To think SD is taking the piss

[ponamo8127]

SD is almost 18, lives with us full time and has been in a relationship with a boy, 18, for a few months. Me and DH let him stay over a few times if they had plans the next day which involved them getting up early, but have made them sleep in a seperate room. This didn't work and he’d gone into SDs room in the night so we stopped him staying altogether.

Recently, she's been getting back late and bringing the bf back with her, she did this last night she did this and we told her he couldn't stay but she made the excuse it was late. He's still here now and they've been in bed all day as SD isn't at college and he's unemployed.

So not to dripfeed, we don't like the bf as he's unemployed, smokes weed often (can usually smell it on him) and seems to be lazy, but we haven't said anything to SD as he lives alone so she could quite possibly go and live with him which we don't want.

AIBU?

YANBU. If she can’t be trustee, then take her key from her. She’s disrespectul.

My daughter has just got her first boyf, shes just 19. She met his Mum and stayed over the same night and has stayed there 3 nights since. I am not ok with this and will be speaking to her about the time frame. I think it is irresponsible of his Mother to be condoning rushing into sleeping with each other, I maybe old fashioned but there is absolutely no way he will ever be staying! I feel your frustration!

I'm a bit torn with this one. If my DD was dating a weed smoker with no job prospects I'd rather they were under my roof than his. If you tell her he's not welcome to stay, is there any likelihood that she'll move in with him instead?

That seems a bit OTT no? She's an adult so it's none of your business if she wants to stay somewhere else. And her sex life definitely isn't any of your business!

I've never understood the need to separate two 18 YOs from sleeping in the same bed under your roof.

Does she smoke weed?

Me neither, its quite weird tbh, if they want to have sex, they will regardless of where they are.

They'll have a lot less sex if they don't have carte blanche to shag at their parents houses. Why make it easier for them?

You say he will never stay? Never? That is a sure fire way of pushing your adult dd away. She's 19. A series of random hook ups is one thing. A long term bf is different

They are adults lol, what do you mean why make it easy for them? Why make it difficult for them and push them away to want to move out?

@ohdelay why make it harder? Sex isn't a taboo or dirty. Sax sex should be encouraged but there's no reason to stop two adults having it just because it's your child.

I understand that I am probably over reacting and maybe I will change my mind, she's a very young 19 and has had various issues behaviour wise, I'm just very worried.

What's wrong with 18 YOs having sex? What are you on about?

I think at 18 you either accept the partner staying in her room or you accept she will leave and move out. Your option won't work long term as it will simply drive her away. 18 is very much an adult - you have to trust your SD to make her own choices and her own mistakes.

I dunno, just think it's weird that you provide a knocking spot for a dependent. They get unfettered access to a sex space when they can afford it and the consequences.

This is an extremely perverse way of looking at it. Consenting sex isn't something you 'get away with'.

He sounds grim. Don’t let him stay.

If it was a boyfriend that you liked and got on with I would say you are unreasonable to keep them separate when over the age of consent.
However, you are completely entitled to refuse entry to your home to anyone you don't like. I would not want the smell of weed in my home so he wouldn't be through the front door!

You have a very strange outlook.

knocking spot?
sex space?

How about just their bedroom?

What are you on about?

You’re being incredibly short sighted with this. She won’t suddenly see your point of view because you’re making her boyfriend completely unwelcome in your home, it’ll go the other way. She’ll hang on to him even tighter and she’ll go where he is.. which, thanks to your somewhat old fashioned rules, won’t be in your home.

Presumably she doesn’t want her daughter to accidentally get pregnant by this waster.
Not hard to figure out.

It wasn't that uncommon when I was growing up, but then we all moved out when we started relationships.

I'm saying 'unfettered access' to place where you can have consentual sex isn't a bad thing and only puritans would think otherwise.

Because they're adults, they're in a relationship and shagging is perfectly normal.

Far better they have sex at home rather than behind the bins at the back of a nightclub or somewhere.