Holiday Drama...What should I do?

[Whyisnothingever]

This is a long story but I will try and keep it short without drip feeding but I am looking for opinions and others experience.

We recently had a family holiday (10 people) , it was a long and expensive trip.
Part of the group had many trepidations prior to going due to Person A's behaviour.
Low and behold they managed to ruin the end of the holiday quite spectacularly.

We are planning the next family trip now (this was in the works prior to the 10 people holiday) that is a short city trip to mark a milestone birthday, not all of the original ten are going (this is not an issue).

Person A was invited but it is quite clear that there behaviour was inexcusable and many going on the trip would rather they were not going.

How would you explain to person A that it would best they not attend without causing offence?
It also doesn't help that Person A has a parent due to come also and whilst they are still welcome too it may be awkward for them to still come?
They are very much in denial about Person A's behaviour.

You can't.
Either you accept they'll throw their dummy out or you subject lots of people to yet another horrible time.

Hahaha. You’re hilarious. Calm down hyacinth

Can you not say that seeing as this trip is to celebrate C's birthday, it would be best if A doesn't come as it's obviously not their thing and you don't want them ruining it for C (and everyone else).

Well, whoever organised it should just not invite person A

you can’t invite them and expect them to know the invitation was not really meant

uninvite their annoying parent too

yoh come across as a bit intense with the “they invited a stranger to the villa which was a huge violations “(or words to that extent), if they met someone they liked, why not?

Just tell this adult A that they’re not coming and if they want a new family, crack on but best not ask anyone for a reference…

why are you placing this person’s happiness above literally everything else?

home truths and a hell no to ever inviting them again.

People only behave like this because they’re allowed to

A gets their own accomodation if you really want to do this get together........

Haha you are THAT person in the thread. Say something triggering, and act like an absolute condescending a hole when called out. You sound like A in this scenario ;-) I can imagine A also thinks she has a fabulous perfect family who can do no wrong, because she chooses to be blind to how much she negatively controls the entire scene!

I would pull out of this family holiday and suggest to your other family members that are unhappy to do same

Then arrange a small group holiday where A and those parents aren't invited

Voila

Those who are happy to go on holiday with A again are free to do so on the group vacation that was being arranged that you've withdrawn from

If asked by parent of A, why you are doing a different holiday without them and some other family members, you simply reply

"This is a separate holiday.
It won't work for us to holiday with A again, so we dropped out. And are going somewhere else with a few family that like the same holiday experience as us. You are perfectly free to holiday with family members you choose who want to join your holiday plans"

OP, You don't have to go on group holidays with anyone you don't want to (unless they're your own minor child!!) And you re allowed to make plans with others in smaller groups.

Just tell this adult A that they’re not coming and if they want a new family, crack on but best not ask anyone for a reference…

🤣😂

I would just say “Sorry A, this is planned as a celebration and I’m not prepared to risk a repeat of your behaviour, so you are not invited this time”

Will other invitees (except the parents) back you and show solidarity?

Otherwise cancel the current plan, tell them the hol is off, then make a new plan to which they are not invited. Be explicit to the parent / other attendees that this is the case.

I assume it is a sibling of yours.

I would think about pulling out and organising a separate holiday, but I can see that might not be feasible. I personally think you have to take the bull by the horns and tell them they're not welcome on this trip because of their behaviour before. You will be the baddie. Family are best placed to tell people unpalatable truths, it give them the chance to address it. They probably lose friends left, right and centre if they carry on like this.

@Peashoots i am considered quite humorous actually. Thank you for recognising the nuances of comedy I've displayed. You've surprised me, to be completely honest, i thought your brain cells had all pissed off on holiday with your perfect family. But I guess, as person A, you were uninvited sooo...here we are.

Loving the banter, we may become BFFs is you become any more fuzzy and likeable

Honesty is the best option. No can be a complete sentence.

You'd be sympathetic if it was a young child, a child or adult with special needs, but neither apply it seems.

NoToFamilyHolidays I can quite understand Person A wanting to do things separately from everyone else esp if they aren't that fond of museums! Not sure why this is a problem.

Am guessing it was Person A bringing a stranger back, too? I personally wouldn't like it but wouldn't fall out over it.

Meanwhile, I can't think of anything more horrific than spending precious holiday time with so many people (you can never please all of them!)

“Sorry person A, the rest of us have decided to do the big birthday bash for X without you as you behaved so badly on the last holiday and ruined it for us. Your mum is welcome but we’re guessing she won’t fancy it without you. Cheers.”

and relax.

Just be honest, provide examples of behaviour.

Enough said.

It will cause probs but are they your probs?

Sounds like Person A needs to then apologise and stop being a knob! Perhaps they can then go on 2nd trip...

🙌🏼

I suspect I'm Person A.

Extremely introvert, not really much for group events and never have been.

Whenever we've done large family breaks/holidays when people go off as a gang on outings/activities it's often assumed Trez will do her own thing/stay at the accommodation and catch up in the evening. I'm always invited to outings/events, and sometimes actually go!!

There is not a lot I can think of that's worse than enforced participation in outings/activities when I'm already exhausted by 'peopling' the previous day or evening. I could easily see me 'losing it' if I was being perpetually badgered to 'join in'.

People are different. I often find extroverts have a tremendous amount of resistance to introversion viewing it as shyness, lack of confidence etc. It's not. It's just we find all you extroverts exhausting, particularly en-masse! lol

Genuine question, would some of you not have an issue with a stranger being brought back to your accommodation whilst you were all out?

This probably wouldn’t bother me if I wasn’t there when the stranger was.

There’s some obvious property risk, which may be significant or minuscule depending on a lot of factors about person A’s judgement and lifestyle. So if they have form for picking up sketchy druggies and them leaving them unattended for hours at a time while they got high, I’d be a lot more annoyed than them meeting someone on an app, having a shag and kicking them straight out. (I’m assuming it was sex as seems most likely reason to bring a stranger back to your place while you are on holiday, but similar issue with other scenarios).

I’d be far more annoyed if they brought a stranger back while we were all there, tbh.

@Peashoots

do you always take things so literally? You’re coming across as quite odd

10 person family holiday unless very close? Shudder

I think you are all right and I need to make a decision as to whether it is worth the fall out and be the person that has to tell them either way.

why only you? Either you are the only person who has this view of Person A OR you are the only one with a backbone in your family

She has gone first!

To be fair - the op has given absolutely no detail whatsoever re her “horror story”

10 family members on a long and expensive trip??? utter madness. don't bother explaining anything to anyone, just stop going on such daft holidays. holidays are meant to be enjoyable.