27 years old, parents opening my post

[Lily9915]

Hi just a brief background, I live at home with ds1 and dd2 with my mum and step dad. I was due to move out but relationship broke down. Ever since I have been trying to find appropriate housing but I am on the housing list and it’s just a waiting game. I am in no doubt denying I have debt, but I believe it to be my own problem to deal with. It’s the likes of credit cards, old debts wanting a monthly payment but of course they send letters regularly. I’ve come home from work recently to find that my letters have either been opened or even been confronted by my mum and quizzed on what the debt is and why I have it. Made to feel like a 5 year old. My step dad even took some of my letters to my mum as they arrived from the post man and told her to open them so they can find out who they’re from. Am I being unreasonable to think this is an absolute joke?? With regards to step dad I don’t really get on with him a great deal but for the sake of my mum I make the effort.

Not unless they share a bank account.

source: I regularly review credit reports as part of my job

I can only imagine how furious my DS would be if I opened his post. I wouldn't dare.
I agree with another poster who said go paper free and make sure everything is online so they can't snoop.

I lived away

@mountainsunsets as I stated after that I did mention the roof over my head which I am grateful for. I do a lot in return to help them out too. But with regards to food, paying for my children I pay for this myself and as I’ve stated I contribute to the bills.

If you're paying them a fair rent and paying for you and your children's proportion of the bills Then they're not financially subsidising you. But it doesn't seem like this is the case?

How old are your children? In your first post I thought they were 1 and 2 but now understand that probably just means 1st and 2nd. But your youngest is only 11 months so that's only one in school - how old is he?
I do understand that opening your mail is awful and inappropriate and illegal. But honestly, living at home, not paying rent (I know you contribute to bills etc), not able to save enough to pay off your debts - I know you said your mum is happy with this situation but the vast majority of parents would not be and your stepdad must (understandably) be very frustrated.
The debt won't impact on your ability to find private rented accommodation (it might impact on your ability to afford the rent). I think you should move to a cheaper area - you only have one child of school age and presumably he is in early primary school so it won't affect him significantly plus other costs like nursery might be cheaper too - and start to become a self reliant adult...

@rageapplied there is no mortgage on the house, it is also nothing to do with my stepdad he just moved in here. And as I’ve said I contribute a fair amount to the bills and buy my own food and the likes.

(3)A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person's detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him.
www.legislation.gov.uk › part
Cross Heading: Offences of interfering with the mail - Postal Services Act 2000

Reasonable excuse
Could be concern about bailiffs coming and removing their tv

Move out
Live your own life
Move area

Your mum and step dad are out of order. From what you describe I can see no justification for what they're doing other than they're nosy fuckers and have no boundaries. It even sounds like your step dad is trying to get your mum to check your phone, it's all just awful. I hope you can get out as soon as you can.

Re the debt - are you able to consolidate it so that the interest payments aren't as high? Go to Citizens Advice or StepChange to see if you can clear it faster by bundling it all into one.

Get a mail redirect to a po box.
www.royalmail.com/receiving/po-box

@Singlebutmarried I also review credit reports for work. Any address with a large volume of defaults, ccjs or bankruptcy will be flagged for further checks in our organisation.

So you're not paying rent. So they are financially subsidising you.

@BackOnTheBandWagon This was more my point, I can understand the concern about debt on my mothers behalf but I would be more inclined to just tell her things if they didn’t snoop which started with a hospital letter. Since I found out they snoop I don’t feel like telling her much. But yes he would love for her to check my phone at the age of 27, he reports to her if I have had a nap or even been downstairs at 2am for a drink. Anything to shit stir. He has always taken a dislike to me and my siblings but we’ve always tried to deal with it.

@rageapplied sorry maybe I could have explained better. There is no mortgage so my mum asked me to just pay a monthly amount to cover everything which I do. But I cannot contribute to rent if there is no rent or mortgage if you see what I mean, I pay a monthly amount and she takes some of that to be ‘rent’ as it doesn’t go on the bills she uses it for herself. She told me this.

I can't believe how many people are defending your parents.

I can. We're probably about 4 posts from a cat's-bum-face and "Why did you have children if you can't afford them".

I would actually look into a short-term redirection - can you do this to a friend's house?

With regards to the living situation, rents are only going up and you're not going to get housed while you live with your mum, so I don't know what to suggest there.

How much would your rent and bills be in a home of your own? Is what you are paying less than that (deduct how much UC would contribute to your rent)?

I feel for you I really do - but you have to appreciate how disruptive having another adult and two kids in the house is surely?

Is asking your mother to make you homeless an option?

I'm getting confused about the situation now. Your first post says you were due to move out but the situation broke down. And your youngest is 11 months. Have you had your children while still living at home?

That’s horrible and illegal. I never opened any mail to my DC not even when they were children. Only if it said “parent or care of DC” did I open it.

Yeah sure, I might hand them their letter and hover to be nosy and ensure it’s not something they need help with. But that’s as far as I would go.

I don’t think they’ll listen to you so I would actually redirect my mail to a work address or a friends address until you move back out. There are also ghost mail companies where mail goes to them, they open and scan it and send it to you digitally the same day they receive it. They’re usually used by businesses but some do it for personal mail too. Your privacy is assured. I think they have packages as low as £19/yr.

I have read the thread - but you aren’t a child anymore and shouldn’t be using the excuse “it’s your childhood home” to still live with your mum & stepdad.
You are 27 and have 2 kids, if you don’t like them illegally opening your post, then move out.
It is that simple actually as if you have no home - you would be homeless with 2 children, therefore I believe you would get something from the council (although that probably depends on the area you’re in) but if not there are loads of private rentals you could get from rightmove etc you would just need a deposit saved, which is difficult when paying off debt - but doable if you plan to move out in a few months time.
If they don’t provide for you financially then you must have the money to afford something as you say you pay your way & are working.
I just don’t think you can complain about the invasion of privacy when still living in your childhood home at 27.

Dear god! Your post about reporting the matter to the Police was clearly twatty and hardly helpful. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The OP is 27 years old and living at her parent’s house with two young children. I’m not really surprised her mum opens the post when she knows her daughter is in debt. and doesn’t appear to have set up a repayment plan with her creditors. She’s probably dreading a visit from the Bailiffs and who can blame her?

The OP needs to prioritise sorting out her debts and moving out, rather than threaten her parents with a visit from the local constabulary, not that they’d be remotely interested.

Bingo!

It’s not an offence. It’s only an offence if the post is opened with intent to defraud.

Clear your debs ASAP, go without if necessary. Living cheaply in your parents home is a massive opportunity to save money.

They don’t provide for me or help me financially, the roof over my head which I’ve said I am grateful for is my childhood home

OF course they do. Without them agreeing to let you stay, you wouldn’t have a home! You are minimising what they do for you.

If you were about to move out but didn’t and your child is only 11 months, what’s actually happened with regards to your housing previously? When did you live our/have children/move in with your mother?

No, I wouldn’t like anyone opening my post, but then I wouldn’t really want my adult children living in my house getting into debt and having more children. You may need to move your child to a school in a more affordable area so you can move out and get a day of your own.

If they don’t provide for you financially then you must have the money to afford something as you say you pay your way & are working.

I don't necessarily agree - paying say £500 to her mum vs. £1200 for a 2 bed flat plus council tax, water, gas and electric usage plus standing charge all yourself is a different kettle of fish.

That said, a single mum of 2 is probably entitled to some help if she is on one relatively low income and receives no maintenance.