To think SD is taking the piss

[ponamo8127]

SD is almost 18, lives with us full time and has been in a relationship with a boy, 18, for a few months. Me and DH let him stay over a few times if they had plans the next day which involved them getting up early, but have made them sleep in a seperate room. This didn't work and he’d gone into SDs room in the night so we stopped him staying altogether.

Recently, she's been getting back late and bringing the bf back with her, she did this last night she did this and we told her he couldn't stay but she made the excuse it was late. He's still here now and they've been in bed all day as SD isn't at college and he's unemployed.

So not to dripfeed, we don't like the bf as he's unemployed, smokes weed often (can usually smell it on him) and seems to be lazy, but we haven't said anything to SD as he lives alone so she could quite possibly go and live with him which we don't want.

AIBU?

He probably lives with his parent/s. OP says 'When he's been sleeping round recently hes told SD she can't stay with him that night as his brother would also be there'.

So OP. what exactly do you know about this moocher who's under your roof trying to impregnate your daughter?

I'd be concerned as to how he's funding his weed habit and wonder if he's nicking stuff off you so he can get stoned.

Some pretty lax standards here IMO🙄

I'd be concerned as to how he's funding his weed habit and wonder if he's nicking stuff off you so he can get stoned

Thats a bit of a leap

@ZeroFuchsGiven Thats a bit of a leap

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

It seems OP doesn't actually know much about this waster who's dossing under her roof.
That's why I raised the issue.

Okay then you need to be honest with your daughter and stop this passive aggressive bs because it will do far more harm to your relationship than good. She is looking at you as controlling atm and that will only drive her further into the arms pf someone you don’t like.

also its 2022, weed is acceptable. Stop being such a hardass.

This is such an overreaction lmao if you were my parent and said half of this to me you’d be blocked. Y’all trying to nuke her relationship with her daughter

Also I don't consider "adults" living in the family home as dependants as fully formed people who get to have sex in my house

But they are adults. Why shouldn't they be able to have sex in their own home? I get that there should be some boundaries in place (I'd certainly wouldn't allow drugs to be brought in to the home), but two consenting adults having sex? That would be ok with me, as long as my adult teen was ok with it, and wasn't being put under any pressure from their boyfriend/girlfriend. I fail to see where the 'dependant' part of this come in to it. Many children remain as 'dependant' for a long time, living at home well into their twenties and beyond these days. Should they not be able to have a sex life, other than in parks and the back seat of a car?

I agree with this. They are adults and should be in their own space.
There seems to be a lot of Mum and Dad being expected to lodge and feed their child's sexual partner.
An extra adult in your house without your say so.
I would be very uncomfortable.