To think that it’s an ongoing challenge to look groomed and smart as an overweight woman?

[NellesVilla]

Evening all,

Just musing the following:

I’m overweight, extremely overweight and don’t wear it well (IMO). I’m technically almost obese but others say I don’t look quite this bad (thanks?!). I find it so hard to look groomed and smart. I’m an extremely fastidious, clean person and dress in neutrals with simple, classic make up and nicely-styled hair but it is such an effort to keep up. My hair messes itself up within minutes (and needs to be brushed all the time- v fine, long and flyaway); I get hot sweaty and red-faced v easily and I don’t ever look nice or nicely put together.

Are you overweight or do you know anyone overweight who looks classy and stylish, and if so, how is it done? My hair looks like it’s been dragged through a bush backwards (think Hermione in Harry Potter).

This is not to offend anyone who is also overweight (we know we are), and I am working on my weight (but anyone with an ED will know it’s a long process for some). Is it possible to look good overweight- I don’t think so, personally, but any ideas on how to look/feel a bit better while I’m on my health journey would be helpful, thanks.

My biggest friend is my most stylish friend but she puts a lot of effort into grooming and does sort of dramatic smart casual well which suits her work. She’s got a bob she always straightens when out, nails always perfect, smart flats that match her outfits, wears well fitting jeans and nice knitwear, wrap tops, dresses when smarter. It’s certainly possible but she’s either naturally into grooming or works hard at it. It’s never try hard but it’s visible.

Relative who dresses extremely well and is a size 20 plus. Gorgeous boden style - trousers, blouses/shirts. Hair either cut very short and styled or longer in braids/up do.
And shes 5 foot nothing

I am a short fat apple shape and at size 20, it is impossible for me to look anything but matronly and dowdy and fat.

It's very wearing and brings me down a lot. No amount t of well cut hair and fitted bras can help the shape, I never feel good about myself.

I know the solution will be to lose weight. Easier said than done for most of us.

But until this happens, getting dressed is a daily battle. I feel your pain.

See, I'm 5'1'' and I'd look like a clown in patterned trousers. I shy away from a patterned shirt. I do like colours that suit me though. Aubergine, rust and olive are my lovely colours and navy is my new black. LOVE earrings and I'm wearing bigger earrings than I used to wear. Love momuse earrings right now.

But man it's hard. I look at myself in the mirror and even though my clothes aren't cheap and aren't flimsy and were all quite carefully chosen, the overall affect is still somehow ''plump dowdy woman looks ordinary today''

Urgh, know what you mean!
I'm a size 18, 5ft6, 15 stones but my belly.... 😱 I look pregnant all the time and it really fucks me off, I really have to stand tall and suck it in!! But that's bloated, diet related I'm sure but as my boobs are small, A cup, it makes my belly look worse! And I exercise quite a bit too! 🤦‍♀️

And I've lost and kept off 2 stone in the past 2 years but do I look any better... do I fuck?

Hair is really fine, lots of baby hair coming through so continually look like a baby elephant/sunflower if I don't control it, usually in a slick bun with a messy bun hair piece wrapped round and pinned in, game changer!
Make up is really simple, bb cream, Bronzer and mascara for normal day wear.

I have no advice but I do feel for you, I completely understand!

overweight, extremely overweight and don’t wear it well (IMO). I’m technically almost obese

so if your BMI is not actually in the obese category, you could easily be a size 14 or 16? Overweight probably, but not "extremely" as in a dress size in the high 20's or 30+

At a larger size one probably does need to try harder to look well groomed and put together, but it's not impossible - and your hair has nothing to do with your size.

Sounds as if you need to work on your self confidence and mental wellbeing as much as physical stuff.

@EmmaH2022 yeh, I think it's so hard, ten times as hard when you're short.
I was just looking at some clothes on Toast and I was almost laughing to myself at how dowdy they'd make me look.

Can anybody recommend a short trinny? I watch trinny's clips sometimes and she does have a knack but all of her looks would look bad on a short person.

Are you obese or not OP? I'm actually obsese. I think I can look good. I think the answer is to dressing for the size and shape you are rather than how you want to look. I'm an hour glass shape and work with that. I suit more structured clothing rather than baggy, shapeless or chunky clothing. There are styles I'd love to wear but they don't work on my figure. It also helps if you shop in places that stock your size. When I was a teen and in my 20s, I longed to shop in trendy shops that never had my size (I was thinner than i am now as well!). Now I take my business to places that want my custom!

I also think that you need to be realistic about some things. Long hair is harder to manage for a start, so wear it up or get it cut.

You haven’t said what kind of occasions you’re talking about looking good for so I’ll assume some sort of office job. I used to
work with a woman was what sounds like a similar size
and shape to you and she always looked great in fairly simple shift dress in either a plain colour or a basic pattern such as single stripe
down the front and maybe a blazer
over and shoes with some heel (you don’t want to cripple yourself)!
I agree with those who recommend a light make up and for the hair, take a good hairdresser’s on what
kind of cut would suit you best and what kind of products would help.

I've seen blogs before saying about how there is a pressure for larger women to be perfectly groomed to 'make up' for not being the size society approves of and to show they're not slobbish.

This might be a case of how we judge ourselves vs others, but I have a neighbour like this. I think she looks fab but if I try to dress similarly, I still think I look awful.

I am feeling it even more now as I have a broken tooth - happened yesterday - and it feels like it shouldn't matter as I look rubbish anyway.

though it has made me realise I'm not such a grumpy old sod - surprising how much smiling you do in a day - though I can't at the mo.

my neighbour also has a pixie cut but my frizz is not genetically designed to suit anythimg like that. She wears ponchos and looks fab. I would look silly.

Shift dresses made Princess Dianna look fat and boxy, they are generally to be avoided

@user1471553275 , you sound absolutely lovely and I’m sure that your confidence radiates out of you making you look beautiful too. You make me think of the Roald Dahl ‘moonbeams’ quote, about if you think happy thoughts, you’ll be stunning etc, or something along those lines.

I really do think confidence and attitude helps project an over all better appearance and that I’m not helping myself. I truly believe I need to lose a heck of a lot of weight but can help a little on my way to that goal.

Yep

There was a mum I always noticed at school drop off, larger than most but always well put together and fab looking. It was a while ago but she had long wavy hair, think it was deep brown and she was always made up, red lipstick. And bright bold clothes, dungarees, dresses etc. Always seemed smiley and in control. While more slender me flapped about looking like a hot mess.

Kindly, I think also that you need to work on your self esteem as a size 14 is certainly not classed as extremely over weight. I actually find that quite insulting as a size 14 myself.

As others have said, shop for your shape. Maybe take a friend with you shopping or get a stylist.

Hmmm, tricky one. I’m a size 12, 5 ft 7 and always look and feel a complete mess. I have a friend who is significantly larger and shorter who always without fail, looks amazing. Her hair always shines, her skin is luminous (is that right word?!) and she always looks impeccably turned out. She has a harder life than I do as well so it’s not about money or lifestyle.

Is it attitude and internal confidence or knowing how to dress? Whatever it is, I don’t have it and I don’t consider myself very overweight, so I am not convinced it’s to do with size.

If you aren't comfortable in your skin, no amount of grooming in the world will make you feel good.

If you are taking a decision not to lose weight, then you need to get comfortable with yourself.

I'm a size 18/20 and 5ft 7.

I am not in the mindset for losing weight at the moment, cos I really can't be arsed.

I've been a size 8/10, when I was at a low point I'm my life and I didn't feel any better for it to be honest.

I am comfortable with my size. Feel confident in my dress sense. I know how to do my make up now, (thank you tik tok) in fact I wear less make up on a daily basis now I know what I'm doing.

You've got to embrace yourself. Confidence os key here.

It's all about the tailoring. You need clothes that fit and flatter you. Think Joan from Mad Men.

If your hair isn't working for you change it up. Could you go short? Or get extensions? Or a new colour?

Look bold, embrace yourself, love and celebrate yourself the way you are and the rest will follow

See also: Beth Ditto

I've been feeling like this! I've bought a few dresses to wear with black tights & got some black boots, wore one today & nobody stared! I'm not happy with my figure so I always wear a perfume (don't have to be expensive) & have a nice handbag, wear clear nail varnish. Haven't been well so have been taking more care with my skincare.

Was talking to someone about this today actually. When I was my very slimiest( size 8) things looked great, jeans and a vest/top and cardigan would have been my day to day . I also wore make up everyday and hair was always curled. If it wasn’t and I didn’t wear much makeup I still looked presentable as clothes looked well on me. Fast forward several years, babies and belly rolls later I am far far from slim and to look presentable is a huge effort! I don’t think it’s necessarily only about the size I am but that I don’t alway have styledhair, nails are never polished etc . I wore a statement necklace today for first time in 6 years and felt like a big thing even though I regularly did so in my better looking slim days. So all in all yes I think being slim makes it easier to look good but styled hair, make up, earrings or other nice accessories absolutely go a million miles towards looking good xx I just don’t have the time or inclination anymore to even paint my nails and I think god who was that woman a few years ago who had gel nails every 2 weeks without fail!
I think I need a shake, I used to have “ stylish” clothes and now I have a serious case of the “ whatever fits me” will do!

that is actually an example of why it's hard. I do find when people say "look at xx" it's no help at all.

I'm about size 16/18.

I know some overweight people who look stunning. My sil is one. She just is gorgeous!!

I think it depends on your 'look'. For me, I look awful when I'm overweight. I have a super small head, and thinning hair and just look all weird when I am overweight. It's like my face needs me to be thin. I am currently on a diet and approaching thinness (from being overweight last year), and I'm looking better. Other people look great when they are bigger.

I personally think Adele suits being big, I think she looks all out of proportion and big framed now she's lost weight. I thought she was lovely before.

I think what weight suits you depends on your features, but also your personality. Some personalities are beautiful big, and it shines through. Like I say, my sil is overweight and I honestly think she's gorgeous. She doesn't think she is though.

Big can definitely be beautiful :) 👍

I’m recently obese. 3- 4 years. Had Graves Disease, RAI to kill off my thyroid and although with thyroxine daily and not ‘under active’ levels, this has not stopped my recently very increased appetite (not as bad as when I was ‘overactive’ but I never returned to my normal amount of food/hunger)

I’m post menopausal and grey haired. I can look to a family member and she’s v fat too, but has the money to buy, (that for me), are very expensive clothing labels, shoes bags. Had her hair cut coloured and styled tegularly. Nails always professionally done etc. Me, very little money , can barely work out how to dress in anything but pyjamas. One thing that helps me. I now apply lipstick in a bright red (goes well with my grey hair) and put my shoulder length fine hair up in a French role when going anywhere. I’ve started wearing gold hoop earrings, not huge ones but substantial enough, and I’ve realised people focus on my face because of that: in busy public areas - where I still wear face masks I lose the effect of the lipstick.