To get so pissed off with the sarcastic sods on here

[Herecomethesheep]

I don’t subscribe to the ‘sarcasm is the lowest form of wit’ view. But on here generally it isn’t funny, it’s either rude, unkind or more usually both.

So someones just started a perfectly harmless thread about a clothes shop and instead of replying ‘oh, did you know they have a petite range, I’ll link you’ we have You do know they have a petite range, right?

Its everywhere. Is it just me who is sick to death of the snark? I mean, sometimes there is help and support and just sometimes a nice chat on here but there’s always someone wanting to be an arse. And WHY don’t MN deal with it?

I always wonder if people who say how mumsnet used to be a lovely, supportive place and now it's much nastier have read any really old threads recently. The feeding threads used to be SO much nastier - there were people outrightly saying that formula feeding was lazy and so on, in a way that's considered unacceptable now. If you think recent SAHM vs WOHM threads are unpleasant try reading ones from the early days of mumsnet. Recently I advance searched a particular poster to find a particular thread and instead found one from about 2008 where someone had started a thread - a whole thread - to criticize this particular, named poster for working full-time and saying how sad it was that she saw so little of her children. MN definitely didn't use to be all lovely women supporting women.

It didn’t and I think a lot of the ‘flaws’ if you like from the earlier days have gone. In particular the mwah how ARE you shite that would infiltrate threads.

I think the main problem now is that some posters do actually try to emulate withering scorn and biting, acerbic wit into their posts but they aren’t very bright, so it just comes over as unbelievably rude. Not that I’m a huge fan of withering scorn or biting wit either but if someone absolutely must be a twat, it’s preferable to be a funny twat, I suppose.

I think some people have been socialised to behave that way, sometimes I also think that people wake up grumpy and it's an easy outlet to be a bit snarky to someone you will never meet.

Once you get away with it once, it's that much easier to do it again. The feedback loop goes on until it's a default way of thinking.

I left for a bit as I couldn’t stand the sarcasm and passive aggression. I try to ignore it now. It is rubbish though.

Its interesting that male dominated forums don't have the same level of snark.

Male dominated forums were the only ones where I got rape and death threats, was accused of being fat all the time and got many, many references to my genitals and how unappealing and disease-ridden they must be. Someone attempted to doxx me and ended up harassing some innocent woman somewhere.

It was less passive aggressive, I suppose, but I can't say I preferred it.

Some people just love putting other people down. Their automatic response to any new thread is to try and make the op feel bad. They rarely have a problem in getting a feew equally bitter people to jump right in behind them.

They also don't have much wit or imagination and just trot out the same worn out phrases 'here's a grip' 'clutching my pearls' etc.

I think it is the AIBU thread more particularly. You get a different breed of mumsnetters.

Post the same question in another section and you'd be met with lovely replies.

I once had to get an admin delete done as I was extremely vulnerable and it was affecting my MH as I was pregnant and in a total shit show. I didn't come back on for nearly a year.

Yeah, you’re right, you’re not a nut; and I know who you mean.

We also have the usual few lazy journalists stoking a story.

I’ll more often advise an OP these days on AIBU to move across to another board (eg Relationships, General Health) where reports of arseholery are more likely to be taken seriously.

AIBU as a board is less engaging than it used to be, that’s for sure.

I'm wondering if it's because most people who have been here at least a while have been taken in by troll threads and posted well meant advice only to find it was a piss take. It starts to make you cynical about whatever you read on here and I think it's made some people nasty and snarky to everyone.

The first reply just shapes everything.

If it’s kind and supportive, or funny, then the rest follows suit.

If it’s rude and snarky that sets the tone.

I posted about my mother and the conflict I was having over my feelings for her. She and my father were abusive and neglectful (both dead now) and I was struggling as I hated her more. My father was the more violent one, but she would wind him up exaggerating things we’d supposedly done. Basically setting up her own children knowing what he was like.
The first poster had a pop as “you only get one mum and he was probably horrible to her too” and the rest followed suit.
Yet on other threads of the first post was supportive the thread generally stayed supportive/kind.

Agree with the first reply thing, its pathetic but maybe we're all more sheep like than we want to admit.

Here’s the first reply to someone who is a bit upset at having her friend bail on her

You are not being unreasonable. Fancy not putting 'your highness' on the end of her message.

Why should your friends life revolve around you?

in fairness a lot of posters have pulled her up on it but still - who thinks that’s funny?

Been close to just deleting my account these days but there are some supportive threads with such kind people I feel bad to leave but some of these remarks are absolutely shitty. Just can't fathom it to be honest. Also I am pretty sure the majority of MN are of the same type (can't really say more then I'll be accused of something else) and I can't understand anything now. Love for someone to say well don't let the door kick you on the way out or flouncers corner is over there etc. I genuinely am not leaving because of some of the supportive groups. And I don't want to hide ALL the topics haha

There is. It's not a secret.

It's always been like that, I've been around for 15 years and it was just as bad back then.

I was just about to quote that very response.

A perfect example of someone being sarcastic and snarky in response to a perfectly innocuous question.

I’ve noticed that mostly on AIBU, the first posters response seems to dictate whether the poster is deemed at reasonable/unreasonable, no matter what. Even when I’ve seen identical threads. I think it’s because too many people only read the last 2/3 posts and just jump on the bandwagon.

Yes it’s weird and people pick up on odd things just to be shitty. I posted about a man barging into a toilet and someone put “did you lock the door”. Needlessly shitty because if I’d been dumb enough to leave the door open I wouldn’t really have posted.

I do found it weird how some threads will be fine, the odd shitty comment but generally "normal" responses & then another thread becomes a pile on. For example the OP will write about answering the door at dinnertime & posters will hone in on the fact the OP said dinner and not supper & then invariably this means the OPs marriage will fail/her friends aren't really her friends/her dc will need therapy. It's bizarre!

@INeverSawAPurpleCow I am very intrigued! I can't think of any one/any group who would bother/find it worthwhile to change the tone of Mumsnet. Discredit or attack, maybe, but tone - changing seems too subtle. If you are able to elaborate, I am interested and not necessarily discounting your theory.

I must say I don't think it's nastier now than in 2008 or 2014, say - I think it was cliqueier then and very 'insy'.

O agree with a previous poster. Some people don't understand the difference between wit and rudeness and post what they think are scintillating or hilarious responses, when in fact they just come across as bad mannered and bitter.

The MRAs. They came on the attack, then went for the advertisers trying to cripple the site financially. Now they're here to chase away the product. Us.

You don't have to believe it though. But they're here.

You'll find that when times are tough the most feeble minded start to behave in a hostile way towards one another. It's the same reason that mane motororists have been so aggressive for a while now too.

Oh, loads of them, without a doubt. Often with flowery feminine usernames.

I've definitely noticed a lot more Wanky responses on here than usual. I really don't know what's up with people?

Are we all just fed up, skint from higher bills so taking it out on everyone around us? Even so there's really no excuse for it.