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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if school mum cliques upset you, or how do you deal with cliques?

258 replies

facefit · 10/10/2022 19:35

I'm new to school, my child is in reception. I've noticed that there are cliques forming.

How do you deal with it? Or just completely ignore?

OP posts:
Angelinflipflops · 10/10/2022 19:38

Just chat to them

luxxlisbon · 10/10/2022 19:38

It doesn’t bother me, they are just friendship groups.
Everyone is not going to be friends an equal amount. Closer groups of friends are normal in all circumstances.

Lbnc2021 · 10/10/2022 19:39

I take my children to school, wave them off, go home/to work. I couldn’t tell you who’s friends with who etc and my eldest is 25 and my youngest is 10. I have never understood the anxiety around dropping your kids off at school.

InDubiousBattle · 10/10/2022 19:40

I've never had to do either tbh. My dc go to a big primary so loads of parents, grandparents, childminders etc doing drop offs and pick ups, some chat in groups, some look at their phones, many have a younger sibling they to watch, some rush in and out to get to work...

MadMadMadamMim · 10/10/2022 19:41

I'll be honest, they all went entirely over my head, if they existed.

I was there to drop my kids at school, and I am busy. I didn't notice cliques and couldn't give a shit about them.

MbatataOwl · 10/10/2022 19:42

Are they actually Cliques or just friendship/ friendly acquaintances groups?

BrilliantGreenFlamingo · 10/10/2022 19:42

Hasn’t been an issue. Some people are more friends with others. I chat to everyone. Just don’t make it an issue in your head. Go and say hi.

SunflowerSmith · 10/10/2022 19:42

What is there to deal with?
It really annoys me that if a group of school Mums become friends then it's called a clique.

I'm friends with 3 other Mums who I have met on the school run and they've really helped me through tough times, yeah we stand and chat to each other while we wait for our kids same as I would stand and chat with any other friends if we were in the same place.

It's the parents who make assumptions and judgements that I'd be more wary of.

scorpiogirly · 10/10/2022 19:45

I know one set of parents as their son went to the same nursery as my daughter. I do notice other mums chatting but I really don't care. I'm there to drop her off and pick her up. I would ignore it.

A580Hojas · 10/10/2022 19:46

Yanbu to ask but it's not really an AIBU question.

LovingLifesHurdles · 10/10/2022 19:48

Depends what outcome you want I guess. If you want to make friends too I would say hi and see where it goes. Make effort to get to know the mums you think you might have most in common with.

If it's bothering you that people are making friends, but you don't want to make friends, then best to ignore it and carry on with your day.

Some mums like to make friends with those at the school gate, others are not as keen, both is ok I think.

NotOnTheSofa · 10/10/2022 19:50

I don't see it as something that I need to deal with. It's a non issue for me. Do you feel left out / want to make friends? In that case maybe just say hi?

3WildOnes · 10/10/2022 19:52

I chatted to and made friends with some of the schools mums. If you don't want to chat then that is OK too.

Frankola · 10/10/2022 19:53

Erm, just get on with it?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/10/2022 19:54

See I hate the idea of cliques because actually it’s just mums who can do small talk. Me and the same parents chat daily Because we make an effort. Chat and act confident is my advice- very few people are actually catty and dismissive

Oysterbabe · 10/10/2022 19:54

What makes them a clique and not just friends? Have you tried to join in and they've been unwelcoming?

Milesty1 · 10/10/2022 19:55

I’ve made friends on the school run (some go to the same childminder as my son) and yes we stand and chat because the people are familiar. We’d never exclude someone else coming to join. Just go and chat to people if you want to make friends. Or suggest starting a WhatsApp group.

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 10/10/2022 19:55

I am polite and friendly and warm to every single person who crosses my path.

My Dcs have been at the same school for 8 years and I have not made a single mum friend. I have no idea why. It might be that my older DS has a range of disabilities and struggles massively with social interaction and so we as a family are kept at arms length. But I ignore the cliques (which at times have been so bad with bitchiness and backstabbing that literally the mums have been called into the HT's office to be told to behave. I am not even joking. )

I am polite. I smile. i enquire about how children are going along. I congratulate their achievements.

I then go home and forget about them.

SlashBeef · 10/10/2022 19:55

Cliques or just...friends?
I stand and wait for my kids with the same 3 or 4 mums every day. We socialise outside of the playground too but I really love our daily chats on the school run. I certainly don't see us as a clique and we chat to other parents too.
There's loads of "groups" of parents on the playground. Some are neighbours so walk up to school together and stand chatting. Some were already friends before their kids started the school.
I think this might be a you problem.

Begoniasforever · 10/10/2022 19:55

Why would you be upset with friendship groups or ignore them? People are allowed to be friends . Is it just at school you feel this way or do you react the same if you go into a pub or restaurant and see a group of friends?

I smile if I catch some ones eye and get about my business. If I’m waiting I go over and say hi if I know they parent kids in mines class. What’s the big deal?

LeafHunter · 10/10/2022 19:56

I’ve always just chatted to people and they’ve chatted back. I’ve never encountered cliques, just people being friendly to each other. Some people I get on with and others we get on because of our children IYSWIM. I don’t tend to think much of it.

yerdaindicatesonbends · 10/10/2022 19:57

I had an incident where I would talk to several mums regularly, we were then away for a few weeks and once back for some reason they would not talk to me. As much as I wish it didn’t it really upset me at first, but then I honestly thought who would want to be friends with adults who behave like that.

anyway, now I really don’t go out of my way to talk to anyone and I’m perfectly ok with that. I hate small talk anyway lol.

BeautifulWar · 10/10/2022 19:59

I don't see cliques, I see groups of friends. Of I see one of my friends I'll talk to them, if I don't I just attend in the queue and wait to drop off/collect my child, same as I would in any other queue anywhere else!

MakeMineALarge1 · 10/10/2022 20:03

I'm sorry you're being bloody ridiculous
Cliques.
Really?
Or just a few mum's having a chat before going about their daily routine.
What exactly is the issue, you take your child to school, drop them off, wave to, smile at other mums, go home.

BagpussBagpussOldFatFurryCatpuss · 10/10/2022 20:04

I just chatted to whoever I stood next to.
I know that some of the SAHMs were in and out of each other’s houses from 9am-3pm and had nights out together but I wasn’t put out.
I was working full time at the time and had my own (long term) friends and colleagues to meet up with socially every now and then. Look for friendships outside of the school gates.