To not understand this comment..

[Oncloud]

We have a very wealthy friend who has retired at 50 and will never need to work again.
We are very lucky in that whilst we are older than that, we both manage by working part time , live frugally with a modest house.
By the nature of being working people we sometimes discuss our jobs... and that they are ok , not ok etc.. part of life.
She often says , in this context.. oh but i dont have to work, and claps her hands.
She often says also its wonderful to be retired. In a shop last week she said, hows the job , to a woman we know, followed by, oh i never have to work again.its great. Big smile.
My dh finds this either
A. A bit insensitive
B. A bit lacking in emotional intelligence.
C.( if he is feeling a little grumpy)
.. gloating. But hopes it is not the latter .

This person has had a full on supporting job role in the past. It is not like its been life in a bubble
. It does grate a bit at times and you see the look on peoples faces ,but she doesnt seem notice or to get that
It is a little insensitive especially in the current climate.
I find that its a bit annoying but i am seeking to understand that it could be just her ( she has an actively cultivated attitude of positivity towards life) .. am trying to find out if anyone has a different perspective of what this could be?? The responses i mean.. as i want not to go down the iabu route and be a grumpy and judgy human./ making assumptions .

Hence the request for others views.!

I don't think it matters. I'd just ignore it. She's probably just very happy about it and maybe she just wants to share that happiness. Or maybe she feels insecure about it and therefore keeps mentioning it. Either way I don't think it says anything massively negative about her. Of all the things that people do this is surely super minor.

A lot of people need reassurance that the things they have achieved are enviable, in order to fully enjoy them. I can see this might be especially true if you retire at 50 and all your friends are still busy working. I would probably humour her in the short term ("Lucky you!" "Wish I could say the same") even though I think retiring so early is a mistake unless you have specific goals. She will probably calm down as time goes on.

I would wait until she says it to someone else again and then have a quiet word. That should make it less personal. You can be perfectly nice, just say it's great for her but it might make others feel bad about themselves, and you could add you feel a bit hurt when it's said to you as you'd love to be in that position but you're not. She sounds really socially stupid though. We all have ways in which we are lucky, surely most people play theirs down when in the company of people who are less fortunate.

I would honestly tell her it’s coming across as gloating now and she needs to consider how it comes across more. She seems to lack the EQ to get this without it being pointed out. There are a couple of mothers like this at DDs school (“oh of course with DH being in property, I don’t have to work… oh I’m SO sorry I forgot you have to work!”) but I tend to avoid them. More difficult when it’s an actual friend.

Sounds boastful to me

I wouldn’t say to someone who was driving around in a beaten up old car oh it’s wonderful to drive my 6 month old Mercedes’ (I have a middle aged little car)

how you tell her that o don’t know as she is insensitive and you will probably be accused of being jealous

"Gail, nobody likes a show-off. Dial it back, there's a love."

(I don't think I could, but I'd be thinking it)

Can you laughingly say great but read the room next time she does it to someone else? She does sound at best very insensitive.

I mean, arguably you telling us you only need to work part time and have a modest house could be seen as gloating to those who have to work 2 jobs and barely scrape by. She probably doesn’t realise she’s doing it beyond being thrilled by her position.

all you can do is to say, yes we know! Lucky you.

You can either wait until someone else bites back at her comment or her friends start distancing themselves from her or you can tell her how she is coming across to others, your choice but if she is a good friend of yours why can't you mention it? Surely you'd want your friends to mention it to you if it was the other way round?

I’d say to her ‘I do think 50 is really rather too early in life to have gone to seed but each to their own’

BronwenFrideswide yes exactly .. feel should maybe mention it . I just wanted to try to work out the possible motivation or reason for it, as that would guide my approach if you see what I mean..
For eg . If it was joy rather than social ineptness or even gloating.. i would approach things accordingly.

Smile and say how lucky she is, let her bask in the smug glow for a few seconds.

Then suggest she fill her time with volunteer work.

She won't mention it again.

...do not want to come across a jealous.. and is judged as that by her , therefore disguarded.
Thinking about this, i am wondeting if its simple not realising . It wd be awful otherwise.

She sounds like an utter nob

Sparklfairy i did ask what she does with her time.
She does lots of art things .she says she does not know how she had time to work. Enjoys not having a clue what day it is as does not need to know.

Spot on! But you'd never say it would you, because it's very obviously arshole-y. Doesn't stop her, though. I'd drop seeing her, personally, or if you really care about her, be honest with her that she's hurting people's feelings.

I find the idea of it being smug upsetting. Not who I think she is .
The hard thing for me was in a retired group of her and retired friends saying , isnt it wonderful to be retired and smile at each other. I said one of us isnt.

All my friends retired before me and went on and on about how wonderful retirement was. I found it a bit annoying as l loved my job and had no interest in retiring. Retirement isn't everything. She could have 40 yeas of this.
Maybe say: l love my job and l am delighted to be working.

The point I was badly making was that you could suggest she should 'share' her good luck, fortune and privilege by helping others through volunteer work. Give back, if you will. But say it really subtly rather than directly shaming her

She won't do it, but she won't mention it (to you) again.

In the current climate it's kind of like splashing the cash (but not giving any out) around the homeless, you know? It's just tacky.

I'd honestly be tempted to say stuff like I read a study in Saga magazine that said early retirement is linked with Alzheimer's. Or brain tumours. Or saggy boobs.

My parents are retired and I do think they are very happy not having to worry about work. I think it must be a great feeling putting all that behind you. I think your friend is just really happy but hasn’t thought about how her words might make others feel.

@Oncloud
both A and B

I find the idea of it being smug upsetting. Not who I think she is .

Well, she is.

The hard thing for me was in a retired group of her and retired friends saying , isnt it wonderful to be retired and smile at each other. I said one of us isnt.

In this case, I think you were the out-of-step person. If she's with her retired friends, they're allowed to form a Smugness Collective, and you have to suck it up. But when she's with people IN THEIR WORKPLACES WHEN THEY ARE ACTUALLY WORKING then she has to shut up.

Otherwise it's like she's dancing through A&E singing, "I'm the picture of health!"

She's 50? She knows exactly what she is doing. And it's not nice.

Yeah I think after a year it’s rubbing peoples faces in it. I would think for the honeymoon period acceptable but she sounds to have a lack of humility