To not understand this comment..

[Oncloud]

We have a very wealthy friend who has retired at 50 and will never need to work again.
We are very lucky in that whilst we are older than that, we both manage by working part time , live frugally with a modest house.
By the nature of being working people we sometimes discuss our jobs... and that they are ok , not ok etc.. part of life.
She often says , in this context.. oh but i dont have to work, and claps her hands.
She often says also its wonderful to be retired. In a shop last week she said, hows the job , to a woman we know, followed by, oh i never have to work again.its great. Big smile.
My dh finds this either
A. A bit insensitive
B. A bit lacking in emotional intelligence.
C.( if he is feeling a little grumpy)
.. gloating. But hopes it is not the latter .

This person has had a full on supporting job role in the past. It is not like its been life in a bubble
. It does grate a bit at times and you see the look on peoples faces ,but she doesnt seem notice or to get that
It is a little insensitive especially in the current climate.
I find that its a bit annoying but i am seeking to understand that it could be just her ( she has an actively cultivated attitude of positivity towards life) .. am trying to find out if anyone has a different perspective of what this could be?? The responses i mean.. as i want not to go down the iabu route and be a grumpy and judgy human./ making assumptions .

Hence the request for others views.!

how close friends? How long have you known her? This aside, does your dh like her?

How often do you actually get together?

"while it's very nice for you and I'm happy for you, other people do still need to work to have adequate money coming in, and I think some people might think you are being a bit gloaty." from one poster, or from another one "Look, friend, I am not sure if you’re aware but when you said that comment in the shop the other day, it clearly upset some people listening. I saw them sharing a bit of a look and I think it was a case of needing to read the room a bit better." are the right sort of lines to take I think.

She is clearly a huge show off but I don't suppose she wants EVERYONE to be saying she's a dickhead. If you can gently suggest to her that while it's great she's happy, talking about it is making other people think she's a bit self-centred and unaware of the hardships of others, she will probably come back saying "everyone has different circumstances", but then YOU have to be brave and say "well sometimes I do feel a bit like you're not aware of how lucky your circumstances are compared to others". That might give her pause for thought.

One of my friends responded to me telling him that we were finding money tight at the minute by telling me how much (a lot) he'd just earnt. I just went quiet for a bit (confused!) and then said "I think I just told you that we are in quite hard times and you replied saying how you've got x thousand pounds this month". He was aghast at himself when he heard it back. If your friend doesn't get it when you've put it to her, she probably is just a massively insensitive cow and I'd be backing away from the friendship and enjoying never hearing about her blooming retirement again.

Alternatively I'd say - but isn't it sad you had to work at all? 😁

Well, if she's as nice and well-intentioned as you believe she is, then surely she'd be mortified to think she was coming across as smug, gloaty and dim all the time. So you'd be doing her a favour by encouraging her to have a bit of a think.

I couldn't be friends with someone like that she sounds mean. No one neurotypical would actually speak like that and not think of it as horrifically rude and insensitive.

Plus - yes it's great to be financially secure, but shes 50 with no job. Some people really value their careers and I wouldn't like the sneery "I'm better than everyone" "no one wants to work if they don't have to like meeee" vibe. Some people enjoy making a contribution in life. We all have different circumstances, as she would say!

She sounds an unbearable, bragging bore. Sitting around smiling at other retired people? Seriously?

Does she have anything else in her life, or is being rich her only thing? She sounds as dull as a rock.

Maybe she is just in her honeymoon period of retirement.

Unless she specifically rubs people's face in it with comments such as 'I am rich I don't need to work' etc I would just change subject.

I have experienced similar but it never bothers me. Their life their journey. This is mine and I don't let it get me down.

Your update about mentioning money all the time.......she's bragging and gloating.

It's like people who don't say my car....instead my BMW or range rover ect.

I detest braggers

Maybe you should suggest she gets herself a little job somewhere, does some volunteering or gets a hobby so she has something else to talk about.

She sounds vulgar. Ugh.

I have a very wealthy friend who hasn’t worked in over a decade. I can’t imagine her ever behaving like this.

TheHideAndSeekingHill think she realises she is lucky.
She often says that she is so lucky she does not have to work.
As said to me. Oh , I am so lucky I dont have to work.

OP, it's your attitude that is the puzzling thing on this thread -- your friend if clearly materialistic, and either insensitive or quite socially dimwitted or both, and whichever it is, she's a crashing bore.

But you seem weirdly resistant to acknowledging that and you keep tiptoeing around the situation. Are you afraid of her? What's stopping you saying what most people would feel able to say to a real friend, 'Dial it down, you've been banging on about not working for a full calendar year, and it gets a bit dull for the rest of us!'?

Maybe she just sees it as acknowledging her good fortune, and being grateful for what she has, rather than taking it for granted.

I’d find it far more annoying if a well off fortunate friend spent their time moaning about early retirement.

Is there anything in her life she's NOT happy with? given what you've said I think the only way to make her understand is how she'd feel if someone gloated over something she can't have e.g. "I'm so lucky to have such successful children!" or "I'm soooo lucky to be in good health" etc

The more you say about her OP the more it sounds as if she's incredibly insecure and needs somebody around who she perceives as less successful than her in order to bolster her self-esteem and to gloat. And sadly, that person is you. You're perfect for this because you lack confidence and haven't done what the rest of us would have done, which is just to say 'oh, are you retired? I'd forgotten, you so rarely say so'.

Looked at in this light, you might find the generosity is just another way of lording it over someone. 'Look at me, I'm so marvellous, here I am, helping out the helpless peasants'. I'd be distancing myself. Few hundred miles and an ocean would do it.

I think, to s degree, it's kind of 'ok' for that kind of banter, when you're significantly younger than you as long as you take the banter the other way. But it's no so great when you're the same age & have just been fortunate enough to be in a better financial position.

@Oncloud
There's always a social dance, some people are good at it, others aren't. It sounds like your friend is NOT. Your friend sounds lacking in social awareness, did you find this in any way before she retired?

it's hard to know what to say you could/should do without knowing her.

probably a few harmless quips?

'Well someone has to keep the wheels of progress turning'

'if we all retired at 50, who would run the world'

'🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

If I didn’t have to work I’d be happy clappy too
why is she insensitive- because you have to work. Those are the cards we’ve been dealt. I wouldn’t begrudge her any seconds of utter happiness and I wouldn’t be offended by her

It’s called reading the room.

Your friend is sounding more and more like one of those insufferable types who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Clearly money obsessed and thinks that bestows status, the more you say about her the more the comments sound like looking down on others who are not in her position, a very ugly trait. The more you write the more obvious it is that she knows exactly what her comments are like, that she is bragging as she defends them by saying everyone's circumstances are different.

I wouldn't want to spend much time with someone so shallow.

Your DH is spot on. Except its not either A, B or C - it's all three of them at once. She's an insensitive gloater.

TheEponymousGrub · Today 13:27

I'd reply, laughingly, "All, right, stop rubbing it in!"
And each time she said it, my laugh would get a leeetle bit smaller.

😂

She sounds like this because this is how the Op views her and presents her as such. Who knows whether accurate or not, but either way - clearly this isn’t someone the OP is particularly fond of so it’s a friendship on the decline I would say.

She sounds super annoying, but I will totally be like this if / when I retire. I won't be able to contain my excitement at leaving my horrible fucking job behind.

I'd start telling her how it's becoming a real worry for the generation below you, how so many people in their 50s are becoming prematurely economically inactive. "I mean, as if they don't have it hard enough, with house prices being so unaffordable to them...." etc etc.