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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH could do this as one off

149 replies

Runrunlikethewind · 07/10/2022 22:43

I’ve got to be in work next Thursday at 5am as a one off due to us hosting an early morning film shoot (I work in PR). It’s not a regular thing, it’s a one off. DH is kicking off about having to sort the kids out that morning and take them to school before he goes to work. Aibu to think he should just get on with it as a one off? I have to sort the kids out and take them to school before work every morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Runrunlikethewind · 08/10/2022 08:18

BitOutOfPractice · 08/10/2022 07:40

You know what’ll happen op. He’ll take umbrage that you’ve (quite correctly) asked someone else to come in and do it because “he never said he wouldn’t”. He’s an arsehole but I’m guessing you’re working that out.

hood luck with the event. I hope it goes brilliantly. <PR solidarity>

Well to be honest he can take umbrage all he wants lol! He had the chance to help and said no so I got someone in who was willing to help. And thank you for the good luck <PR solidarity>

OP posts:
Clymene · 08/10/2022 08:18

What a douche.

LannieDuck · 08/10/2022 08:18

mellongoose · 08/10/2022 01:54

He's being an arse.

I'm stubborn. So at this point I would be arranging for someone else to come into my home (my sister or someone he's not used to and will do me a brilliant favour) that morning to make a lot of cheery noise and get the kids off to school.

Would hopefully show him up!

What's this supposed to show him other than that men don't have to do childcare, and OP will find another women to do it instead?

You really think he's going to care that there's someone else sorting out the kids in the morning so he can get off to work as normal?

Noteverybodylives · 08/10/2022 08:25

YANBU

He’s their step dad.
If you don’t want responsibility of children, don’t get into a relationship with someone with children.

Does he have kids?
If so, do you ever watch his kids?

VladmirsPoutine · 08/10/2022 08:27

I'm not being dramatic but this would make me reconsider the whole marriage. Does he do anything else with your children? If he sees the kids as 'yours' and nothing to do with him then what's the point of a shared life together? I don't think this is the first instance in which you find yourself wondering why you can't rely on him.

oviraptor21 · 08/10/2022 08:29

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2022 01:30

He is being very unreasonable. I was also one of the posters, who thought the op should take her stepkids for the night when their nurse mother was called into work.

This was a slightly different situation anyway. The OP there was being asked to help out her DP's ex, not her DP.

pictish · 08/10/2022 08:31

If nothing else this has shown you that he’s not on your team, he’s all for himself and what you can provide for him. Selfish.

HollyJollyXmas57 · 08/10/2022 08:33

Where is their dad?
Can they not sleep round his for a night and he takes them to school?

billy1966 · 08/10/2022 08:38

Why have you moved in and married a man who views your children as so disconnected from him and kicks off at being asked for a one off bit of help?

Your poor children living with your bad choices.

You need to have a hard look at this waster and your decision to marry him.

You clearly can't have been putting your childrens needs first moving a waster like him in.

ghosthunter2022 · 08/10/2022 08:38

Has he even said he won’t do it or is he just grumbling? If he’s grumbling but will do it then fair enough, he’s allowed to grumble but as long as he actually still does it then I think that’s good enough.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 08/10/2022 08:41

pinkpanel · 07/10/2022 23:15

1000's posts like this on the step parents thread where the step mum has moaned about being asked to do things for SC. Almost every response is to tell them to do absolutely nothing, not their responsibility etc and claiming that the dads are only with them for free childcare etc

Fwiw I personally think your DP is being a dickhead bit just frustrated at the double standards in the threads depending on whether it's a step mum or stepdad

This.

LondonLovie · 08/10/2022 08:45

Why is it a one off? Should be spilt 50/50 as much as is physically possible )work situations depending).

I'm so tired of hearing women being taken for a ride. How can we tell our daughters to reach for the stars if they see such inequality in their own home? How are our sons going to grow up appreciating women as equals if they see Mum running around like a headless chicken all the time and Dad not pulling his weight. I really really despair.

Not on my watch, not in my family.

missbipolar · 08/10/2022 08:47

I do love how when it's a sm on here she's told its not her responsibility to sort his kids but when it's a step dad he must do it

bloodyunicorns · 08/10/2022 08:47

Glad that you're sorting it!

Is he usually this selfish? Do you do things/favours for each other? Maybe this is time to stop..,

Hope your PR event goes well!

Original poster
Runrunlikethewind · 08/10/2022 08:48

My friend has agreed to do it now, just told DH and he’s backtracking on saying he won’t do it now

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 08/10/2022 08:51

Runrunlikethewind · 08/10/2022 08:48

My friend has agreed to do it now, just told DH and he’s backtracking on saying he won’t do it now

Funny old thing.... Don't back down. He needs to realise that when random things like this come up it's a team effort!! Show him up....

LumpyandBumps · 08/10/2022 08:53

I am normally firmly in the camp of disagreeing with stepmothers being expected to take on more responsibility than the actual parents.
The situation in this case is different as it’s a one off request, irrespective of whether the step parent is male or female.
I don’t consider this to be a double standard.
Maybe, however, in this case the DH is objecting to being told he has to do this ( as the OP states ‘having’ to take them) rather than be asked.

HollyJollyXmas57 · 08/10/2022 08:53

LondonLovie · 08/10/2022 08:45

Why is it a one off? Should be spilt 50/50 as much as is physically possible )work situations depending).

I'm so tired of hearing women being taken for a ride. How can we tell our daughters to reach for the stars if they see such inequality in their own home? How are our sons going to grow up appreciating women as equals if they see Mum running around like a headless chicken all the time and Dad not pulling his weight. I really really despair.

Not on my watch, not in my family.

Have you read the thread properly?

They are not her partners kids. So why would it be 50/50!

Youdoyoutoday · 08/10/2022 08:54

To me it doesn't matter if the kids are his or not, he's moved in with your therefore needs to pull his weight. You're now a family unit regardless of DNA. Moving in with a family brings responsibilities so he should definitely be doing this without moaning.

MangoBiscuit · 08/10/2022 08:56

They're not his kids, so I do understand the whole, it's not his responsibilty thing. So you're not unreasonable to ask, and he's not unreasonable to refuse. He is, however, being very unreasonable to kick off about being asked, that's childish at best. Also, although he's well within his rights to refuse, I would be questionning what sort of relationship I was in if my spouse wouldn't help out as a one off. My DP lives withs my 2 DDs and I, and when I've been utterly stuck (couldn't drive, broken bone) he's asked his boss, come home mid-shift, done the school run, and headed back into work. We are a team. If he couldn't have helped, he wouldn't have bitched about it.

Georgeskitchen · 08/10/2022 08:57

Why wouldn't he help you Out? He knew you had children when you met, you didn't just suddenly produce them out of a cupboard one day!!. If he's not prepared to put himself out just once, to help you out, I would be showing him the door.

rainbowstardrops · 08/10/2022 08:59

Well isn't he just a peach. I could understand it if it was going to be a regular thing but not a one off when he has to get up for work anyway!!!

Just out of interest, how old are your children?

Tomorrowisalatterday · 08/10/2022 09:00

I wonder if it's about how you asked. We share pick ups and drop offs because they are both our kids - but if we need to swap, we ask each other nicely and accept a no if it doesn't work. If my DH said "you'll have to" I don't know that I would feel like obliging.

Original poster
Runrunlikethewind · 08/10/2022 09:01

rainbowstardrops · 08/10/2022 08:59

Well isn't he just a peach. I could understand it if it was going to be a regular thing but not a one off when he has to get up for work anyway!!!

Just out of interest, how old are your children?

The kids are 7,9 and 11

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 08/10/2022 09:01

He's very unreasonable as a one off, or even a "now and then". You come as a package and if you love someone you help them out sometimes - step parent or otherwise.