Does my partner owe me cash for injuring me ?

[Namehasbeenchangedtoprotecttheinnocent]

Partner and I had a fight a year ago. It got physical and my finger got broken. Never been physical before or since. Both of us very ashamed. Basically- I’d been drinking & he was sober. Big argument kicked off. I went to bed as could see where it was heading ( big argument I mean-
not physical fight) I told him to sleep in other room but he followed me in and continued arguing. Tried to take duvet off bed. I was shouting at him and holding onto duvet. He slapped me ( only time ever happened) and there was scuffle. Finger obviously broken and confirmed by ED. So this were gets complicated. Turns out I have benign tumour in finger which why broke so easily.
Had hellish year of operations/ bone grafts / infections which has cost me a fortune and all my sick pay. I’m angry as if he hadn’t assaulted me in first place this wouldn’t be happening ( but probably would have at some point ) but yes not his fault I had tumour which means it broke so easily / isn’t healing. So AIBU to expect him to pay for operations or generally feel responsible
for what happened or do I suck it up?

This not about how dysfunctional it was to have this fight in the first place- that’s a WHOLE other post! Genuinely interested in peoples thoughts

Anyway glad I opened the ED / ER / A&E can of worms. Who knew people so passionate about this stuff!?

Your finger would have broken eventually anyway OP - pulling on jeans, catching it on a door frame, hoiking up the duvet - I've subluxed or tweaked my fingers with all these things and because I have Ehlers Danlos, its much worse than it would otherwise be - but these are run of the mill incidents most people do several times a week without really noticing for more than a second.

Bone weakened by tumour can break at the slightest thing, it wouldn't even require an accident, just normal pressure.

Who would you be blaming in that situation?

You're reasonably pissed off that illness/injury is costing you money and time.. but that doesn't follow that someone else is to blame.

I just checked my notes re something and it says I was seen by the A&E consultant on duty.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Regardless of where you are in the world I would be looking to sue my partner. You’re either happy together or not.

when in the same sentence proclaiming you’re working on things and then saying you resent him and ask if he should be paying for this fight (effectively) it doesn’t sound like this relationship is working at all.

@LetstalkaboutBruno where do you work?

My A&E doctor relative is absolutely an A&E doctor. Every hospital I've been to has an accident and emergency department. When I took DD to minor injuries (at a hospital that has a sign saying 'there is no A&E here' they told me I may need to take her to... wait for it... A&E.

www.plymouthhospitals.nhs.uk/emergency-department

Even when you Google the NHS Trust it comes up as ED.

I’m not going mad here! I only know about the “change” as I googled it myself when I was corrected for calling it A&E.

Fair enough. Here's my trust www.worcsacute.nhs.uk/services/item/accident-and-emergency-a-e

It must be done on an individual basis!

90% of posters missing the point here...

How I understand it - the OP doesn't see it as a pattern of physical violence, and doesn't want to discuss the relationship here.
Clearly, insurance coverage isn't there. In some countries it is very hard to get good insurance or to get some real coverage from it.

The question is, whether in a partnership without shared money, it is reasonable to expect the partner to participate in paying healing expenses. In this specific situation the partner was part of the incident(1) which lead to injury and the healing expsenses are heavily enlarged by pre-existing conditions.

(1)Maybe he is even responsible for it, I just wanted to start with more generic situation.

Yes, I'd expect to share the expenses - even if you both would understand it as a bad luck, the injury is still there. If the partner gets angry or in denial when asked, I'd question the future.
Yes, theoretically is means the partner paying support with a condition which would otherwise be yours to deal with has it been broken week later when tying shoelaces, but... bad luck?

@girlmom21

Yeah, maybe. No idea.

@Namehasbeenchangedtoprotecttheinnocent
"We are in therapy and trying to move forward but every other month my finger seems to get new infection or I need another expensive medical appointment. I’m finding it hard to move on from the resentment"

Perfect space to discuss it.

Ffs no he's doesn't owe you money but you owe it to yourself to leave him

Not everyone who posts on Mumsnet is living in the UK and has access to the NHS.

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-go-to-ae/ I'll just leave this here to add to the A&E/ED debate

Legally, for public liability injury claims, you take your victim as you find them. So if say you give someone a paper cut accidentally and they have an immune system issue and get sepsis from the paper cut and lose a limb, you pay compensation based on the loss of limb rather than just the paper cut and say 'oh well, it was just unlucky'.

However this is UK law, and its civil law not criminal (which this may fall under if it was accidental) and also you have to sue someone to get the compensation which I assume won't happen here.

So the short answer is, yes he should morally and legally pay you for any financial hardship due to an injury that he caused.

But even if this wasn't the case and you'd just had a bad accident...aren't you meant to be a partnership? Isn't he supporting you at all through the financial issues? I can't imagine causing someone i supposedly cared about (or even just knew) an injury, even accidentally, and then just saying 'oh bad luck' when they were a £££ down because of it

I actually think he should at the very least be covering half of your medical bills. If it weren't for his actions this may not have come about for 10 / 20 years if ever. I don't think people are realising that it was benign and causing no harm to you at the time. The fact that you tried to walk away from the incident makes me think that he is more responsible than you.

You weren’t ‘as bad as him’. You retreated from the verbal fight and tried to go to bed, he followed you, dragged the duvet off you, physically assaulted you and broke your finger.

This is unthinkable.

This. I mean, since we're being dysfunctional.

What a shitshow.

Just leaving this here www.royalfree.nhs.uk/services/services-a-z/emergency-department/do-you-need-to-come-to-ae/ to add to the confusion.

Well this is absolutely ridiculous

Your finger was fragile and vulnerable.

If your relationship was all perfume, roses and peacocks in the garden and your finger had been injured during loving making would you expect him to pay for it?

If you finger had been broken when you where helping your mum do something and she accidently stood on it would you expect her to pay for it?

The dysfunctional part of your relationship, which appears to include not supporting each other when one of you have financial difficulties, is what is making your feel aggrieved so it cannot be discounted from the thought process. It would be more valuable for you to reassess your relationship.

A&E where I live too. Nhs staff refer to it as A&E.

Did it used to be referred to as 'casualty' or am I imagining that?

As for your OP, op, I'd suggest you both take a good look at your relationship and work out how it ended up with physical violence.

Unlikely he'll be liable for our medical bills unless he has insurance and you have the means to take him to court for it!! But that would definitely be the death knell on your relationship so a lot to unpick there!

Isn’t it that the ‘emergency department’ incorporates several areas, such as A&E, paeds A&E, eye hospital, walk-in centres/out-of-hours GP (in an acute, rather than community setting), minor injuries and resus? And A&E is just one element within that?

Did it used to be referred to as 'casualty' or am I imagining that?

Nope. There’s a long-running TV series devoted to it…

This is a breathtaking example of missing the point.

You asking strangers on a public internet forum if your partner should pay you damages for physically injuring you is God's way of telling you to get the hell out of the relationship.

When you get to the point of having to consider compensation for physical injury your relationship is over. The fact that you are asking this question, apparently seriously, shows how warped your relationship has become and your mindset is.

Leave him. That is all.

What the hell did I just read?!