To be angry about this weekend.

[PublicLaundry]

So Bro in law got married this weekend to a lovely woman.
DH and I were asked last minute and without any proper briefing to pick up one daughter from his exes and then ended up parenting her all weekend. My kids ended up policing the 13 & 16 year olds drinking. The older one had a complete meltdown. The previous lovely new stepmum ignored them all weekend as did their dad. There's clearly been a huge famy fracture that we know nothing about.
We spent Sunday tidying up the village hall.
we now have their dogs to look after for a fortnight with no proper instructions or equipment (dog bed, tags for our house, no if hours left unattended, etc)

We're getting updates about the amazing honeymoon, the lovely photos, etc but we have had nothing from the grown ups thanking us for our contribution to their exhausting weekend. Even the left over booze & cake was whisked away!

The 13year old has dropped me a lovely message, I'm really angry on her behalf her dad and stepmum spent more time and money on their stupid dogs than that poor kid. We rustled up a last minute outfit because the poor kid had nothing special to wear just her older sisters unwashed, ill fitting clothes.

Two days later I'm still furious about the way the little girl & DH & myself have been ignored or not communicated with. The dogs are just a constant reminder and i've had to take time off work to get a grip of them.

Aibu to be angry?

It sounds more like her husband agreed to it against her wishes.

Buy more dog food, keep the receipt and ask for the money on their return. Or tell them the dogs are going in kennels, at their expense,

So its ok to get caught up in the wedding whirlwind and forget you have kids and dogs and just dump them on someone without so much as a by your leave? really? I dont have any friends or family that operate that way. If you are a grown up....and its assumed you would be with teenage kids....you organise their wellbeing early doors....not as an after thought. Shite parents and pretty shite relatives all round.

I'm beginning to think some posters are having a competition between themselves for the maddest first response to a post.

I'd find the dogs a local kennel which they can pay for when they pick the dogs up quite frankly.
Poor kid - drinking at 13 is not a good sign...

YABU for calling the dogs stupid but it sounds shit all round tbf.

YANBU.

They have responsibility for their DC and dogs.
Sounds like they think they’re free to do whatever they like.
Whisking off into the sunset without so much as a backward glance is all well and good if you have no children/pets to think about. These two sound like selfish and neglectful CF.

This. And it's hardly the dogs' fault, don't blame them. It's all down to the so-called adults. Let's hope there is something planned as a thank you on their return.

I just can't get past that no one sorted a proper outfit for the dd. That is shit all round.

I honestly think all adults in this scenario abu. If, even unexpectedly, reluctantly and unreasonably, their DC were left in your care, why was it left to your kids to police their drinking? Like the rest of the story, this doesn't make sense to me. Shouldn't the adults have been taking charge of all stuff like this? What were you and other adult members of the party doing that precluded you, as a collective, from stopping a 13 year old getting so drunk, she was vomiting?

Your DH needs to take charge of the dogs since he was the one that agreed to look after them.

I think you are being unreasonable about some bits, reasonable about others...

I assume you agreed to look after the dogs? I doubt they just dropped them off, so a conversation must have been had, and you must have known what looking after dogs entails (and that you dont have fences!) so I feel that one is on you. I am guessing the dogs are annoying you because of the rest of it, whereas if the rest hadnt happened, you would not be pissed off by the dogs?

Picking up the DD makes perfect sense, you were literally passing the door and the BIL would have had to make a 2 hour round trip. Why would you not have picked her up?

However it should have been BILs responsibility to find her appropriate clothes to wear for the day, ensure she was looked after and happy, or at least spoken to you/MIL etc beforehand to ask if you would mind keeping an eye out for them as they will be busy at various points. (It is also a shame they werent part of the wedding party when the brides DD was, but thats another matter).

If they genuinely just expected you to clean up at the end without asking, that is also rude. (Or did they say "are you ok to help?" and you said "sure!"?)

I think all the little things are annoying you and you are possibly over reacting to some of it, when if just one of the things happened (or you werent stressed/menopausal) you wouldnt give it a second thought.

(Apologies for the lack of apostrophes, apparently my keyboard works differently in MN 🙄)

why were their clothes not sorted by their own mother-its up to them both to sort that o9ut isnt it

doesnt sound like the new wife or their dad is very interested in them

tell your dh to look after the dogs

This is the perfect response to the situation.

OP,

You are very silly to be accepting such appalling treatment from your husband and his brother.

Neither of them have any respect for you.

Find kennels, drop the dogs off, text your CF BIL the address.

As for your husband🙄, I bet this isn't the first time you have been treated like the help!

I agree with everything @Testina has posted.

Presuming this is dh's brother ?
Presumably he was happy to help out with clearing the hall on the following day (as I would have been for someone close to me). If not, when asked, he / you should have said that you couldn't / wouldn't.

If I was passing my niece's home on way to where my brother was, and it would save him a 2 hour drive, then I would have offered weeks previously to pick her up, to help with logistics. I can't understand why this is some sort of a chore for you.

I can't understand how in one post your niece is a little girl, yet in an earlier post you are talking about needing to police her drinking.

Dogs - presumably you / your dh agreed you were happy to look after them ? You didn't open the front door to see them in your garden with your BiL driving off into the distance ? So why agree if you don't like dogs ?

It seems the issue here is either your dh agreeing to things without talking to you about them, or the pair of you having some sort of difficulty with saying "No".

This!! How sad!

The return drop off is inconvenient for us
So you have the dogs for two whole weeks, while your husband swans off on a work trip, and you’re expected to deliver them back at the end? Come on, BIL is walking all over you and your husband is allowing it to happen. At the very least they can collect their own dogs! Having a wedding doesn’t turn them into royalty.

Ifvthye could arrange a wedding then they can certainly have made proper arrangements with you regarding the care of the dcs and the dogs with adequate instructions and clothes etc. What a shit show. Hopefully they'll thank you on their return. Just watch out for future holidays and them expecting you to do the same again.

Anyone thing would not be a problem. We're pretty laid back. Just as I think I've calmed down I remember something else.
I'd even stomach the dogs if they'd arrived with a full service history and a clean dog bed. As it was, I assumed their dog bed and feed bowls in the £5,000 for three nights manor house hired by the family were their's and have had to post them back to the owner and buy another one.

But Mostly I'm angry about the kid being let down by all of the grown ups in her life. Even me.
BIL could have picked that kid up and used the hour to chat, one on one with his 13year old. How reassuring would that have been.

My mil, who's in touch with the older child every day could have taken an interest in the younger one, it's a weird golden child thing.

A 13 year old having to be stopped from drinking is very, very sad. That needs unpicking. That's just very wrong. No one has given her an emotional language to use.

My kids & DH saw at no point any warmth between the sisters or the new stepmum or even their dad. I shouldn't have to tell a grown ass man to compliment his daughter and insist he takes a photo.

And a 13year old needs confident, happy guided choice to pick an outfit. I'm three hours away and way down the family pecking order but it's not exactly a hardship for an adult to give up time and work with her to come up with something special.

And no kid, no matter how middle class or organic or body confident should be putting on clothes that reek of BO. The older sister smelt bad, really noticeable.

So the dogs will annoy me but it is thinking about the two teenagers that haunts me.

It sounds like a bit of a mission but you could have said no. Looking after a dog and a 13 year old isn’t really that hard. Feed them, make sure they don’t do anything that can kill them and a walk (for the dog). It does sound like you’re over dramatising it all and a bit a of martyr. Why you’d need to take time off doesn’t make sense at all. I dread to think what you’re like in a crisis

For two weeks of dog care, too? It's the least they could do.

I think your issues boil down to you and DH bring wet blankets n not saying No.

'"it's your job to clean the village hall'
" No, we can't, we've plans all day"

'Here's the dogs"
"No thanks"

You've allowed yourself to be used, your decision.

But thank goodness you have been there for your niece.

“DH & I have got post traumatic stress about preventing an alco vomiting child”

I really don’t think you have. That’s a ridiculous and borderline offensive thing to say, and just confirms that nothing else you’ve said can’t be assumed to be over dramatic bullshit 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree with this.