Too old, too fat?

[WoofWoofMooWoof]

I need somewhere to rant. I went for a job interview today at my DC's school - they know me there. I do what I can to help the school out whenever I am able. It is an Ofsted outstanding school and I've always had the biggest respect for the teachers there.

There are two positions and they only interviewed three people. It was an 'interview day' where we had a tour of the school, met the team etc, and were then interviewed separately. The whole thing took three hours. Me and another lady did the interview day together and the third lady was interviewed later, after school, so I didn't get to meet her. The other lady and I had quite a bit of time alone together in the staff room and we chatted a lot. She owned a restaurant which she sold to open a wine bar, and she only wanted the job so she wouldn't be bored during the day when the bar isn't open. She's never even been to the school before. I am a single mother desperate to find a job so I can feed my kids who are pupils at the school.

However, I am 51 and fat, and she's in her 40s, pretty and slender.

I thought the interview went very well (despite me having bad side effects from my second Covid booster earlier in the week).

Got a phone call from the head teacher this evening saying that I am employable, but I was unsuccessful because the other candidates were stronger and had experience working in a school. This despite the fact that I have 32 years admin experience and the other lady owns a bloody wine bar!

AIBU to be totally pissed off at him blatantly lying to me? To me it's very obvious they've decided to hire the younger, prettier model?

AIBU to have lost all respect for the school and the head?

I need somewhere to rant. I went for a job interview today at my DC's school - they know me there. I do what I can to help the school out whenever I am able. It is an Ofsted outstanding school and I've always had the biggest respect for the teachers there.

What do you do to help the school? In what capacity? I'm asking because it might be connected to that in some way, rather than your physical appearance.

Though if you say it's happening in other job interview applications then I'm not sure.

And to those who asked - the wine bar lady does have a child, a few years younger than mine, and will be coming to this school next year.

They contacted referees before interview.

It's not a small school - there are around 2,000 pupils.

It's not a front/public facing role, although it would involve talking to parents on the phone.

She didn't say she never worked in school tho.

From op's own words, the other women never been in this school and op thinks she never worked outside of the businesses

I would avoid even applying for jobs in schools. They seem to have really onerous application forms etc. and then rarely interview you ( in my case), although I haven't experienced this to anywhere near the same extent with businesses. What does seem strange to me in your case OP is that the owner of a wine bar has so much free time. As a business owner, I'd have thought there'd be heaps to do even when closed ( accounts, ordering, cleaning, planning events etc. advertising...)

It sounds like you are completely overqualified for the job anyway. Just believe that it was not for you and something better will be coming your way. I'm so thankful I didnt get certain jobs along the way in my career, despite being upset at the time. Looking back they wouldn't have been right for me and things have definitely turned out for the best.

Good manager, shortened opening hours, buhospitality suffering but you really wouldn't go and tell strangers "we are getting hit and I am gwtting bit worried tbh, hence the job".

Or she just has good manager and fancies change.

What do you do to help the school? In what capacity?

I do things like volunteer to help with Covid testing (2,000 pupils take a lot of volunteers). I help out with functions etc.

And what I have isn't Covid - I did a test before I left for the interview.

To the person who seemed shocked that I went for an interview when my kids have flu - do you have any idea whatsoever how difficult it is at my age to even get called for interview? If you get one you attend.

If this woman said she had never worked in a school and the head said she had more experience of working in a school than WoofWoofMooWoof then it is a lie.

This is all hearsay.

The person appointing an employee can say what they like. It would be silly to lie if that is really what happened.

But they could hardly say 'sorry. your face just doesn't fit'.

Which is more likely the truth.

IMO I'd not have gone for an interview feeling unwell. I'd have asked for a reschedule. Trying to 'excuse' your interview performance on the day by referring to vaccine side effects can come over as being a bit wimpish.

Many people would just tough it out having taken some paracetamol, and put on a brave face.

Either the OP was well enough to attend, or not. Attending but then saying you weren't 100% well is not a good idea.

@WoofWoofMooWoof If I were you and had a best friend, I'd ask them for an honest opinion of your people skills. They mayb give you some hints.

Is there the possibility you are too serious? Too intense? No sense of humour? Talk too loudly or mumble? Talk too much or too fast? Bad listener? Badly dressed?

All of these (or none) could be reasons for you not being successful at interviews.

Surely at this stage it’s that the parent wants their child to come to the school next year - places aren’t confirmed for September 23 entry yet here so I thought that was the case everywhere.

do you have any idea whatsoever how difficult it is at my age to even get called for interview? If you get one you attend.

Yes, but then you shouldn't have told them you felt unwell.
It could come over as wanting the sympathy vote and trying to excuse a poor interview performance.

You seem to have an age issue.

51 is nothing these days. Employers prefer older women as they are not going to be off having babies, and older women are usually more reliable.

If the job was part of the pastoral team, how is the 25 years admin experience any more relevant than running a business? You made it sound as if you were going for a job in the office.

Sorry to hear you didn't get the job.

Do you feel they judged your weight to mean that you were likely to have health issues because of it?

OP, you probably were the best person suited for the post, I don't think your being unreasonable with your thoughts under the circumstances and the interview set up..and certainly in the past I've had similar suspicions! ( once I saw a scoring sheet for an interview where I was successful..I was marked out of 5 for 10 catagories. I got 5 for everything apart from appearance where I got a 3! I was dressed exactly the same as other candidates in a simple suit, but I was the over weight one! ) I was devastated. But I got it?

However I've recruited before, and a few things stand out..

After the last few years, to step foot in a school unwell with anything, shows a serious lack of judgement and consideration for others. You told them it was a covid jab. ( they may not have accepted that ) but you have also admitted you have flu on the house. And flu kills more kids than covid. It was a school. And yes the brain fog and energy may have let you down.

You don't mention wether the other candidates were parents, but if not, that also may have let you down. It's a huge conflict of interest to work where your children are. I'm certainly not comfortable with other parents having access to mine and my child's data.

I'm sorry you didn't get the job, and It's really easy to assume your being stereotyped about things you can't control ( we all do it after such disappointments ) But it's very likely in this case you wernt.

Onwards and up - hope your household gets well soon. 🙂

If the job was part of the pastoral team

where does the OP say that?

@Gemmanorthdevon The school would have known I assume that the OP had children there before the called her for an interview.

Having looked at some of your other threads recently I’m confused and mildly concerned that you’re also a therapist. Maybe MN saw your posts about other children (calling them “horrible child” and “brat”)and thought you might not be suited for a pastoral role?!

@JuliaDorneys

If it has happened loads, perhaps it's down to interview technique, maybe you don't interview as well as you think you do.

What makes people ‘look better’ though?

It comes down to more than size and symmetrical, attractive facial features. It’s about presentation and manner. A conventionally less attractive person will come across better than a more attractive one if they are smiley and friendly and open and the other is sullen and giving off bad vibes.

If it keeps happening I'd think about your interview style. Perhaps you aren't conveying all this experience you have.

The type of person who focuses on the other candidates and nitpicks about their capability/ looks is not a good candidate, particularily if they feel they are known so should get the job, rookie error imho

You always attend polite and professional, dont moan on about covid jabs etc
It all sounds very unprofessional and I can see why they didnt appoint you just from what you are saying here.
Focus on yourself and your skills not the other candidates.
Why do you feel knocking them down will work in your favour, its awful behaviour.

When were you last employed Op?
All though you say you are highly qualified, often they are looking for experience.
Can you access an interview coach through the job centre and get them to give you honest feedback?

In my experience schools employ the person who will fit in best with the team. This doesn’t mean the most outgoing or best looking - it could be someone really quiet but who has the mix of skills and personality that will work best with the other people.

I’d not want someone working with my children who was so embittered and whose grammar was so unfortunate - particularly in an outward facing role. They need someone upbeat, empathetic, articulate and kind. Not someone chippy.
It’s nothing to do with age.
If your a size 26, it might be partly related to obesity- fat people are discriminated against, undoubtedly but you can change that instead of thinking the world owes you and it’s not fair someone was better than you.

I'm sorry you didn't get the job and I can understand your frustration. I don't think there would have been any conscious decision made on weight and age; I imagine the school would have asked you all the same questions, scored your responses and given the jobs to the two highest scorers - you might have been piped to the post by a tiny margin!

Did the scorers show unconscious bias and give younger, slimmer candidates slightly higher scores? It's possible OP but something you are never likely to be able to prove. We know bias towards prettier people exists but if you had clearly been the better candidate with your answers I'm sure you would have been offered the job - I suspect it would have been a tiny margin and nothing anyone would have had any conscious awareness of.

It sounds like you have good experience behind you so fingers crossed for the next one.

If its not in policy to not recruit parents, and she is involved with the school anyway, it would have been really really hard for them to justify not interviewing her 🤷🏼‍♀️

Should she have aced it they may have taken the plunge...but she didn't ace it, she came in symptomatic of something viral, and she was a parent with 2 x children in same year...