Too old, too fat?

[WoofWoofMooWoof]

I need somewhere to rant. I went for a job interview today at my DC's school - they know me there. I do what I can to help the school out whenever I am able. It is an Ofsted outstanding school and I've always had the biggest respect for the teachers there.

There are two positions and they only interviewed three people. It was an 'interview day' where we had a tour of the school, met the team etc, and were then interviewed separately. The whole thing took three hours. Me and another lady did the interview day together and the third lady was interviewed later, after school, so I didn't get to meet her. The other lady and I had quite a bit of time alone together in the staff room and we chatted a lot. She owned a restaurant which she sold to open a wine bar, and she only wanted the job so she wouldn't be bored during the day when the bar isn't open. She's never even been to the school before. I am a single mother desperate to find a job so I can feed my kids who are pupils at the school.

However, I am 51 and fat, and she's in her 40s, pretty and slender.

I thought the interview went very well (despite me having bad side effects from my second Covid booster earlier in the week).

Got a phone call from the head teacher this evening saying that I am employable, but I was unsuccessful because the other candidates were stronger and had experience working in a school. This despite the fact that I have 32 years admin experience and the other lady owns a bloody wine bar!

AIBU to be totally pissed off at him blatantly lying to me? To me it's very obvious they've decided to hire the younger, prettier model?

AIBU to have lost all respect for the school and the head?

May be a lucky escape. Working in the same school as your DC isn’t a great idea. Loads of schools have vacancies for support staff.

It's been suggested by me and others that the OP seeks feedback about her interview performance but she hasn't said she plans to do so.

Owning a restaurant and wine bar involves a lot of admin and business sense. She might also have just been a better fit with the existing team, in terms of personality and attitude.

I think to assume it's because you're (in your own words) 'old and fat' is quite the stretch. That says more about how you feel about yourself rather than how others perceive you. If you're projecting 'old and fat vibes' then people are going to pick up on your own lack of confidence and then it becomes an endless circle of rejection.

News flash...it's possible to be 'old and fat' and really happy and comfortable in your own skin. If you truly feel that badly about yourself, why not get some help with those feelings? It just might transform your approach to life. 😊

Second the advice about consulting a life or interview coach. Or start a thread here in another section for advice.

So its not just me wondering that!

When complaining about a poster's SPAG it is prudent to check your own before posting.

What did you wear to your interview op? I once went to an interview where there were 2 jobs and 2 candidates. The other candidarw was onlder than me ans didn't get offered a job. She was quite bitter but she had turned up for a professional job interview wearing jeans a checked shirt and bright red hair. She was also very nervous and did not come across well on the day.

It’s your attitude, certainly not your age. You’re not that old. My DH conducts interviews regularly and the number 1 priority for them after relevant qualifications ( it’s a specific kind of job with essential skills required ) is whether the person would fit in with everyone else, their overall attitude and personality. It makes a huge difference to employers. You’re coming across badly here, so I think you probably have in the interview. If you’ve had a lot to do with school then maybe they know you and don’t think you’ll fit for them. You seem to think you’re entitled to the job over the other woman because ‘you need it’ and I also get the feeling you dislike the woman you met. If you displayed even an ounce of the attitude you have here in the interview, nobody would employ you. Certainly not in a pastoral role where you want the kindest, least judgmental people. Lose the chip on your shoulder and stop being so entitled and you might just get a job.

Yes. It was a question on the application.

I'm amazed 2 school roles only had 3 interviewable candidates....

@LeafHunter

Surely at this stage it’s that the parent wants their child to come to the school next year - places aren’t confirmed for September 23 entry yet here so I thought that was the case everywhere.

We're rural and it's the only school (apart from one private one) in the whole area (hence a very big school), so if you live in the area it's the only place your kids can go and they will get a place there.

Sorry you didn't get the job OP, and I agree with pp who say there is research that attractive people can be offered more opportunities, but employers should have protocol to be above these things. It probably happens on an unconscious level, would never be admitted and we'll never know. I have a suggestion for another employer re admin - could be worth trying the Police for an admin role; they have flexible working hours etc.

I worked as a lunch time assistant in my dc's school and applied for a job in their library. I didn't know who else was applying and it turned out there were 3 of us and the school secretary, due to retire, got the job. School secretary knew I was applying and probably even read my applicaton. I got caught up in their politics as she said the Head didn't want her to get the job, but the Head didn't do the interviews; I had to keep my head down and say nothing, bit uncomfortable with my dc there.

I was told during feedback that as I was "up against xxxx" there was no chance for me, but apparently I would be employable in another school. In another school I was turned down, and noticed the job was only up for a couple of days, presumably they had to advertise it. I found out a parent known to the school was offered the job. I am not saying they are all the same. I have now moved on from wanting a job in a school as my dc are teenagers.

Getting a support job in a school seems to be ridiculously competitive, with many very experienced and over qualified people applying. They have their pick and those who get the role find themselves working longer than their hours for nothing helping with preparation (as teachers do - incredibly stressful and hard work, I have massive respect for them....).

Wow, thanks for that. I'm assuming your state of mind is wonderful when you're feeling like death warmed up? That you come across as all chirpy and bubbly when you feel like crap? If so, good for you - the rest of the world doesn't work that way - we're only human.

As far as my grammar goes, what on earth are you talking about?

I do what I can to help the school out whenever I am able
This stuck out for me. I've worked for an organisation that had paid roles and volunteer roles. The volunteers rarely seemed to be able to transition to the paid roles. The undertone was why would we pay you when you're already willing to help for free?

It’s tough when you don’t get a job but the fact is the other 2 ladies were better candidates than you. Owning your own business does mean you need a lot of skills which are going to be transferable to the school role. Brush it off and look for the next one. It’s not easy but I’ve been helping a friend lately with finding another role (she is employed already, but needed to move areas so had to apply jobs in same organisation in the new area) and she got so many knock backs. She was eventually rewarded with a double promotion which is pretty rare. I know it’s hard when you’re not in work but keep applying.

if you do want to lose weight then keep going, you’ll feel so much better in yourself and that will come across in things like interviews

In my experience, being approachable trumps being slim and pretty.

Hand on heart, do you come across as friendly and approachable?

Sorry that you didn’t get the job OP, I do think it is fair to say that interviewers can be unconsciously biased against very overweight people. That’s why most big companies make hiring managers do unconscious bias training.

However, as a hiring manager I would be really annoyed if a candidate came to an interview with obvious Covid or Flu symptoms. It doesn’t show good sense or consideration for the panel or other staff you would meet in the school.

Qualified therapist? Sure you are. That’s why you pulled that crazy stunt with a knife in front of your child.

WTAF!
Okay we have a winner so Im off.

Politely -I dont think the Op is suitable for a role in pastoral care or the safeguarding that involves.

I don't know why everyone is trying to be 'reasonable' but actually just saying unsympathetic things. I think, in my experience, you're probably right that the school has been superficial and I'm really sorry for it. I hope you find a more deserving job soon. Best wishes

If the job was an all day thing at the school, I guarantee they will also have been looking at how you behaved throughout the day, how you interacted with others including other candidates etc and this will have counted towards the overall decision.
I have interviewed a lot of candidates for the public sector and while your relevant experience/transferable skills get you to the interview stage, this isn’t everything in the interview.

Interviews allow you to expand on that experience using examples to back it up. You should always look at the schools values and incorporate these into your answers.

When I have interviewed people if someone comes across as warm and smiling and I guess humble, if that’s the right word, this just makes you more receptive to them. Of course we always allow for nerves or shyness etc but if you come across as entitled thinking you should just be handed the job because of your experience, surly, or full of excuses/attitude then it will be likely you will bring that to the role and it puts people off. Other people may not have had as much experience but have transferrable skills, and seem like they’d be willing and a good fit with the team, they’d be getting the job. Oh and I have also given jobs to women who were likely your age and overweight and had been out of work for a bit.

I’ve always been told I come across great at interview. I get nervous but I smile I’m warm and I interact with the interviewers. I think you need to have a good think about the way you come across because as others have said you don’t come across well at all on this thread. And I also wouldn’t have mentioned feeling ill, it just puts a negative tone on the interview before it’s even started and does sound like an excuse (I’m sorry) I personally just don’t think it’s professional. Also think about how you have actually answered the questions, maybe you didn’t answer as well as you thought.

She's not coming across badly. You're coming across badly.

OP it sounds like you're massively over-qualified to be a TA & maybe they took that into account, thinking you'd be moving onto better things fairly quickly.
I'd focus on the therapy side of things? Are you qualified as a counsellor, or a different type of therapists? All MH professionals I know are having to turn away clients they're so snowed under with work, so it'd be pretty easy to set up in business independently and I think you'd build up a client base very quickly in the current climate. It'd earn way more than a TA as well. Being self-employed would mean you could fit your work around your own kids too.

Have you ever applied for a job waitrose? What’s your take on perfect pairing?
you didn’t get the job because you are too much work.

That incident happened many years ago, and life has moved on since then you know. Perhaps you've never had to deal with an autistic child and been driven to the edge by the behaviour? If so, lucky you. It was the one and only time I lost control like that, and it hasn't happened since and never will again.

I was working as a photographer and doing people's makeup - I hardly earned enough to pay for a week's worth of shopping, but at least I did something.

Would you like to see a copy of my three diplomas?

If your a size 26

What unfortunate grammar 😂

Seriously though OP. Chill out a bit. As PPs have said your feelings of being judged on your appearance seem to be taking over your thoughts. It won't end well if you keep convincing yourself the world is out to get you.