any proper briefing to pick up one daughter from his exes and then ended up parenting her all weekend.”
What briefing do you need to pick up a teenager? What’s “last minute”?
Did she stay an unplanned night with you?
What 13yo doesn’t have clothes they can sort out themselves? (Some, but are you really saying she’s one?)
PublicLaundry · 11/10/2022 16:25
We didn't volunteer.
We were given the village hall clean up as our 'job'.
We were driving past the kids house so were asked the day before to pick her up saving her dad a two hour journey
The kids packed what she thought, and although I'm not a huge fan of the mum, she knew nothing about the style or type of wedding, she had tried a couple of dress options but it's hard to be enthusiastic about dressing your daughter for your exes new marriage. It wasn't her job! The bride and groom managed to dress themselves, two bridesmaids including the bride's daughter and two dogs.
IABU about the wine and cakes, I really don't need any more sugar or cheap fizz.
Testina · 11/10/2022 16:30
“We were driving past the kids house so were asked the day before to pick her up saving her dad a two hour journey”
Well that’s hardly “last minute”.
Testina · 11/10/2022 16:30
“We didn't volunteer.
We were given the village hall clean up as our 'job'.”
Then you volunteered. When they were asking family to help out, you could have said no.
Naunet · 11/10/2022 16:31
Well lesson learnt OP, don’t ever put yourself out for them again. Next time they tell you something is your job, laugh and say no.
Also, why are you having to take time off to look after your in laws dogs? Is your husband a piss taker too?
thelobsterquadrille · 11/10/2022 16:33
We didn't volunteer.
Well, surely you did volunteer to have the dogs? Or are you saying they dumped them on your doorstep and ran?
Hankunamatata · 11/10/2022 16:34
I feel really sad for kids. Bil couldnt be bothered to get them wedding outfits - that's awful
Madremia06 · 11/10/2022 16:35
I don't think YABU .. it sounds like a bit of a pis3take actually.
Were neither of his daughters involved at all? It should of been his responsibility to ensure both daughters were present and correctly dressed for his wedding.
I would sit him down and have words when he gets home .. I feel sorry for both his kids ..
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/10/2022 16:36
So the bride's daughter was a bridesmaid but the groom's daughters were... forgotten?
Testina · 11/10/2022 16:37
”it's hard to be enthusiastic about dressing your daughter for your exes new marriage. It wasn't her job!”
I loved my daughter showing me photos of dresses for her dad’s wedding 🤷♀️
Are you sure 13yo didn’t want a “fancy” dress and was just told to wear what she liked? It was only a village hall. If the options were only dirty too big clothes, sounds like she might be a “no fancy clothes” type. All young teens girls I know who like to dress up, would have easily had something at least their own and clean.
You seem OTT over “last minute” requests the day before, and complaining at not getting left over cake… so I am tending to assume there’s a bit of OTTness on the other things.
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/10/2022 16:39
I think you got talked into doing things you didn't want to because it's hard to say no and your annoyance now is because you wish you had actually said a resounding no! I sympathise!
diffandproud · 11/10/2022 16:44
Seriously, they just got married. I'm
Sure they have better things on their minds other than you. The norm is to thank the relevant people a few weeks after the wedding. Some people can take months to get around to sending out thank you cards...jeez give them a break, they only got married at the weekend 🙄
Explainthis · 11/10/2022 16:44
You are really not BU at all. We can gloss over the dodgy logistics but not over the way the two DCs have been treated by the happy couple. Really sad.
KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 11/10/2022 16:47
You are obviously a people pleaser OP so YABU for moaning now.
This situation is of your own making.
People will keep doing shit like this unless you learn to say No.
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 11/10/2022 16:56
Explainthis · 11/10/2022 16:44
You are really not BU at all. We can gloss over the dodgy logistics but not over the way the two DCs have been treated by the happy couple. Really sad.
Agree. The bride and groom sound self-centered and obnoxious. Imagine a father not making sure his daughter had something nice to wear to his wedding?
They should have had a nice hamper and some vouchers ready to present to OP and family before they left for honeymoon. At the very least. For caring for the kid, the dogs, the cleanup, etc. A VERY nice hamper.
1FootInTheRave · 11/10/2022 17:00
Since when did attending a wedding come with a job?! Wtf.
Picking the kids up is a none issue.
Having the dogs is a huge ask.
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