To think SD is taking the piss

[ponamo8127]

SD is almost 18, lives with us full time and has been in a relationship with a boy, 18, for a few months. Me and DH let him stay over a few times if they had plans the next day which involved them getting up early, but have made them sleep in a seperate room. This didn't work and he’d gone into SDs room in the night so we stopped him staying altogether.

Recently, she's been getting back late and bringing the bf back with her, she did this last night she did this and we told her he couldn't stay but she made the excuse it was late. He's still here now and they've been in bed all day as SD isn't at college and he's unemployed.

So not to dripfeed, we don't like the bf as he's unemployed, smokes weed often (can usually smell it on him) and seems to be lazy, but we haven't said anything to SD as he lives alone so she could quite possibly go and live with him which we don't want.

AIBU?

As I've said it isn't about sex, although we have spoken to her and she's refused to go on the pill or any other form of contraception.

Just see your update @ponamo8127 , I'd add into the adult chat that if she gets pregnant it will change her life in many ways and not all for the better. I'd put money on her expecting them both to move in with you if she does get pregnant.

She's old enough to have sex with her boyfriend.

intergenerational sex commune

Jesus Christ! You've made the weirdest comments on this thread about sex!

Just as another viewpoint. My parents let me and my sleep with my boyfriend when I came home from university with him (both 18). We didn't touch each other - the thought of having sex while my parents were the other side of paper thin walls was appalling! Sharing a room is often about more than just sex believe it or not!

She is 18 and is allowed to have sex. I think it's odd that you feel the need to police this. Why not try and have a reasonable compromise? Not wanting him there all the time is fair enough. Tell her he can stay over a couple of nights a week but that he shouldn't be living at yours or staying all day.

LOL they're 18 not 13

I'd it's not about sex why were they to sleep in separate bedrooms?

She's 19 and a young adult. Maybe you should give her the respect that she deserves.

You aren’t going to stop her having sex, and you aren’t going to convince her he’s an arse. All you’ll do is push her away and make her less likely to see what a waste of space he is. Either you can make yourselves the bad guys or leave her to realise he is. You can’t do both.
As for sharing a bed, if 18 isn’t old enough then when is?

’intergenerational sex commune’ 🤣🤣🤣
Tell me you don’t get out much without telling me you don’t get out much.

I'd tell her that if she wants to have sex she can do it at his house, and if she doesn't like your rules she can move out.

If she's 18 she's an adult and you don't have to support her idle lifestyle.

And I 'll bet you a £ to a piece of dog muck that within a week at living at his filthy squat she'll be begging to come back home.

I wouldn't be happy with two unemployed teens dossing around in bed come 2:00pm

They need to be in employment or education, not just tossing it off. Before you know it she'll be pregnant and he'll be moving in too

@AMDB5 I wouldn't be happy with two unemployed teens dossing around in bed come 2:00pm
They need to be in employment or education, not just tossing it off. Before you know it she'll be pregnant and he'll be moving in too

I could not agree more.

He's just a younger version of these cocklodgers we hear about and the DD is enabling him.
Not acceptable.

When I was living at home while in university, my boyfriend had to sleep in a separate room. We'd have a cuddle/chat, and then back to our own rooms.
I think I preferred having the boundary.

It was also completely the norm in 90s Ireland, and all my friends' parents had the same rules.

My children are very young, so I've no idea yet how I'll approach it when they are late teens.

This.

It certainly wouldn't happen here.

If she wants to move out, so be it.

But my house wouldn't be used by a tosser to doss about.

I'm not sure how much of this thread is real tbh or just peak mumsnet coolness where seventeen year olds can have sex and smoke weed in their childhood bedrooms and everything is fine. Parents should welcome their daughter's total dosser boyfriend with open arms, so she doesn't leave?
If/when she does get pregnant, the coolbots will switch to their other stock phrase of "Enjoy your baby" (weirdly never enjoy your violent emotionally disturbed teen, because babies are cute right?) and rinse and repeat.

The bit I'm most concerned about is that you've spoken to your 17 year old DD about contraception and she's "refused" to use any at all? Really?
I can understand why she wouldn't want to take the pill, but does this mean they're not using condoms either? Did you ever talk to her about safer sex, STIs etc when she was younger?! Did she miss a lot of school? Is there a reason why she's not attending any form of education now? That seems as important as her relationship choices.

You sound brilliant! Agree with all of this.

My parents weird attitudes about boyfriends and sex only did me harm.

Haha! Yes of course it's only possible to get pregnant under the parents' roof 🙄.

Parents who are open with their children about sex and discuss contraception are far less likely to have adult children with unwanted pregnancies.

She’s nearly 18 not 14 why are you so bothered about her and her boyfriend.

Wow massive drip feed about no contraception!

This is an emergency situation.

Are they actually ttc?

What do DSD's father and mother think?

Does DSD want to be a Mum? Does she have no other options?

Is she using cannabis too? Does she realise the impact on a fetus??

You are correct, I definitely dont give a fuck what you think.

These 16 year olds have been boyfriend and girlfriend and inseperable since the first week of year 7, they are now in year 12 doing A levels.

When they came to us as parents after they were 16 and discussed sex I certainly was not going to chuck him some condoms and say there you go but not under my roof , fuck off down the park was I? What kind of Parent would that make me? Same with her parents who sensibly allowed her to go on the pill.

Complete opposite of my mother, who when I was in care would not allow me to go on the pill as I was only 14. I really enjoyed my teenage years pregnant at 15 and living on the streets.

I couldnt agree more!

Surely sensible discussion about risks, and safe sex and consent etc and that's the end of your involvement in your child's sex life. The more conservative an environment they grow up in the more likely they are to get an Std, have an unwanted pregnancy and need an abortion, wouldn't you rather spare them that? Sex that is planned for is more than likely going to be safe and consensual, less chance of being pressured into anything at home in your bed with your parents in the next room than an alleyway or park bench

Hold on, if he is a weed smoking, unemployed wasteman, how is he able to have his own place?