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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get so pissed off with the sarcastic sods on here

227 replies

Herecomethesheep · 08/10/2022 18:22

I don’t subscribe to the ‘sarcasm is the lowest form of wit’ view. But on here generally it isn’t funny, it’s either rude, unkind or more usually both.

So someones just started a perfectly harmless thread about a clothes shop and instead of replying ‘oh, did you know they have a petite range, I’ll link you’ we have You do know they have a petite range, right?

Its everywhere. Is it just me who is sick to death of the snark? I mean, sometimes there is help and support and just sometimes a nice chat on here but there’s always someone wanting to be an arse. And WHY don’t MN deal with it?

OP posts:
TheLostNights · 09/10/2022 18:47

Tired of it as well. Just no need for it, don't know how some people sleep of a night. I've had some really hurtful comments as well.

TwoWrightFeet · 09/10/2022 18:51

It’s the pile on threads that I can’t stand. They go on for pages and pages, days and days. People attacking and just saying the same sarcastic thing.

They are usually trying to make out the OP as being some sort of idiot. But if they feel the need to comment the same point as everyone else, on page 15, day 3 of the post, then they can’t be that bright either lol

Original poster
Herecomethesheep · 09/10/2022 19:01

@BIWI - if MN won’t remove the comments and won’t deal with the perpetrators then I’m not totally sure why that’s my fault!

OP posts:
entropynow · 09/10/2022 19:42

gamerchick · 09/10/2022 08:09

There is. It's not a secret.

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Evidence? And just who are we talking about here, because I would bet real money I know what all this dog whistling is about...

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 09/10/2022 20:02

entropynow · 09/10/2022 19:42

Evidence? And just who are we talking about here, because I would bet real money I know what all this dog whistling is about...

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There have certainly been instances in other forums (with screenshots available: I have seen them posted here) of people planning and coordinating attacks on Mumsnet.

bruffin · 09/10/2022 20:11

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 09/10/2022 20:02

There have certainly been instances in other forums (with screenshots available: I have seen them posted here) of people planning and coordinating attacks on Mumsnet.

Show quote history

Mumsnetter also planned an attack on Netmums . It was two posters who thought they ran the weaning boards.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 09/10/2022 21:04

bruffin · 09/10/2022 20:11

Mumsnetter also planned an attack on Netmums . It was two posters who thought they ran the weaning boards.

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My Mancunian Auntie would call them dafties.

AutumnCrow · 09/10/2022 21:09

bruffin · 09/10/2022 20:11

Mumsnetter also planned an attack on Netmums . It was two posters who thought they ran the weaning boards.

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You are shitting me?? Like, the hoards of carrot stick wielders went into squishy pouch Netmums?

Arbesque · 09/10/2022 21:12

TwoWrightFeet · 09/10/2022 18:51

It’s the pile on threads that I can’t stand. They go on for pages and pages, days and days. People attacking and just saying the same sarcastic thing.

They are usually trying to make out the OP as being some sort of idiot. But if they feel the need to comment the same point as everyone else, on page 15, day 3 of the post, then they can’t be that bright either lol

I agree. Posters who behave like that never cover themselves in glory. They come across as unoriginal, nasty and not overly bright.

People whose opinion is not worth worrying about really.

BIWI · 09/10/2022 21:43

ReneBumsWombats · 09/10/2022 18:45

Reports made after about 5pm don't seem to get actioned though, even the next day. You may need to do it again in working hours.

@ReneBumsWombats

I've had it confirmed 'from the horse's mouth' so to speak, that there's someone from MNHQ on duty way past 5pm. And the Night Watch kicks in from 11pm. So there's always someone who will read reports.

WatchoRulo · 09/10/2022 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BIWI · 09/10/2022 21:45

Herecomethesheep · 09/10/2022 19:01

@BIWI - if MN won’t remove the comments and won’t deal with the perpetrators then I’m not totally sure why that’s my fault!

Well, just because you report something doesn't mean it will be deleted, that's for sure. MNHQ will make a judgement as to whether it breaks Talk Guidelines or is 'not in the spirit'.

But that's not to say they won't deal with those that you're reporting. You may not be the only one, which means that the poster you're reporting will likely go on their watch list.

But if you don't report, then none of that will happen.

StarDolphins · 09/10/2022 21:49

I agree O0. I look at some replies that are just shitty for the sake of it. Why even post.

there are some v bitter, unhappy ladies on here I think & probably unable to be shitty IRL so do it here.

AutumnCrow · 09/10/2022 21:59

StarDolphins · 09/10/2022 21:49

I agree O0. I look at some replies that are just shitty for the sake of it. Why even post.

there are some v bitter, unhappy ladies on here I think & probably unable to be shitty IRL so do it here.

I really don't think a lot of them are of the female XX variety tbh.

ReneBumsWombats · 09/10/2022 22:34

AutumnCrow · 09/10/2022 21:59

I really don't think a lot of them are of the female XX variety tbh.

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I think a lot are.

However, it's astonishing how often I see some frothy rant, think "sounds like a classic MRA/incel", check the username and it's something like "AnnabelLouiseImHavingAWomansPeriod".

Moonatics · 10/10/2022 08:10

LondonWolf · 08/10/2022 18:53

You're right. I never thought of it till just now. I mostly blamed it on Twitter and that short, sharp manner of communicating filtering to other platforms, but I think you could be right here. I was listening to an excellent podcast with Helen Joyce this morning and she referenced MN and what a supportive place it was and how the conversations here made a difference more widely and that certain people were threatened by women gathering and talking together in large numbers. I thought about that how that's still true but it's also so much snarkier and gloves off on here than it used to be, and you find yourself doing it too :(

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Since fwr started being more noticed, this place has been invaded. The (obvious now I look back) result was the invaders not sticking to monitoring fwr but going wherever they want. I mean the entire purpose of the monitors is to get mn shut down in its entirety. Women are really not allowed to speak.
Anyway for those bothered by this, I've learned to tell a mans posting style. If you do too, you can ignore those posts. They are here to stir up trouble deliberately, let's not let them.

SlowingDownAndDown · 10/10/2022 11:09

Bunnyfuller · 09/10/2022 10:21

I like the cut and thrust tbh. I also think pointing out Google isn’t being a dick, it’s saying it’s as easy for you to Google as me.

Sometimes it goes OTT, but I find it quite refreshing compared to echo chambers where no one thinks differently or speaks the truth. As a pp said, if the vibe isn’t for you, then probably MN isn’t for you. It definitely used to be much more vicious, and terribly cliquey, the influx from NM has affected that somewhat.

Whats a MRA?

I quite often feel it is an echo chamber though. Often they’re just the orthodoxies of our age that most people endorse but I’m old and I notice.
It is occasionally possible to get past someone’s initial aggression and bring them round far enough to at least see me as human, which is satisfying, but some people are just determined to think the worst.
I do agree that it’s take it or leave it. The guidelines are reasonable and enforced reasonably as far as I know.

Coucous · 10/10/2022 11:45

bruffin · 09/10/2022 20:11

Mumsnetter also planned an attack on Netmums . It was two posters who thought they ran the weaning boards.

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I thought this also happened in relation to Meghan M haters who formed another forum elsewhere to carry on with the hate and denigrating posts. They named changed and would come back to bully people on MN and post all sorts as a group …

SleeplessInEngland · 10/10/2022 11:53

There have been a lot more wind-up threads recently so it's made people on their guard and have less patience for nonsense, sincere or not.

bruffin · 10/10/2022 14:43

Coucous · 10/10/2022 11:45

I thought this also happened in relation to Meghan M haters who formed another forum elsewhere to carry on with the hate and denigrating posts. They named changed and would come back to bully people on MN and post all sorts as a group …

Show quote history

No that what was long before MM

CulturePigeon · 10/10/2022 18:50

WatchoRulo · Yesterday 21:44
GG1986 · Yesterday 18:43
The thread yesterday about the woman telling her husband not to wear a lanyard when driving was shocking! The amount shitty and sarcastic replies, when all the woman was doing was thinking about her husbands safety.
Well a variety of opinions were offered - I happen to agree with those saying she was being a micromanaging arsehole - are you saying only people who agreed with her should be allowed to post?

Surely this is the problem in a nutshell. You might have disagreed with the lanyard poster, but are you really saying it's OK to use a term like 'micro-managing arsehole'?

People who claim to enjoy the robust atmosphere on AIBU always defend their position by saying 'it is what it is, and if you can't cope with people disagreeing with you, keep away'. But disagreeing, even strongly, is not the same as chucking vile insults around. I don't get why people can't tell the difference between a discussion and a shouting match!!!

(On another note, I tend to think that the really nasty people are likely to be miserable saddos in their actual lives. When Mary Beard, the historian, was trolled about her appearance she invited the troll to lunch and he turned out to be the saddest, morbidly obese, greasy pony-tailed incel you could imagine. She ended up feeling sorry for him. People who are secure and happy in themselves don't usually feel the need to be vile to others.)

SlowingDownAndDown · 10/10/2022 18:59

Well said @CulturePigeon!

Valeriekat · 11/10/2022 16:45

INeverSawAPurpleCow · 08/10/2022 18:31

This kind of thing has got a lot worse recently. I do think there's a concerted effort by a large and organised group of people to change the mood and tone on Mumsnet. I know this makes me sound like a complete conspiracy theory. Of course, ordinary Mumsnetters chip in too.

I have thought that too.

Valeriekat · 11/10/2022 16:49

Georgeskitchen · 09/10/2022 00:02

Yes totally agree. The worst perpetrators are those who make nasty comments towards women who are clearly vulnerable and are reaching out for advice

I think they must be men (hope so anyway)

WatchoRulo · 11/10/2022 17:14

Surely this is the problem in a nutshell. You might have disagreed with the lanyard poster, but are you really saying it's OK to use a term like 'micro-managing arsehole'?
Yes I am; why is that not OK with you?