To be angry about this weekend.

[PublicLaundry]

So Bro in law got married this weekend to a lovely woman.
DH and I were asked last minute and without any proper briefing to pick up one daughter from his exes and then ended up parenting her all weekend. My kids ended up policing the 13 & 16 year olds drinking. The older one had a complete meltdown. The previous lovely new stepmum ignored them all weekend as did their dad. There's clearly been a huge famy fracture that we know nothing about.
We spent Sunday tidying up the village hall.
we now have their dogs to look after for a fortnight with no proper instructions or equipment (dog bed, tags for our house, no if hours left unattended, etc)

We're getting updates about the amazing honeymoon, the lovely photos, etc but we have had nothing from the grown ups thanking us for our contribution to their exhausting weekend. Even the left over booze & cake was whisked away!

The 13year old has dropped me a lovely message, I'm really angry on her behalf her dad and stepmum spent more time and money on their stupid dogs than that poor kid. We rustled up a last minute outfit because the poor kid had nothing special to wear just her older sisters unwashed, ill fitting clothes.

Two days later I'm still furious about the way the little girl & DH & myself have been ignored or not communicated with. The dogs are just a constant reminder and i've had to take time off work to get a grip of them.

Aibu to be angry?

What do you mean by the dogs stuff? Dog beds yes should be provided, but tags? Why? I’m taking what you’re saying with a pinch of salt as you sound to me like you were expecting a lot of gush and gratitude for helping & since that hasn’t happened you’re annoyed.

How did you end up looking after her for the weekend? I would have dropped her off and moved away.

YANBU. The girls are your DH's nieces so of course you both felt obliged to look after them, given their dad was shit. They're kids and it isn't their fault.

What does DH think about how his brother has behaved?

“They should have had a nice hamper and some vouchers ready to present to OP and family before they left for honeymoon. At the very least. For caring for the kid, the dogs, the cleanup, etc. A VERY nice hamper.”

I’ve been to a couple of weddings where people - mainly family - all pitch in to make it happen. Especially village hall affairs like this, rather than hotels or exclusive hire venues. I’ve been to a “bring a dish” wedding as there wasn’t much money around. It’s just seen as helping out with love, and people would be embarrassed to receive hampers or gift vouchers!

I am trying to find reasons not to be angry.
I have two teen girls so I guess I'm projecting a lot, I would never treat my imagined future step kids like this and neither would DH.

I wish someone had called and talked us through how the kids were feeling about the wedding, the expectations and how best to handle it. I chased up mil about this but got very little, just the older one would be dipping in and out.

Instead DH and I spent the weekend trying to work out a least harm strategy with very little background to go on. Teens can be a mind changing nightmare but you shouldn't just give up on them.

Really wish I'd been very firm about no to the dogs. They leave small shits, the colour of acorns under the oak tree on the drive which I find everytime I walk to the car.

My anger is not about being given thank you stuff it's more the complete lack of direct contact, DH & I have got post traumatic stress about preventing an alco vomiting child and the dad hasn't touched base once.

DH is away for work so I've been stepping in dog shit and re erupting.

Are you actually more annoyed with your DH - did he leave you to deal with these things you weren't expecting?

I'm proud of DH, he worked bloody hard all weekend, reassuring and distracting various kids. The whole weekend was an expensive, multi venue, logistical nightmare. A lot of money was thrown at some aspects but corners cut elsewhere.

Seeing the stress and the impossible detailed standards people now aim for, I dont think I'd get married again !

You didn't reply to my question. Is the BIL your DH's brother? If so you really do have a DH problem esp since he's buggered off for work leaving you with two strange dogs to look after by yourself. You need to sit him down and explain very carefully that if he wants to do favours for others then he gets to actually do them. Not you. I suspect that is why you are so angry, he's volunteered you without your agreement.

I think you are probably right @Pixiedust1234 , I'm angry at DH for not refusing the dogs, two weeks with a completely unfenced garden with no tags for our home if they get lost, no dog bed, I don't want them on my sofa because they smell doggy, only six packs of dog food which isn't enough. The return drop off is inconvenient for us but would sound petty if we complained.
The groom is my DHs brother. He's very wealthy so all the corner cutting is annoying and he's just had several weeks off before changing roles, so had more than enough time to put time and energy into his own children.
I'm also stressed with work and my own wider family, and very menopausal.

That's terrible. YANBU.
We're (finally) getting married next year, have an 8yo together. I've already started planning who will be looking after DD during various stages (e.g. will be very busy in days leading up, morning of will need to get ready and she won't want to just sit quietly in the same room, etc). Surely that's a given if you have a child. And she'll be coming with us on honeymoon.

I appreciate the children involved here are older and step-children (for the bride at least) but to not even sort clothes out and a proper childcare plan whilst they're off on honeymoon is beyond the pale really.

What about his daughters? Bridges DD is a bridesmaid and his DDs don't even get a new outfit to wear. I think that is awful and what away to start off.

I suppose his DDs might get their new outfits in a few weeks as well.

This is a dh problem he has said yes to all of this and left it to you!

Stop looking after the dogs that is dh's job and including the acorn poops
Forget about the tidying up and especially the poor dc, whom have been totally overlooked by their father

Tell dh he said yes, he deals with it all and walk away. Stop fixing everything. It is not your job to do any of this op

It sounds like you’re missing several pieces of the puzzle OP, if as you say there was some sort of bust up prior to the wedding with BILs DC. Until you get the full facts, when they’re back from honeymoon, getting angry feels a bit pointless.
Your own DH is a more legitimate immediate target r.e. the dogs, but honestly I don’t see the point in getting worked up about all of this until everyone’s home. If you don’t get a full explanation and proper thanks then, fire at will!

YANBU.

Entitled people who have used their wedding aa an excuse to neglect all their responsibilities.

YABU but only because you should have just said no and let them sort their own kids and dogs out!

We are getting married next year, I don’t think that gives me a licence to dump my kids and stepson onto other family members to look after so that we can swan off and enjoy ourselves.

Ridiculous of them to foist their dogs on you if they can easily afford kennels.

Why does your garden not have a fence? Can anyone just walk in to your back garden?

How does anyone get so caught up in a "wedding whirlwind" that they forget to make arrangements for their children and their dogs? Apart from anything else, you usually need to book months ahead so no whirlwind involved.

Why is that relevant to this OP?

You picked a kid up as a favor, who didn't have appropriate clothing, you were roped in to looking after the dogs AND had to clean up the hall. CF's!
Did anyone else in the family do anything?

I guess the DF didn't even think about getting his DD a new outfit and obv the new wife couldn't care less. But, tbh, if that was my DC and I was the resident parent, that kid would have been immaculately turned out. That's on the girls Mum. She was probably feeling resentful.

I'd have declined cleaning the hall, as you have their dogs to look after. Surely there must have been someone else.

As for your kids supervising the younger kids, that's fairly standard.

I hope you didn't get them a present as well as you've saved them a fortune in kennel fee's.

OP put the dogs into kennels. Tomorrow. Give rich newly married guy's name and address and leave him to settle the bill for his dogs on his return from honeymoon. He can't claim to mind. He can afford t. He left you with no instructions/equipment for care and insufficient food, so clearly "still alive" is good enough and they will almost certainly be "still alive" when collected from even a shit kennels. Once done give it no further thought. Then sort your house out so it's clean and de-dogged etc how you want it. You've already taken the time off work so use it to relax and have a bit of a holiday. Either go out to have fun with DC or if they're in school go out with friends/alone. Just don't use the extra time for anything remotely like chores, do that at the usual time you would if working and use the time off work to have fun.

Sorry, just read that the groom is very wealthy - he hired a village hall!!! That has to be a joke, right?

Novum - Because the OP is complaining about having to look after BILs dogs with an unfenced garden, So if her garden is completely open so that anyone can walk on it why agree to look after dogs.

I wish someone had called and talked us through how the kids were feeling about the wedding, the expectations and how best to handle it. I chased up mil about this but got very little, just the older one would be dipping in and out

Never let this happen again!! The two women (unrelated to the children, although granted, she’s now the step mum) in this situation speaking together about these children whilst the two related men, one of whom is the actual parent, does fuck all.

Cutting through the hyperbole, your BIL is an arsehole. I feel sorry for his kids.