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AIBU?

To be so fed up of working full time and having so little disposable income?

177 replies

Coattailsfails · 10/10/2022 08:14

I know I’m not the only one in this position.

Single full time working mum to two primary aged children. I never stop. I’m exhausted all the time. Annual salary before deductions is just under £27k.
Ive now got £20 left for the next 8 days. We had a couple of unexpected expenses and it’s impossible for me to build up much of a buffer.
We have enough food, although may need milk and bread.
Ive probably got enough petrol if we are careful and walk as much as possible but I have to drive for my job. I can claim some back but it’s only monthly so I have the initial outlay and then have to wait for it to come back (as is the norm, I know but I could really do with it a bit earlier this month, it’ll be about £80).
We aren’t extravagant. But there’s just no let up to it, is there? I can’t think it’ll be better next month because it probably won’t! And dc1 needs school shoes 😩

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

479 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
6%
You are NOT being unreasonable
94%
nzeire · 10/10/2022 08:17

SAME!
every. Blinking. Month :)

just try not go into overdraft. See if you can do some swap sues with babysitting so you have SOME time to yourself.

it feels relentless, I know.

Coattailsfails · 10/10/2022 08:19

Sorry you are in the same boat.
Truss would say get a better job. Yeah right, because that’s easy. And who is meant to do all the lower paid jobs if everyone needs a ‘better’ job.

OP posts:
Turmerictolly · 10/10/2022 08:20

Does your ex pay maintenance? Can you get any benefit top ups?

Coattailsfails · 10/10/2022 08:24

He pays £100 ish a month 🙄
When we split he dropped his hours and his pay massively as he said he wasn’t earning just to give it to me.
Also he has them 2 nights a week and 50/50 in the holidays so that reduces the amount he has to pay.
However I pay for all their clothes, activities, day to day expenses so £100 is neither here nor there.

OP posts:
AntlerRose · 10/10/2022 08:24

Some employers will loan their employees a little in advance, it comes of your next payslip or two so its only worth doing for something very specific. I was thinking the school shoes.

hattie43 · 10/10/2022 08:24

I think many people are in this situation and will need to dig in for a couple of years .
Even though money is tight at least you are covering your bills and in your shoes I'd buy something cheap just to give yourself a lift , little treats , bunch of flowers , takeaway coffee , bar of chocolate etc etc .
Try and get discount tickets for cinema etc to take the kids .
There are no easy answers tbh but just know you're doing a great job and your kids will thankyou when they're older .

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/10/2022 08:29

Even though money is tight at least you are covering your bills and in your shoes I'd buy something cheap just to give yourself a lift , little treats , bunch of flowers , takeaway coffee , bar of chocolate etc etc

Shes got 20 quid left. A coffee is about £2.70 and flowers minimum 4quid

How are buying these going to help exactly?

Turmerictolly · 10/10/2022 08:32

Definitely look into applying for benefits.

catfunk · 10/10/2022 08:34

That is shit op. 27k after tax isn't a bad salary either, it's madness that people are struggling on that.
I'd also suggest a benefits calculator to see if you're missing out on any help.

hattie43 · 10/10/2022 08:34

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/10/2022 08:29

Even though money is tight at least you are covering your bills and in your shoes I'd buy something cheap just to give yourself a lift , little treats , bunch of flowers , takeaway coffee , bar of chocolate etc etc

Shes got 20 quid left. A coffee is about £2.70 and flowers minimum 4quid

How are buying these going to help exactly?

Well what's your suggestion then ?
Not everything has to be expensive to give a boost if you're low .

TightDiamondShoes · 10/10/2022 08:39

Are you claiming anything? I’m on a little less with 2 DC and 1 useless ex - but the top-up benefits are ok. Caveat - I have very cheap rent.

Danikm151 · 10/10/2022 08:42

Have a look and see if there is any help you haven’t applied for.
UC, council tax support, childcare help etc

tell your work explicitly you can’t afford to pay for petrol upfront- there will be a petty cash pot

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2022 08:43

It’s crap. But if you’re not in debt you’re winning.

If I were you, I’d keep any reimbursable expenses totally separate to your budget. So I’d get a credit card for petrol spends only - that way you just pay it off every month but you’re always a month ‘ahead’ because of the interest free billing period, so you can put the money available to pay last month’s bill aside when you are paid. It also stops the worry about not having enough money to fill up the car.

megletthesecond · 10/10/2022 08:43

Yanbu. Your ex is part of the problem here. Have you tried to claim maintenance through the CSA?
I'm a lone parent to teens (one with MH issues) and still work 3 days a week, even then I'm on the brink of breaking.

Hoplesscynic · 10/10/2022 08:45

27k not a bad salary (unless in London) and you are receiving some maintenance on top. What were your big expenses that brought you down so much?
I wouldn't be buying unnecessary things like coffee and flowers to 'boost' myself.

LizzieSiddal · 10/10/2022 08:47

It’s not fair that you’re subsidising your employer by paying for your petrol upfront. I’d go and ask them to pay upfront for your average use.

Also, do you want to put a list of your monthly expenses on here? Posters are so good at giving advise on how to save money.

Twillow · 10/10/2022 08:47

Coattailsfails · 10/10/2022 08:19

Sorry you are in the same boat.
Truss would say get a better job. Yeah right, because that’s easy. And who is meant to do all the lower paid jobs if everyone needs a ‘better’ job.

So divisive, isn't it? I guess her economic growth plan consists of making us all bankers.
I have an income half of yours though (am one of those doing the lower paid jobs ...) and just about get by (by the skin of my teeth and concerted effort) though I have no mortgage/rent outlay. What are your biggest outlays? Do you think you can trim your budget anywhere?

Fairyliz · 10/10/2022 08:48

Coattailsfails · 10/10/2022 08:24

He pays £100 ish a month 🙄
When we split he dropped his hours and his pay massively as he said he wasn’t earning just to give it to me.
Also he has them 2 nights a week and 50/50 in the holidays so that reduces the amount he has to pay.
However I pay for all their clothes, activities, day to day expenses so £100 is neither here nor there.

So it’s not actually your salary/the cost of living/lack of benefits that is at fault; it’s the fact that you have a dick ex.
If he was a reasonable bloke giving you say £600 per month you certainly wouldn’t be rich but there would be a little bit of money for treats.
Sorry you are in this situation op, hopefully things will improve as you get older.

Coattailsfails · 10/10/2022 08:49

Annual salary is just under £27k before deductions.
Take home is approx £1800
Rent is £1200.

dc2 broke their glasses. The frames get replaced but they have to be thinned because their eyesight is so poor. That was £60
Then I had a puncture in a brand new tyre. Another £80.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 10/10/2022 08:50

Coattailsfails · 10/10/2022 08:24

He pays £100 ish a month 🙄
When we split he dropped his hours and his pay massively as he said he wasn’t earning just to give it to me.
Also he has them 2 nights a week and 50/50 in the holidays so that reduces the amount he has to pay.
However I pay for all their clothes, activities, day to day expenses so £100 is neither here nor there.

Is it correct on the CMS calculator, or is the £100 a private arrangement? If it’s not through CMS you should consider it.

CecilyP · 10/10/2022 08:50

Danikm151 · 10/10/2022 08:42

Have a look and see if there is any help you haven’t applied for.
UC, council tax support, childcare help etc

tell your work explicitly you can’t afford to pay for petrol upfront- there will be a petty cash pot

I would also advise looking at applying for top up benefits. Unfortunately, if you work for a large organisation, you can’t tell them you want your travel expenses up front, and that definitely isn’t what petty cash is for.

Also, your ex is pretty mean. Are you going through CMS?

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2022 08:51

Oof, that is high rent on your take home. Definitely check you are claiming all you are entitled to.

Sciurus83 · 10/10/2022 08:52

Oh wow £1200 is a massive rent, has it gone up a lot recently?

cushioncovers · 10/10/2022 08:53

I'd go through Cms and see if you can get anymore from your ex, £100 is a pitiful amount to contribute to his children. Ask him to start paying for school uniform etc so at least he's not 'giving it all to you' as he said. Can you find somewhere cheaper to rent?

limoncelloo · 10/10/2022 08:54

No real advice but just wanted to add some solidarity...

I earn a similar amount (28k) working full time in the emergency services... to the politicians and people that would tell me to get a better job- well I work in an essential service and someone has to do this job surely!

I am a single parent to 3 children. Ex h of course is self employed so I get £30 a month from him through CMS. Applied for a variation but have been waiting over a year.

Have hardly anything left after all the essentials, life just feels relentless.

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