To be angry about this weekend.

[PublicLaundry]

So Bro in law got married this weekend to a lovely woman.
DH and I were asked last minute and without any proper briefing to pick up one daughter from his exes and then ended up parenting her all weekend. My kids ended up policing the 13 & 16 year olds drinking. The older one had a complete meltdown. The previous lovely new stepmum ignored them all weekend as did their dad. There's clearly been a huge famy fracture that we know nothing about.
We spent Sunday tidying up the village hall.
we now have their dogs to look after for a fortnight with no proper instructions or equipment (dog bed, tags for our house, no if hours left unattended, etc)

We're getting updates about the amazing honeymoon, the lovely photos, etc but we have had nothing from the grown ups thanking us for our contribution to their exhausting weekend. Even the left over booze & cake was whisked away!

The 13year old has dropped me a lovely message, I'm really angry on her behalf her dad and stepmum spent more time and money on their stupid dogs than that poor kid. We rustled up a last minute outfit because the poor kid had nothing special to wear just her older sisters unwashed, ill fitting clothes.

Two days later I'm still furious about the way the little girl & DH & myself have been ignored or not communicated with. The dogs are just a constant reminder and i've had to take time off work to get a grip of them.

Aibu to be angry?

Call BIL and tell him you are taking his animals to the animal shelter. If they object, give them as much time as they gave you at the beginning of this whole episode, and then if the dogs aren’t gone, DO IT.

Then promise yourself never to do anything for this loser again. Chalk your losses up to learning, but take care of the children until their dissolute and irresponsible parent comes to get them. They (the children) will thank you for it later.

@Toomuchtrouble4me well I posted that before all the drip feeds but you'll see, if you read them, that OP's husband actually agreed to help them out. It wasn't dropped on them.

It's no good letting this anger fester - you have to tell how you feel when they return. You have a couple of weeks to calm down a little and get the facts straight without over-dramatising.

She's looking after 2 dogs for TWO weeks! They probably need walking twice a day. That sounds hard to me! & she's had to buy a dog bed & post one back to the wedding hotel & will have to buy more dog food etc. You sound lovely @RootinandTootin 😒🙄🙄🙄

You or your DH picked up some kids enroute, you decided they shouldn't wear their clothes, you agreed to have the dogs. You could have said no to both and not gotten involved in what they chose to wear. That I think is you over involving yourself and crossing a line.

They are on honeymoon. Why should they be messaging you etc? Why agree to have the dogs if you didn't/couldn't/don't want to have them.

Ultimately the OP could have said no though or asked when the dogs were dropped off for a bed. All brought on themselves.

Sorry but Bro in law - ie your sister’s ex? Why are you bothering would be my question?

I would say that you are being unreasonable about a few things, but not about the overall picture.

Eg.
It is sensible to have picked the kids up along the way, but it’s shocking that they’ve been so left out of the wedding experience. If I was asking someone to pick up my kids on the way to a wedding I would have arranged it in advance and suggested things like arriving early to freshen up and join in with the wedding party make up etc.

Why would it be sister's ex? It's OP's DH's brother, the groom, that is the BIL.

@PublicLaundry - hi OP, I read your thread and shared your despair for the girls, just wondering how things have progressed?

Hello @TheOpenRoad it's interesting reading back what's written in anger!
Obviously time and distance knock the edges off emotions but I'm still quick to conjure the guilt and anger.

At Christmas we saw the photos printed out and there's so few of the groom's kids it's just wrong. My daughters and the bride's kids feature much more.

DH &I are amazed at how much they can distance themselves from their kids/step kids it is totally at odds with bil's upbringing and how his siblings parent.

The kids will be on the ' we took you to stately homes' thread in a couple of years and I don't blame them. They'll have a lot to work through.

My bil should never had have kids they get in the way of his motorbikes, diy and holidays.

They recently posted #datenight, truth is they do less than 24hours a week parenting. #parenting night would be worth a photo. I'm embarrassed to be related to them and hate the way we all pretended happy families at Christmas. I was all for having a good barney but DH convinced me it was not the family way. The grandparents are old and the family have never communicated properly, there's a lot of keeping up appearances.

It has been made very clear we will not be having the dogs again but I think my nieces know we are unconditionally always there for them.