27 years old, parents opening my post

[Lily9915]

Hi just a brief background, I live at home with ds1 and dd2 with my mum and step dad. I was due to move out but relationship broke down. Ever since I have been trying to find appropriate housing but I am on the housing list and it’s just a waiting game. I am in no doubt denying I have debt, but I believe it to be my own problem to deal with. It’s the likes of credit cards, old debts wanting a monthly payment but of course they send letters regularly. I’ve come home from work recently to find that my letters have either been opened or even been confronted by my mum and quizzed on what the debt is and why I have it. Made to feel like a 5 year old. My step dad even took some of my letters to my mum as they arrived from the post man and told her to open them so they can find out who they’re from. Am I being unreasonable to think this is an absolute joke?? With regards to step dad I don’t really get on with him a great deal but for the sake of my mum I make the effort.

Can you open up a post office box and have your change the posting address to there?

If you do that, don't do a redirection notice as that letter will also be sent to the house and your DM and DSD will see it and know the post box address and might try something funny there.

@Lily9915

Contact StepChange.
www.stepchange.org/how-we-help/debt-advice.aspx

Identify where you can cut back expenses.
Nails/ makeup/ hair
Coffee/ cafe
Treats of all kinds/ outings that cost money
Nights out

Work on increasing your payments or consolidating payments or paying a lump sum that is less than what you owe.

Identify a decent catchment area where your children could attend a good school. Look for affordable places to rent there. Choices have to be made here.

You can't have every single thing on your wish list.

Another vote to switch to online communications with your lenders, where possible. Most of them will do that. The NHS etc. won't but it reduces one source of stress.

I know you are paying bills, but you are not paying rent which must put you in a better position than if you were on your own. I would save the difference between the two and work down your debts/increase savings with a view to moving out in the future.

You may have to move schools in order to get housing, unfortunately.

Your stepdad sounds like a creep.
OP you need to get out of there asap. Even if it means changing schools. Let your mom moan. Ignore it all.

Hi @Lily9915
i can really resonate with your post and if you would be so kind would I be able to talk to you not so publicly? This is my first time on this site and I have experienced the exact thing you have. I just don’t feel comfortable telling everyone who comes here my experience but I desperately want to have a chat with someone who understands because my family really don’t. It’s really hard and I know you understand. Again this is my first time here so I’m not sure how it works

Totally unacceptable.

@Realityloom i find it quite worrying you say ‘put up with your children’ it’s family right? And how does your ex husband have any correlation with @Lily9915 situation with her parents and her parents grandkids. The fact you have put laughing face emojis is unacceptable? By sharing you have had an issue with an Ex who isn’t your family for then to find humour in someone potentially being homeless is absurd. Don’t you think that as you say ‘debt can spiral’ it’s important to help out those you love with these problems? Also can’t you see the fact of opening these personal documents and questioning an adult about these documents when even they have their problems that Lilly obviously respects. Instead of being so cold cut throat and judgmental isn’t it best to let the adult open their own post then approach the people they love if they need to? I really can’t understand how your ex doing you over has any correlation to @Lily9915 post?

Hey I’m in a similar place but I can’t work out how to make it better it’s not as simple for me as saying what you said @WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps if you’re online is there a way I can get some advice my first time using this