To think that it’s an ongoing challenge to look groomed and smart as an overweight woman?

[NellesVilla]

Evening all,

Just musing the following:

I’m overweight, extremely overweight and don’t wear it well (IMO). I’m technically almost obese but others say I don’t look quite this bad (thanks?!). I find it so hard to look groomed and smart. I’m an extremely fastidious, clean person and dress in neutrals with simple, classic make up and nicely-styled hair but it is such an effort to keep up. My hair messes itself up within minutes (and needs to be brushed all the time- v fine, long and flyaway); I get hot sweaty and red-faced v easily and I don’t ever look nice or nicely put together.

Are you overweight or do you know anyone overweight who looks classy and stylish, and if so, how is it done? My hair looks like it’s been dragged through a bush backwards (think Hermione in Harry Potter).

This is not to offend anyone who is also overweight (we know we are), and I am working on my weight (but anyone with an ED will know it’s a long process for some). Is it possible to look good overweight- I don’t think so, personally, but any ideas on how to look/feel a bit better while I’m on my health journey would be helpful, thanks.

Also, it's all futile if you carry your weight on your face.

I'd be fine at a size 16/18 - but I have a massive pie face. Looks awful

I have to be a slimmer size for my face to slim down.

Yes, I have a slim husband who just has to have a good haircut, is clean shaven and wearing something neat and tidy (not even a suit) and at the end of the day he looks just like he did when started, and I look like I’ve fallen apart.

I agree.

But I find that good underwear really really helps. If you can get a decent silhouette without all the bumps and lumps that my bras and pants often allow my flesh to protrude, then you're on the right track.

Nothing worse than muffin top and boobs spilling out of a badly fitting bra. Or even the bra cups being too big and causing that weird v-line cleavage under a shirt.

5’4 and 17.5 stone here, regularly getting compliments on my appearance. I almost never wear make up and I am terrible at hair. But I love clothes. I wear exactly what I want, usually in bright colours and fun patterns, and I look awesome. My top tip: learn to love the way you look and stand out with confidence. Because, seriously, that will make more differnce than anything. You don’t have to dress in my style, you have to find your style and rock it. And for some fat women, that will absolutely be jeans and a fitted t-shirt.

When I agreed that I can’t put on jeans and a T-shirt and look good I didn’t mean that would be the case for everyone. I look like I just don’t care when I dress like this, but other women can look fabulous.

Agree. My sister and I both are obese but she is a pear, I'm an apple, and she always looks 10x more put together than me, even in similar outfits.

I am size 16-18 5ft7, size 6 shoe, I have plain clothes Irl I hate wearing work or dress up clothes I will wear jeans or leggings with varying tops and makeup lightly done and hair straightened or put up. Up until lockdown I was a 12-14 my lifestyle and medical needs changed (yes, I am on corticosteroids) and inevitably gained weight. I do think the need to be dressed impeccable or be a certain weight is ridiculous. I have a degree and a masters within computing, I have over 5 years' experience within operational and projects and full references. It is only the men that are discriminatory or rude to myself during current interviews clearly not valuing my worth because of my size.

I am puzzled with the comments about hair, how on earth would being overweight mean your hair is a mess? I am currently overweight but my hair is pretty much always immaculate, from morning to night as my weight doesn’t impact my hair.

In terms of clothes, I think it takes longer to source the right pieces, for example if my luggage went missing after a flight, it would not be a simple case of going to the nearest clothes shop and picking a few things up, it would take a bit more research and effort. But as it is, I have found the stores that accommodate my shape, I know what suits me and I believe I am always well turned out. About ten years ago, I spent a few hours with a clothes stylist who also gave me my first makeup lesson and that was really helpful.

I always wear a scarf around my neck to draw the eye away from my body. I’m slim, but too busty, so this hides my chest.

I'm 5'7 and have been 14 st 7lbs, into obese for BMI and size 16-18 but never felt I looked a mess at work. Being obese didn't make my hair a mess.

I know women size 22+ who look smart. I wore the same type of things as I wear now size 12/14 - comfortable dresses, jacket, suits and top/shirt, smart shoes. Just get clothes that fit you properly and feel good.

I’m five foot 4 and technically obese at 12.5 stone. I feel a bit like this but I think it’s down to confidence and not being slim enough to wear the clothes I love and suit anymore.

my dear friend is at least a size 20 or bigger and she looks amazing. She dresses very well for her size, has beautiful olive skin that tans easily and great thick shiny, well cut hair. Her nails, shoes and bags are always matching too.

i don’t think it’s impossible to look good, maybe harder though.

Perhaps the skill is in the effort of sticking to a healthy low calorie diet and exercising when you'd sooner be home eating chips and chocolate.
You're assuming they're naturally slim.

@Idyllicidealist feel better for that?🙄

@Aprilx
I said that my hair was a mess. It’s not directly related to being fat, but adds to the general messiness overall. I have very fine, limp, and now thinning hair, and keep it cut to shoulder length. It defies tidy. I had the hair problem long before I got fat (although it wasn’t thinning then).

A friend of mine was obese for years. Now slimmed down due to gastric band, But she always looked really chic. Short hair dyed a good colour. Nice brows, nails etc made her look groomed. She wore well fitting but never tight clothes in bold colours that suited her skin and dark jeans or trousers most of the time. She always had noticeable earrings and pendants so your eye was drawn away from her body shape to her distinctive style.

FWIW she often told me she felt like she was melting and sweaty but she never looked it.

Slim leg trousers or stretchy knee-length skirts and floaty or A-line long tunics seem to work for me, disguising my tummy and thighs. Same colour trousers/tights and shoes/boots to elongate the leg, nice sleeves to disguise flabby arms and patterns on tunic to draw the eye away from lumps and bumps.

I’m lucky with my hair (unless it’s windy weather) but style, fix in place with grips and hairspray would be my recommendation, along with using Green-tone under-foundation before your normal brand, to take away the redness from your face.

As far as getting sweaty goes, I always try to wear natural or breathable (and Lycra-infused, for bottoms) fabrics, and make sure that none of it is too much for the current temperature, then have swing-style light Mac or winter coat over the top of that for outside.

You can look great, while carrying the weight!

You're partly right @ArseInTheCoOpWindow , that it's in our heads and that confidence is key.

I was really interested when you said to check out Cos and Arket, thinking that perhaps there is finally a cool clothing store that caters to plus sizes! Alas, the largest size they stock is a 16. I'm 5.7 and a size 20. I carry my weight well but I'm properly fat. I would absolutely spend the money to wear well-constructed fashionable clothes made out of natural fabrics that breathe but they're few and far between. High street shops specifically fat women stock mostly floral sacks made out of cheap fabrics or long baggy slogan tees. It's horrific!

OP, it's not necessarily your fault that you don't feel put together. Plus size is an afterthought to most fashion brands so it's twice as hard to get the look you're after.

goldfinch "She always had noticeable earrings and pendants so your eye was drawn away from her body shape to her distinctive style."

I don't think that works at all. Did it with necklaces myself for a while but then stopped.

it's all just people's opinions and I will always miss thin me. Interestingly, I bought a Protected Species raincoat when MN had the 50% offer. The number of compliments I have had on that coat! I

always find it alarming that people notice so much in so much detail - I never do. But I certainly get an impression of someone's size.

the coat is not my usual type at all. I would normally wear something more tailored and bought it for practical reasons, but it is interesting how complimented it is, even though I find it very shapeless. Randoms in the supermarket have said "what a lovely coat".

I'm always clean and I make sure I smell nice people remember smells more than images apparently. But I feel ya on the hair mines the same I have LOTS of static. I also have oily skin so my make up is a tram smash by mid afternoon. I've just accepted that this is me and no one really cares as long as I do a good job. If I'm feeling super professional I pop a jacket on rather than my usual cardie

100%, on the confidence I’ve always been big but getting bigger by the day. Time to buck my ideas up!

I know someone very overweight and I think she is gorgeous. She has beautiful long bouncy hair, and perfect skin, eyes and makeup. She also dresses really nicely.

I agree. I’m a 14-16 and no clothes look good on me. Even my makeup looks bad.

Menopause has pushed me to a size 20 which is annoying but a fact. I wera Cos and arket, silkfred for dresses and I always get compliments. I had my colours and styling done about two years ago and now I never make a mistake when shopping

YANBU.

I think, and fully expect to be shot down for saying so, that in the UK and the west particularly, there is an obvious association with being slender and subsequently considered innately classy/stylish. Just look at the royal women for e.g.

Not saying it should be that way.

But it does seem to be that way.