Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he named his DD after me

137 replies

LetMeSpeak · 10/10/2022 21:12

So a few months ago I had got back contact with an ex from years back in my high school days. The man is even more of a bigger knob now than back then. He was bragging how “successful” he was, talking about his big finance job etc. Then he proceeded to call me his “first love” and told me that he would constantly check on my on social media for years and that he was “devastated” when he found out I was had gotten married. I then blocked his number and blocked him on the social media he added me on.

Now months later I get a request from him on Facebook and I accepted (like an idiot 🙄). I then see on a recent post he has a picture of his new baby daughter who has the same name as me! Spelt exact same way ( it’s a unique name in this country and way of spelling it is also unique). What in the Adam Levine is actually wrong with this man? Why would he do this and why would he not ask for my permission?

It’s not a coincidence as he told me his children were named after his friends. His daughters middle name is his sisters first name as well.

Im just in shock. His girlfriend is rather young as well poor thing. Aibu? or do I need to just calm down.

OP posts:
CloudSunLeavesCoud · 10/10/2022 21:52

So I would be a bit creeped out if one ex in particular did this. But only because he is generally a bit weird 😂 and he does like to send weird subtle messages like this. But your reaction is weird too. I’d probably just tell a few close friends, laugh about how weird it/he is, block him again and get on with my life. I’d be a bit flattered that he likes my name that much maybe too. That'd be the end of it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Musti · 10/10/2022 21:52

That is a bloody weird thing to do!! He doesn’t need your permission though and doesn’t affect you.

lborgia · 10/10/2022 21:53

Yes, he's being weird. He's tried to get back in touch with you so that you would know this.

He's obviously continued to be a knob, so block again, and let it gradually fade from your brain.

He's still trying to have an impact, and the only way to deal with it is to ignore.

I completely understand your concern, I'd feel very sorry for wife, and the daughter growing up with him for a father.

I've known 2 men like this, couldn't stand not having an impact on me, but also lots of other people.

The thing to remember is that it's actually got nothing to do with YOU. It's all about him. Everyone else is merely a mouse, to be toyed with.

J0y · 10/10/2022 21:53

I wish I knew what the name was!

I did have a strange experience to do with my name which left me feeling a bit Shock shocked. So I get it. It wasn't personal to me though it was coincidence, but......... a man I was friendly with at school lived with his partner in say Winchester. Not Winchester but I'm going to say Winchester for this story because like my name it's a place and a name. So he told me that he and his partner had decided on the name Winchester as their married name. As we were in the same year at school we had at least ten of the same people on our fb feeds who were seeing him and his new partner with their new name same as mine. I was mildly discom-fucking-bobulated. Over it now!

LetMeSpeak · 10/10/2022 21:53

I know I shouldn’t have added him on anything but I stupidly thought he had changed. It started out as a nice conversation but his mask eventually started the slip and I realised he hadn’t changed at all. Permission may have been a strong word to use. It would’ve been nice to have got a little heads up before hand.

OP posts:
CousinTime · 10/10/2022 21:53

I agreed with you until the ask permission bit.
He clearly did name her after you, he’s weird.
But ask permission I don’t get.

Begoniasforever · 10/10/2022 21:55

CousinTime · 10/10/2022 21:53

I agreed with you until the ask permission bit.
He clearly did name her after you, he’s weird.
But ask permission I don’t get.

No he didn’t, he just likes rhe name 🤣

Soakitup37 · 10/10/2022 21:55

He’s a “complete” knob that you’ve been in touch with friended on social media and have made a post up about on mumsnet.

doth protest too much!

J0y · 10/10/2022 21:55

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/10/2022 21:40

Mine did this. I guess it meant he didn't have to get rid of the tattoo 🤣

oh that's funny. Surprised the baby's mother agreed!

Bb16103 · 10/10/2022 21:56

If he remembers you affectionately enough to love your name I suppose it’s a nice compliment. If I had heard my first serious ex had done the same thing I suppose I would have the ick feeling, but only because he was really revoltingly bad behaved horrid guy. I wouldn’t be offended, but incredulous probably that he’d name his precious daughter the same as a woman who absolutely can’t stand him

To think he named his DD after me
sandytooth · 10/10/2022 21:57

LetMeSpeak · 10/10/2022 21:53

I know I shouldn’t have added him on anything but I stupidly thought he had changed. It started out as a nice conversation but his mask eventually started the slip and I realised he hadn’t changed at all. Permission may have been a strong word to use. It would’ve been nice to have got a little heads up before hand.

Why had you hoped he'd changed though? you've moved on. Yes it's odd, how odd I can't really say without knowing how "unqiue" the name actually is. But you need to step away from him on social media. Have you told your husband you're in touch with him?

sandytooth · 10/10/2022 21:59

sandytooth · 10/10/2022 21:57

Why had you hoped he'd changed though? you've moved on. Yes it's odd, how odd I can't really say without knowing how "unqiue" the name actually is. But you need to step away from him on social media. Have you told your husband you're in touch with him?

Husband/Wife even (apologies for the assumption)

Hearthnhome · 10/10/2022 22:01

LetMeSpeak · 10/10/2022 21:53

I know I shouldn’t have added him on anything but I stupidly thought he had changed. It started out as a nice conversation but his mask eventually started the slip and I realised he hadn’t changed at all. Permission may have been a strong word to use. It would’ve been nice to have got a little heads up before hand.

So he didn’t change in the years in between you knowing and adding him a few months ago.

And then thought he would have changed between a few months ago AND now?

really?

LetMeSpeak · 10/10/2022 22:02

sandytooth · 10/10/2022 21:57

Why had you hoped he'd changed though? you've moved on. Yes it's odd, how odd I can't really say without knowing how "unqiue" the name actually is. But you need to step away from him on social media. Have you told your husband you're in touch with him?

Yes my DH knows and was saying same thing as pp have said that “ maybe he just liked the name”. He doesn’t understand my frustration which is why I’m venting on here.

OP posts:
sandytooth · 10/10/2022 22:02

Are you over him? its ok to not be, might be worth seeing a counsellor though.

Johnnysgirl · 10/10/2022 22:02

LetMeSpeak · 10/10/2022 21:31

He doesn’t “suggest” names to his gf . She most likely forced to agree with it. she doesn’t have any say in the names. He’s a complete knob. Hes manipulative and I feel sorry for her.

How on earth do you know this? And why do you keep getting back in touch with him??

LuckyLil · 10/10/2022 22:03

Oddly my mums favourite cousin who was younger than her named his children after myself and my sister. He always said it was just a coincidence. Like he didn't know what his favourite cousins children were called lol 🤣

We just considered it an odd curiosity but never really thought much about it.

worriedatthistime · 10/10/2022 22:03

You can feel weird about it nut he never had to discuss it with you let alone ask your permission as you don't own the name and their will be others with it around the world

sandytooth · 10/10/2022 22:03

LetMeSpeak · 10/10/2022 22:02

Yes my DH knows and was saying same thing as pp have said that “ maybe he just liked the name”. He doesn’t understand my frustration which is why I’m venting on here.

I don't understand why you are frustrated and not just like "ok bit weird.." and then move on with your life.

KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange · 10/10/2022 22:03

My ex called his son the same name I'd named mine the year before then called his daughter my dogs name 🤣 were actually still FB friends now. I did think wtf at the beginning.

pinkpotatoez · 10/10/2022 22:04

Don't know why people are on your case. It's an odd thing to do and very obvious. That's why he has added you after the babies arrival

Darraq · 10/10/2022 22:05

Reblock him and move on, he couldn't give you a heads up because he was blocked anyway?
Yes it's weird he named her after you, but just block him it (and keep him blocked) and move on, more fool him for naming her after someone who doesn't like him, but it doesn't effect you unless you're going to be hanging out with them all.

RedHelenB · 10/10/2022 22:06

How do you know the name wasn't chosen by the mother?

sjxoxo · 10/10/2022 22:06

Maybe his wife really liked that name and he didn’t want to say ‘no that’s my ex’ so he kept quiet! I think it’s odd but you’re probably definitely reading too much into it..he sounds like a dick. Better to stay the one that got away ip rather than the one he took advantage of and then went back to his family! x

Yesnoormaybe · 10/10/2022 22:07

Yep op he should have asked if he could use your name. Cannot think what was going through his mind not asking for written permission. I do hope you grant him a public parden such a cheeky thing to do. Now block him, dance in the moonlight and try if at all possible to move on. As traumatised as you are i kinda think one day you might just get over it