To think that it’s an ongoing challenge to look groomed and smart as an overweight woman?

[NellesVilla]

Evening all,

Just musing the following:

I’m overweight, extremely overweight and don’t wear it well (IMO). I’m technically almost obese but others say I don’t look quite this bad (thanks?!). I find it so hard to look groomed and smart. I’m an extremely fastidious, clean person and dress in neutrals with simple, classic make up and nicely-styled hair but it is such an effort to keep up. My hair messes itself up within minutes (and needs to be brushed all the time- v fine, long and flyaway); I get hot sweaty and red-faced v easily and I don’t ever look nice or nicely put together.

Are you overweight or do you know anyone overweight who looks classy and stylish, and if so, how is it done? My hair looks like it’s been dragged through a bush backwards (think Hermione in Harry Potter).

This is not to offend anyone who is also overweight (we know we are), and I am working on my weight (but anyone with an ED will know it’s a long process for some). Is it possible to look good overweight- I don’t think so, personally, but any ideas on how to look/feel a bit better while I’m on my health journey would be helpful, thanks.

Tooo I have a small head too! I can wear kiddie sunglasses!

I think the problem sometimes when people put on weight they lose a bit of confidence and try to dress so that they are invisible - neutrals, baggy clothes etc. Whereas someone like Beth Ditto wears bright colours, edgy patterns etc, keeps the hair sharp with a strong fringe and bright dyes, changes up the look often rather than settling for one look that 'works, isn't afraid to show a bit of skin. And the result is joyous

My pre menopausal hair is thinning and awful, and my BMI is around 19.5. My hair looked at its best at around BMI 22 or so.

I don't think it's really weight that's the issue. Its hair and skin type.
I'm slim (bmi 18.5) but my hair is permentantly fluffy, won't stay in a style properly and my skin is very prone to redness, shine and dry patches.

Just bad genetics for some of us, best option is speaking to a hairdresser about products and cut to suit your hair, and looking into skin care products and good coverage long lasting make up.

Or you could just resign to being natural looking for now and focus on appearance more when you have more free time depending on your circumstances at the moment.

This is so incredibly depressing. Is this where we all are as women? And as soon as someone is a little bit overweight they have to faff about with all this extra stuff just to seem acceptable? Does anyone hold men to this high an account? Feminism doesn't seem to have come that far if everyone is judging each other like this.

This is so incredibly depressing. Is this where we all are as women? And as soon as someone is a little bit overweight they have to faff about with all this extra stuff just to seem acceptable? Does anyone hold men to this high an account? Feminism doesn't seem to have come that far if everyone is judging each other like this.

I really don't think other people give a shiny shite to be honest. Women judge themselves.

I don't care what anybody thinks of me. I love me and my family and friends love me. I don't really stress about it tbh.

I thought it was a Style & Beauty chat but then saw it was AIBU.

but yes, I think a short fat bloke would have the same issues as I do in trying to look a certain way, especially business smart. I'm surprised there aren't more tailors around in fact. I know of one chap who does tailoring for men's suits only and he still has lots of work in spite of casual offices and home working.

Catch I love me too. Just because I don't think I suit being fat doesn't mean I don't love me.

There's plenty of fat blokes who get shit for how they look.

Yes, Adele is gorgeous when big too.

But I’ve only ever seen images of her when she’s in fully glammed and styled mode. Most of us don’t have access to that.

I would go to a salon and speak to the hairdressers to find out what products you need for your hair to keep it fixed and set for the day.. or even discuss what you've used in the past etc...

in terms of red face and sweaty I would get something like rosalique and a corrector/primer
and put a setting spray or have like the mac fix spray

hope this helps

Never seen any reporting on Boris Johnson being chubby and a mess?

Me too! And my son and I share a bike helmet! (he's 10! And small!!)

I agree with it being easier to throw on a T shirt and jeans when you are slim. Off duty models being “papped” leaving Starbucks, Kate Middleton getting her covid jab for example. I’ve been slim and I’ve been a big size 16 (I’m 5’7”) fwiw.

The tv characters whose styles are admired are played by slender women with flattish stomachs and smallish boobs, like Gillian Anderson, Jodie Comer, Hermione Norris, Nicola Walker, Alison King. I think that Christina Hendricks is an outlier (and she’s certainly not obese, nowhere near).

I’m not sure that hair matters, particularly. Hermione Norris has rather poor hair. Nicola Walker’s isn’t her best feature, it sometimes looks lank. But both women can cause raincoats and dresses to sell out.

No it’s not all we are as women.

And some of us just aren’t ‘ a little bit overweight’

But one one indisputable, (I believe), fact is that when we look good and are well groomed we move more easily in the world. Other people judge us, which in itself is neither here nor there, but the judgement often leads to us being treated as less than.

For example: As my excess weight gain is fairly recent, I can say that In medical settings I will often experience blame for how I look. (much more than before I was fat). My health problems when I was slim were seen as pretty much beyond my control. Now I’m fat, I’m often receiving less care than I should because I’m being blamed for my illhealth. Btw, health problems haven’t changed for me much since getting v fat. It is possible to mitigate this lessening of care received by being well groomed and dressed.. As it lends authority - the look that speaks money, (which good grooming and dressing does - especially if you are one of the very clever ones who can achieve it on a very limited budget) - is more respected. There are so many instances of this in other area of our lives especially work situations.

It makes the feminist fight for equality even harder. if we lived in an all feminist world it would be easier, but we don’t.

I think it depends on your shape and where you hold the weight. It is definitely possible to look attractive and be overweight 😀

An overweight hourglass is always going to be more in proportion than me and look slimmer even at same weight.

I've been overweight and am a rectangle shape holding all my flab in lumps and bumps on stomach and square hips/ love handle flab 😮
I've lost over two stone and I look a lot more streamlined

I think just keep going with grooming and presentation. You are probably being really hard on yourself

Chazx "An overweight hourglass is always going to be more in proportion than me and look slimmer even at same weight."

Yes! I am like a spherical potato with a small head. This doesn't help 😂

when I was slim, I was a slim potato with a big bum. Which in turn makes me think, what's the difference, neither are very good shapes for clthes!

I'm a size 20 and generally always look well put together (I get complimented a lot on my style and called glamorous a lot despite having a 4 month old baby in tow too!) but I HONESTLY think it is all to do with your self esteem, confidence and how you feel about yourself.

Fashion at the moment is bloody horrendous and high street sizing is about as reliable as a chocolate fireguard, so it is no wonder you struggle.

However, I have found that if you find some key items for your wardrobe you can generally dress them up or down. I always try make sure my hair and make up is done as it makes me feel better but yep I get sweaty easily too which I feel is def due to me carrying some extra pounds!

There's some fabulous plus size/curve range and inclusive fashion houses out there at the moment such as SimplyBe, In the Style, New look plus etc.

I also shop a lot on Vinted and have found some great buys on there.

Just experiment with different styles until you feel comfortable.

I find that people usually go for baggy clothes to try mask their weight when actually fitted styles can look more complimentary. I always wear figure hugging dresses for nights out or fitted skinny jeans. It's all about recognising your shape, what suits you and how you feel.

Perhaps try booking a session with a personal shopper, or going out with a friend, trying things on outside of your comfort zone etc.

I suspect it's got more to do with how you feel about yourself rather than you looking bad!

So I was going to disagree, and say that it takes same amount of time to look groomed no matter what your weight is. But I think of some men I know - if quite overweight they look like they slept in their suit by the end of the day, whereas slim men still look fresh. Maybe it's the same with women, though I notice it less.

I think you're maybe being a little hard on yourself. I don't know if you use any social media but I changed the makeup of my instagram a while ago to include more plus size and body positive fashion bloggers and it helped shift how I felt about what I can wear and how I look. I think everyone has days where they feel a bit like a zombie/bedraggled/ not a good skin day etc no matter what size you are. I think the main thing is starting to notice the things about yourself that you like- your eyes, your smile, when you're having a good skin day, your nails, your eyebrows whatever it is. It sounds like you do keep yourself well groomed and make effort but it also sounds like you're holding yourself to an unrealistic standard. Who are these women that are always perfect and how much time do they commit to that? Don't get me wrong sometimes I wish I was more put together but at the same time I wouldn't sacrifice the amount of time, money and energy to reach that level because it would start to detract from other things that I love that make me happy. I think you just need to be a little gentler with yourself.

I gave up trying to look smart about 3 years ago 🤷‍♀️

I’m not going to comment on your weight because I’ve been there (and definitely a lot heavier than you, to the point I had to have surgery) but I’d say an easy win for you could be an appointment with a good hairdresser who would be able to not only find a style to suit you and your hair type, but would also teach you how to style and look after it.
When I was overweight I always made sure I had great hair-the body was a lost cause but I was able to deal with my hair and even tho I say it myself-it looked damn good!

I think the issue is you need to wear more figure hugging clothes but it'a easy to opt for looser fits.

A lot of the glamorous/ stylish plus sized friends of mine go for bold colours, retro styling/ arty/ vintage and embrace their curves.

Finding the right fit for your body type is important too.

Thing is, to look good big, all the features need to be in place to look good.

Your hair needs to be perfect. Perfect clothes on. Having a good skin day etc etc etc. All the smoke and mirrors need to be in place.

Otherwise you look a mess.

Whereas if you're slim, dry shampoo and a scarf that suits you can usually fix it all.