To think overprotective parenting means kids today have a much worse quality of life

[Rainingpigs]

I grew up in the 80s and so perhaps have a very skewed view on this and I completely get the instinct to protect your kids and parents do it out of love. But, I voulenteer at a Cubs group (so age 7-10) and the kids there can do literally nothing for themselves, (on camp) are fussy eaters and have restaurant levels of specificity (e.g just plain pasta with nothing on it), are never allowed outside by themselves to play out but instead are ferried about from one pre planned activity to the next by parents.

For older kids, those as old as 13/14 their parents won’t let them get a bus into town with friends because of the perceived danger, people find it shocking there is any suggestion they would do something like trying alcohol, they’re tracked on their phones by their parents to see where they are at all times and have to give constant updates ect.

I’ve even seen cases of parents still grounding and tracking their 16/17 year old “children” (virtually adults IMO)

I’m not in any way blaming the kids and I do blush to think back to some of the things I did when I was young. However, I think that those growing up now risk not having had much of a life at all until they’re much older. Surely, the whole way you learn and become a well rounded adult is by doing stupid and risky things and learning from them. In general today it seems kids are far more anxious and less happy than they used to be. Aibu?

There was a documentary at the turn of the century I saw again recently, about poverty in England.

It was a pretty harrowing watch, but one of the notable things was how fit and athletic the children were. They were used to roaming free and fending for themselves.

Its a definite upside but the thing is, it is possible to have the advantages without the downsides. The national trust 50 things to do before you’re 11 3/4 is a good place to start. Run free, get covered in mud, climb trees, camp under the stars, roll down hills - but be safe.

Ive seen children of over protective parents rebel or and leave home early. Fine line between over protective and controlling coming into the teenage years.

I do a bit of work with teens and there's been a very profound shift over the last 6-7 years to it now being very rare to meet one with a bit of common sense who's fairly self sufficient and able to assess for themselves.

It isn't benefiting them.

I can’t think of a high profile murder/abduction since 2012 in the UK.

I know children have been tragically killed but I can’t think of any cases of ‘stranger danger’ in the last decade.

you Are right and it’s also why they are all anxious and have the worst mental health that is spiralling out of control.
when kids overcome hardship, solve problems, experience setbacks, have to do things they don’t want to do it builds resilience and self esteem, and releives anxiety because they realise they can cope with things.
When everything is too easy they get more anxiety.

"have to do things they don’t want to do."

This stands out to me. I can persuade pupils to do what they need to do but it is very hard when parents come in to insist that their child must be excused from the spelling test/homework/performance/whatever because it is causing 'uncontrollable anxiety'. I wish they would help their children to understandable that it is normal to worry about stuff sometimes, that we learn by going outside our comfort zone, that they will be proud after they have tackled the thing they're finding daunting.

Even worse when they're asking me to be the bad guy because they can't bear to tell their own child to go to bed, tidy their room, switch the games console off.

The causes of anxiety are complex. It sounds like you have a tiny bit of knowledge on the subject and then state that as fact as to why any child that has anxiety is suffering. Of course you’re reasons don’t stand up when we look at the amount of anxious adults who would have been those kids in the 80s. Or when they tell us that they’ve been anxious since childhood but the culture back then didn’t allow for it to be talked about. It’s a huge subject.

I think this hugely variable. I think my kids would manage fine on your camps. Largely because our life is so hectic that from a young age they know if it’s not packed themselves then it’s forgotten as the parents won’t remember.

I try to give reasonable freedom. I do confess to phone tracking for now.

I had a lot of freedom for similar reasons and am v independent

i know parents far more relaxed than I am (eg kids off to city 20 miles away from age 13 on bus) and I know parents more strict,

I grew up in the 1980s and remember being quite free range, but looking back we lived on a lovely middle class housing estate on the edge of a posh village. Not an inner city.
I have tried not to molly coddle my kids, and have mixed feelings about trackers - as a kid I wouldn't have been keen ..... Some parents do tend to hover a great deal over much older children which I find disturbing.
Perhaps it is like all things about balance. Younger primary school children need more guidance and care. Teens need a combination of some boundaries, some trust and enough freedom. To make mistakes, learn coping strategies and become more confident and able. That is growing up ideally.
I also think that the Internet is a source of great danger ( and wonder of course) . I don't think kids are safer indoors necessarily and they now need more skills to navigate life online as well as outside.

YABU in two ways.

I thing you have rose tinted glasses about the past - while I have many memories of the 80s that are fun, there were also some really dangerous and damaging things that happened which included serious injuries to peers, exposure to paedophiles, bullying with no adults willing to help, no accommodation of kids with additional needs.

Equally, I don't think your description of childhoods at present is fair either. My dc have played out since they were 4 or 5, which is very typical where I live. They have a fair amount of freedom to roam about (admittedly, it is rural small community) and spend time building dens in the woods and helping with farm jobs.

I think my dc have a very nice quality of life! Though I imagine when they are teens they will complain about not being in a town or city.

No it's not overprotective parenting it's always the ones that smack and treat their children like something they own that end up with issues

Much better to drive them there and just be a danger to other people’s children. Obviously it would be totally stupid to just teach them a bit about negotiating pavements safely and to have some expectation people who are going to drive on the pavement will actually be responsible for checking that it’s clear first. This idea it’s irresponsible parents vs irresponsible, selfish drivers that are the problem is a massive issue

Playing does not mean hanging around on a street corner at age 7-10. It usually consists of energetic games that are very beneficial.

100% agree with OP.
First sensible opinion I’ve read on MsNet all day.
Our DC are late 20s, but the change in parenting since then has been enormous.
Some absolutely suffocating parents now. Poor children.

I think what's problematic is when kids leave home at 18 and suddenly have to fend for themselves with no work up to it.

My dd walked to school alone from Y5 and could have done this earlier but the roads are bad near us. At 11 she was allowed to take the train to London with a friend and spend the day there (but not evenings). This worked well for us.

Also agree that my dds friends with strict parents did a lot of v risky stuff on the quiet and went wild at Uni

as proven again.... www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/4734058-so-worried-about-my-11yr-old-ds-walking-home-from-school-how-to-prepare-him

I think there is a balance. I spent my primary years in a Scandinavian country where kids were expected to walk to school alone from a young age, take risks, wander free and climb things, go fishing, camp out etc. But it was also a very safe country, outdoorsy etc. But it wasn't total liberalism, there were expectations on behaviour, and open with parents conversation on tough issues like drink and drugs.

When I came back to the UK I still wandered with mates, got the bus into town etc. It was a rougher area and when I look back there were risky moments, pervy men, gangs and bullies, more cars, more exposed electricity pylons that people climbed (yep, I knew someone who died on one of those), less safe bike routes.

I think risk should be measured. My kids get the bus alone to school age 10, but we eased into that. They hang out with mates and go to the park/shops/walk the dog, but when it gets to evening they have to come home/stay closer.

They cook by themselves, pack their own holiday bags, sort out their school stuff each day.

But in the evenings I still drive them to their dance classes and ferry them about.

The children that were parented like that are choosing not to parent their own children that way. You have to assume that they have their reasons.

But then again the parents of the 80s/90s didn’t parent the way they did in the 60s/70s, it’s just natural progression and the changing of societal norms. The main yardstick is, are our kids happier and healthier? I don’t think so.

@Caplin the right balance in my view.

It's a perpetual pendulum swing, that's my point, but for me I don't look back and feel free, I look back and understand why we focus more on safeguarding children.

My mum doesn't let my kids do what she let me do at that age, not because I wouldn't approve, but because a lot of it wasn't safe! And I think my parents were among the more uptight of 80s parents in almost every way!

My son is 10 and hasn't:

Been flashed at
Witnessed a knife fight
Got lost in a disused underground shelter/bunker in the woods (?!?!)
Been badly injured on barbed wire and tried to hide it
Learned to avoid 'the man in the park'
Been smacked by a teacher
Fallen off a six foot flat roof at school

So, in terms of my personal experience of childhood vs his, I believe it is happier and healthier. I'm sure he will choose to do things differently but we are all products of our upbringing, so you can't separate one generation from another so neatly.

Fwiw, I think the nature of schooling, the degree of parental scrutiny, and the rise of mass and social media play more of a party in the general culture of anxiety (in both children and adults) than parents driving their kids around or keeping closer tabs on their whereabouts.

I mean none of that happened to me (knife fights wtf?) and I grew up in the 90s/early 2000s with a very loose ‘leash’.

There's a balance. I walked to school throughout primary, with siblings to start, then later alone. I was physically assaulted twice in all those years and flashed at and asked if I'd like to suck a man's cock, aged about 9. In secondary years I caught the train. It was a case of dodging the DC of the other secondary school nearby, where physical violence and theft was very real. I was probably groped by strangers about ten times before the age of 18.

I'd like to think my DD hasn't encountered these things. She's walked to school since year 7 and regularly goes shopping with mates, or a walk in the country. They've taken public transport for days out elsewhere. But we're on the phone if she needs us.

Can she cook and iron as well as I could at her age? No. But she has a good level of self esteem that was taken from me by my experiences.

I lived in London and from about the age of 12 I was regularly allowed to take my zone 1-6 railcard and leave for the day to wherever I ended up. This was before I had a mobile phone (BT Chargecard for the win!!), and I ended up everywhere from Brixton to Kensington and I was convinced of my own immortality so I did end up in some weird situations and if things had turned south, nobody would have known where I was.

My main memory of that time is of adrenaline - I was already a bit of an outcast, and keen to fit in so I was ill-equipped to avoid trouble and skirted too close too often. I was lucky enough that I was never involved with anything too heavy although I did have some very questionable 'boyfriends' and got scared a few times.

In my case, I am more inclined to foster a more nurturing home life and try to provide an environment that doesn't encourage that kind of thrill-seeking.