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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand this comment..

139 replies

Oncloud · 10/10/2022 13:18

We have a very wealthy friend who has retired at 50 and will never need to work again.
We are very lucky in that whilst we are older than that, we both manage by working part time , live frugally with a modest house.
By the nature of being working people we sometimes discuss our jobs... and that they are ok , not ok etc.. part of life.
She often says , in this context.. oh but i dont have to work, and claps her hands.
She often says also its wonderful to be retired. In a shop last week she said, hows the job , to a woman we know, followed by, oh i never have to work again.its great. Big smile.
My dh finds this either
A. A bit insensitive
B. A bit lacking in emotional intelligence.
C.( if he is feeling a little grumpy)
.. gloating. But hopes it is not the latter .

This person has had a full on supporting job role in the past. It is not like its been life in a bubble
. It does grate a bit at times and you see the look on peoples faces ,but she doesnt seem notice or to get that
It is a little insensitive especially in the current climate.
I find that its a bit annoying but i am seeking to understand that it could be just her ( she has an actively cultivated attitude of positivity towards life) .. am trying to find out if anyone has a different perspective of what this could be?? The responses i mean.. as i want not to go down the iabu route and be a grumpy and judgy human./ making assumptions .

Hence the request for others views.!

OP posts:
Original poster
Oncloud · 10/10/2022 13:20

Ie could it be option d.
Just sheer happiness.

OP posts:
ICanHideButICantRun · 10/10/2022 13:21

"Do you ever stop to consider how others are feeling?"

"For fuck's sake, woman, shut up!"

Choose one of those options Grin

BiscuitLover3678 · 10/10/2022 13:21

It depends on how well you know her as to what you think.

From my (limited) knowledge of her it sounds like emotionally stupidity and just being so happy.

LeningradSymphony · 10/10/2022 13:21

She just sounds a bit socially dim and still in the honeymoon period of being retired. I wouldn't worry about it. If someone said that to me I wouldn't think twice or think badly of them. I'd just think oh cool, good for you I guess?

Butchyrestingface · 10/10/2022 13:22

I'm going with:

E. She's a pain in the arse.

BiscuitLover3678 · 10/10/2022 13:22

I wonder if she wants someone to say “well done you!” Or something. Hopefully she’ll calm down in time.

Cw112 · 10/10/2022 13:24

She's clearly just excited about her retirement and wants to shout it from the rooftops and from what you've said she's a glass half full type of person so I'd take that as just part of her being her. She'll calm down eventually!

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/10/2022 13:24

Insensitive on her part.

Equivalent to someone in a couple saying to their single friend, “So happy I’m not alone and lonely any more! Whoop!”

Original poster
Oncloud · 10/10/2022 13:26

She can be a wonderfully generous and supportive person.
I dont think i could tell her to shut up. I have said when she has said this is the life isnt it great to be retired.. im not.
Its been a year now.

OP posts:
Odile13 · 10/10/2022 13:27

Well, it sounds both insensitive and lacking in emotional intelligence to be honest. It would make me cringe if I heard her saying it to somebody else. We all have things we’re proud of or pleased with, but you should know when is the right time to mention them and when to keep quiet.

TheEponymousGrub · 10/10/2022 13:27

I'd reply, laughingly, "All, right, stop rubbing it in!"
And each time she said it, my laugh would get a leeetle bit smaller.

Original poster
Oncloud · 10/10/2022 13:28

Thanks for the perspectives. I can feel myself getting a grump and i dont want to be that.
I wonder if i could find a way to say, its great for you ,but maybe dont say it to people who must work.
I imagine she would expect them to be glad for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oncloud · 10/10/2022 13:30

Odile13 yes thats what i felt in the shop. I cringed .
Especially as the woman there looked agast.

OP posts:
BronwenFrideswide · 10/10/2022 13:31

It's crass and insensitive, why should someone working care or want to congratulate her?

Sooner or later someone is going to snap back with a rude comment if you don't want that to happen to your friend you need to tell her to stop doing this, whatever her intentions are it will come across as holier than thou bragging.

chocolatemademefat · 10/10/2022 13:33

She sounds socially inadequate at best.

Original poster
Oncloud · 10/10/2022 13:33

She also says that the house is so big ( true) they have to ring each other. And laughts.
I am starting to wonder again if it insensitivity.

OP posts:
BronwenFrideswide · 10/10/2022 13:34

Its been a year now

A year?!?! Right then she is being insufferably braggy and gloating, not a good trait.

Original poster
Oncloud · 10/10/2022 13:35

Thanks all. I have never come across this
trait before.
The thing is if you needed anything she would help you like a shot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oncloud · 10/10/2022 13:38

In addition to the suggestion of " oh stop rubbing it in " ( good one) any other ways of handling it , without risking the friendship.?
I am still thinking / hope she is oblivious.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 10/10/2022 13:41

I'd say to her " Don't do that crap around me. You're an embarrassment. "

crabbyoldbat · 10/10/2022 13:43

I'd go for something like 'I know it's great for you that you're retired and have a huge house, and I'm happy for you, BUT your comments are starting to sound like gloating, particularly when people haven't got what you have and need to work. I know you're a kind person* and you don't mean to sound like that, so perhaps think on before you say something.'

  • say this whether they are or not
ThisShipIsSinking · 10/10/2022 13:43

She sounds as irritating as hell, you deserve a medal for patience. Boasting is not an attractive quality.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 10/10/2022 13:44

How about 'yes, we know, you've been telling us for a year how wonderful your life is. Good for you. Ever stopped to think how it sounds when you can't stop gloating?'

crabbyoldbat · 10/10/2022 13:45

I mean, I'd just say 'pack it in', but if you want to preserve the friendship, you need to be mealy-mouthed

slowquickstep · 10/10/2022 13:46

Tell him how he lives his life is up to him but you gave birth to a baby boy and raised him as that so in your heart and mind that is what he will always be. Explain you love him very much but you won't lie and that your feelings are just as valid as his, If he can't accept that then he needs to do whatever he needs to do.