To think that it’s an ongoing challenge to look groomed and smart as an overweight woman?

[NellesVilla]

Evening all,

Just musing the following:

I’m overweight, extremely overweight and don’t wear it well (IMO). I’m technically almost obese but others say I don’t look quite this bad (thanks?!). I find it so hard to look groomed and smart. I’m an extremely fastidious, clean person and dress in neutrals with simple, classic make up and nicely-styled hair but it is such an effort to keep up. My hair messes itself up within minutes (and needs to be brushed all the time- v fine, long and flyaway); I get hot sweaty and red-faced v easily and I don’t ever look nice or nicely put together.

Are you overweight or do you know anyone overweight who looks classy and stylish, and if so, how is it done? My hair looks like it’s been dragged through a bush backwards (think Hermione in Harry Potter).

This is not to offend anyone who is also overweight (we know we are), and I am working on my weight (but anyone with an ED will know it’s a long process for some). Is it possible to look good overweight- I don’t think so, personally, but any ideas on how to look/feel a bit better while I’m on my health journey would be helpful, thanks.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow Those shoes are gorgeous. I wish I could still wear heels without falling over.

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas for dressing in a hot climate? Where to shop? I can’t afford expensive clothes. Cheap clothing tends to be a no-no because of often being made with polyester fabric (or god forbid, I’ve seen some fabrics are now being made from recycled plastic bottles - I might as just wrap myself in plastic kitchen wrap a la the movie ‘Fried Green Tomatoes.’ ). So I guess the category I’m looking for is ‘reasonable priced clothing’,

I know people will probably automatically think linen, but unfortunately I can’t wear it as it irritates my skin. Since menopause, I’m ultrasensive to textures. Cotton is my go to in summer. I can wear viscose, (part tree fibre or something, but they do use chemicals in the making), and a few other fabrics as long as I have a cotton tshirt or singlet on underneath.

I’m 5ft 1 and 97kg up from a 65-71kg fluctuation for many years. I find it really hard to look decent and feel extremely stressed by events where I am often speaking from the front and very visible. My whole shape has changed post baby as well as the weight, so I now have a massive dangly fat apron at the front of my body. It’s beyond devastating and I seem unable to summon the discipline to do anything about my eating. It’s awful.

Frizzy hair is a separate issue from the body shape/size IMO.

I find if I invest time getting and keeping my hair smooth and styled, I can get away with murder when it comes to makeup/clothes.

@Northbynorthbreast

i think a lot of us would relate to your post. I certainly do. I feel for you. Something I’ve done, suggested by an earlier poster is to follow fat positive women on Instagram. They aren’t hard to find and you’ll find the ones that you identify with most. Getting the Instagram influencers that had slim bodies, and those that had perfect houses etc. off my feed has helped quite a bit. Identifying with people that look more like oneself is healthier for the mind, I think. I’m trying to learn acceptance of my ageing changing body.

I remember Oprah Winfrey telling the story of when she was at her heaviest having to go up on stage and accept some really prestigious award. She said all she could think of was all the people watching her fat butt waddling down the centre aisle to the stage. Thing is, I had watched her that night on my tv and I wasn’t thinking about/judging size of her butt. I was thinking that I like the grey silver skirt suit she had on, and how exciting this award must be for her.

Chrissy Metz on This Is Us is obese. She has an amazing wardrobe and always looks well put together. I know it's not real life as she'll have make up artists and stylists etc but she is one to watch or follow in instagram. Such a gorgeous character on screen and her warmth shines through off screen too.

I found when I was fat that my makeup came off a lot as I was sweating from walking, or just sitting still because of all the crap food and sugary coffees making me hot and puffy etc. When I eat healthily it stays in place. My hair needs more work when I'm fat as it's in a drier condition. I go without makeup more when slim as my features stand out more. And yes clothes look shit so takes more thought.

This is the best thread in a long time so relatable and some fantastic advice to take away, thank you voluptuous ladies

My one consolation is that I do have excellent hair :)

Theres definitely a lot of gross looking men in the world but they are easily ignored by everyone too. I hardly see them, iyswim. They make no effort to look decent; and I make no effort towards them either.

My hair is wilful at whatever weight. What does for me - and always has, tbf, is my boobs. I can't wear anything with buttons or wrap over etc for smart as I'm an instant bra flashing, straining mess. Similar when I was slimmer however as I've always been busty. Big boobs ruin lines and they're not chic. I hate people telling me they're wonderful.

I'm supposed to be choosing a wedding dress atm and I'm dreading it.

Toothy agree. My chest got bigger as I got heavier, it's such a nuisance.

Minty It's interesting that you don't notice the fat guys. I find it easier to be ignored so would not follow a lot of the advice on this thread. What I go for is not to stand out, but if anyone is looking, I like to have minimised the weight when possible.

It's interesting that you don't notice the fat guys

Its not so much ‘fat guys’ as sloppy looking guys that do the bare minimum (if that).

Though now that you mention it, I do know a lot of glamorous looking women who happen to be overweight. I don’t know any overweight men that look fashionable.

I think it's a challenge for anyone, of any size. The constant upkeep of hair, nails, skincare - it can all get a bit time-consuming!

I will say, though, that if I bother to dry my hair properly, even if I then tie it up I feel a lot better.

More tips from a short fat woman:

Get a properly fitted bra! Most women are too big in the band and too small in the cup. Instant shape and posture boost.

If you’re a bit between sizes and not sure what to do, go bigger. Clothes generally look good if they are a bit looser and drape. Clothes that are stretching over your bum and bosom and belly and digging in make you look bigger no matter what your size. If you don’t like the size on the label, snip it out. Clothes sizing is all over the place anyway. If you can sew or you know someone who does, a few alterations can make all the difference. Well fitting clothes look better (I look like Mr Tickle in jackets and coats unless I alter the sleeves).

Quality over quantity, buy good fabrics and cuts, second hand if need be. My favourite coat is a purple Laura Ashley one I bought off eBay about 10 years ago and it’s still in good nick and attracts many compliments. Don’t be afraid of a bold colour if it suits you and you like it.

You don’t need to spend a fortune. I don’t colour my (grey) hair any more, just have it cut. I do my own brows. No beauty treatments, just a bit of makeup including a bright lipstick because it suits me. I do my own nails - I hate wearing false nails or gels. You don’t see chips on clear varnish, but it does look a bit more groomed.

Slightly random but mountain warehouse does good dresses and tops for hot weather, often cotton, UV ones too and up to size 28

I’ve been very thin and now I’m bordering on overweight and it’s been a constant challenge to look decent imo! I honestly think some women just know how to dress and deal with their hair and some don’t, and I’m in the don’t category. Therefore I wear classic clothes that are neither in or out and don’t take ages to do my hair because it looks the way it does no matter how I fuss with it. I settle for I look ‘average’!! I imagine there are lots of people of all sizes like this.

I feel like I might be one of a few getting OP's point, with many missing it
OP, obviously tell me if I'm wrong

I thought you were saying

• whatever our standard appearance is when slim, seems fine and smart

But regardless of hair, nails, quality clothes and other grooming, all that seems to be made redundant by being overweight.

Is that what you meant? It's how I feel. I am obese and that's all I can see. At my size and height, it's all wrong and can't look groomed.