To think SD is taking the piss

[ponamo8127]

SD is almost 18, lives with us full time and has been in a relationship with a boy, 18, for a few months. Me and DH let him stay over a few times if they had plans the next day which involved them getting up early, but have made them sleep in a seperate room. This didn't work and he’d gone into SDs room in the night so we stopped him staying altogether.

Recently, she's been getting back late and bringing the bf back with her, she did this last night she did this and we told her he couldn't stay but she made the excuse it was late. He's still here now and they've been in bed all day as SD isn't at college and he's unemployed.

So not to dripfeed, we don't like the bf as he's unemployed, smokes weed often (can usually smell it on him) and seems to be lazy, but we haven't said anything to SD as he lives alone so she could quite possibly go and live with him which we don't want.

AIBU?

YANBU

If she can’t be respectful of you, your home and your rules, take her key off her.

Adults should work very hard to provide a space for themselves so they can enjoy the adult activity of consensual sex. Parents providing it are not helping with the growing up process.

You could say that about anything - food, heating, a shower, toilet. But you focus on sex because you think sex is dirty.

They will have sex regardless. Why don't they both stay at his?

I don’t think I have a sex space, unfettered or otherwise.

Now I’m worried I’ve been doing sex wrong all these years.

This will blow your mind so you better sit down.

I allow my son and his girlfrind both 16 to share a bed UNDER MY ROOF! They also share a bed UNDER HER PARENTS ROOF

😂😂😂

It doesn't, you do you 😂

The issue here is not her having sex but rather you do not like or trust who she is having sex with. Ds has had girlfriends and they stayed over and I had no issue with it when he was 18 because I liked them, they loved him and they were both respectful when in our home. This is what you need to talk to her about, respect and boundaries when they are at home. You cannot stop then seeing each other or having sex, at least she is safe within her home.

I dont need to 'do me' dont be so rude! I actually have a man to 'do me' in our unfettered sex space

I don’t know how to reply without quoting so apologies for that but sorry what ? Your daughter is 19 and you don’t want her to stay out ?? I get if you didn’t want her with A man in your house but you really can’t have a say where she spends her time at 19 ? That’s just wierd and if I’m honest a bit controlling .

Oh please. Yes and if she gets pregnant the first place she will run to is her parents house. She isn't a big grown woman, she's still a teenager who has plenty of time to learn how to be an adult.

I always let my teen DC have partners to stay, I felt it kept them safe. Sometimes I did not like the partner, but there is an old saying about keeping your enemies close.

Far less likely to get pregnant if you can plan sex, the timing and your contraception rather than sneaking it in wherever and whenever.

Say he can stay over say 3x a week ad long as she is going to college and he goes home each day

Oh please. Yes and if she gets pregnant the first place she will run to is her parents house. She isn't a big grown woman, she's still a teenager who has plenty of time to learn how to be an adult

She IS an adult woman though! It's a bit weird parenting your adult child's sex life. Stopping them having sex under your roof is your choice but don't be so naive to think they aren't going to do it elsewhere

Recently, she's been getting back late and bringing the bf back with her, she did this last night she did this and we told her he couldn't stay but she made the excuse it was late.

So why didn't she send him back in a taxi?

Your house, your rules OP. She's busting your boundaries right left and centre. Stop being a pushover and enforce your rules.

He's still here now and they've been in bed all day as SD isn't at college and he's unemployed.

And you're allowing this workshy pothead to doss at your house?!

Gee whizz OP, just get a backbone and stop this disrespect.

She's 19 fgs. That's so weird of you.

Blimey. She's 18, not 13. What a weird way to treat adult children!

I'd quite like an unfettered sex space though. With three teenagers cluttering up the place I'd love one of those! How do I get one?

I'm a bit weirded out how some people are so invested in their off-spring's sex lives!! They are adults. Why can't they have sex in their own homes? Its very odd.
OP, talk to your daughter about safe sex (though I'm sure as an adult, you've had this conversation already). The issue isn't the sex, it's the unsavoury boyfriend you don't like.

My kids weren't allowed sleepovers with the opposite sex in my home at 18/19 either

The OP is allowed to say who they do/don’t want to stay in the house and where.

It isn't about sex, it's because we don't like him. SD had smoked weed with him a few times. When he's been sleeping round recently hes told SD she can't stay with him that night as his brother would also be there.

OP I think you’re going to push her further away if you stop letting him sleep round

Think about this - if you let bf sleep over under your roof you’ll be more involved with daughter and know more of what’s going on

I’d be saying different if she was say 15/16

I think at 18 you should be able to have a chat with her tonight about your concerns. I think you should be able to tell her you’re worried about his prospects in life and maybe compromise that he can stay over one night per week / fortnight. Tell her she can always come to you if she needs anything etc

I find that most parents who stop their 18 year olds doing things like this actually know less about what their child is doing, as they sneak around more.