To ask you to teach your boys that yes means yes

[HuzzahIndeed]

I know "no means no" comes from the right place but it implies that consent is always there and has to be removed.

That isn't true. Consent isn't the default position eg if a woman is too drunk to say no, then it doesn't mean she is saying yes.

So can I ask you to teach your boys that if it isn't an enthusiastic yes then they do not have consent and must stop.

I will be telling my girls that they must give consent, not remove it. Boys/men must be told the same.

Just to add that the law does recognise male rape (penetration) as in male on male rape. Given that the vast majority of people who carry out sexual assaults are male, men are much more likely to be sexually assaulted (and raped) by another male, than they are to be forced into intercourse by a female.

In my own personal experiance of parenting two older teenage sons it's been the girls that have behaved in a much more bolder and forward way, so l am always a little bemused at these types of threads, obviously we are all aware of the importance of consent, but l do think mothers of girls can be very naieve at times.

That was in relation to the 'women can assault men too' comments. Yes they can, but the vast majority of men and women who are sexually assaulted are assaulted by men.

God I really can't stand "pick me" women 🤮

Oh I'm so betting that OP isn't a mother of boys.

However I'm one of those magical [SARCASM] mothers who is a mother to children of both sexes. AND (check me out) I've been raped and sexually assaulted multiple times with resulting PTSD.

So I think I tick all the boxes of everything OP is wanting to talk about here.

And I can tell you that, yes, I teach my DS about bodily autonomy, as I do with DD.

What I can't abide are the mothers of daughters who talk about my child, based on his sex, like he's a rapist-in-waiting. I know very well the stats. I live with the impact of those stats daily. But approaching the raising of boys like they're all one day out to get your precious DDs is quite abhorrent. Are we supposed to treat our DSs like potential rapists?! Seriously?

It's important that all children know about boundaries and consent. But it's also important to teach our girls what it is to be treated respectfully so when they come across assholes, they're not colourblind to the bright red flags waving right in front of their faces. And raising them to believe that they can do no wrong, that they're perfect little princesses and the boys are bad/noisy/rough/messy etc (I've personally witnessed this exact situation) doesn't set girls up for anything good in life. And that's not the fault of boys/men.

So as a rape survivor and mother of both sexes, my advice to mothers of daughters who see my DS as their DD's potential rapist: focus on raising your own kids.

This thread has been derailed like every post on social media with the "men get sexually assaulted too comments". Yes, they do, but the overwhelming majority of rape and sexual assault is against women. Start your own thread
about sexual assault against men. Women should be allowed to talk about this without the pick me comments. Your daughters are overwhelming more likely to be a victim and your sons are overwhelming more likely to be a perpetrator than your daughters. Yes means yes
is unnecessary, as no means no is clear enough. What can start off as a yes, can become a no and that's ok. Consent can be withdrawn.

*overwhelmingly

All teenagers should watch m.youtube.com/watch?v=pZwvrxVavnQ

You do rather seem to have arrogated to yourself the right to tell everyone else how to parent... Do you have any particular training in, say, child and adolescent psychology?

Why can't the conversation be about consent whatever the sex of either party is?

I don't like the implications of "yes means yes", it has undertones of entitlement if there has been a yes at some point-it makes it absolute somehow. I might say yes at one point, but it might hurt, it might not feel right, i might not have been fully aware of the intent behind the question when I said yes.

No, on the other hand, is an absolute. If I say no, I mean No. So if we have to pick between yes means yes and no means no, I would choose the latter.

Both my boys have simply been taught about respect, boundaries and healthy relationships. They understand consent, as well as more complex issues like the objectification of women in the media and how this is not a realistic portrayal of women.

I dont oversimplify complex issues with 3 word lessons.