To think overprotective parenting means kids today have a much worse quality of life

[Rainingpigs]

I grew up in the 80s and so perhaps have a very skewed view on this and I completely get the instinct to protect your kids and parents do it out of love. But, I voulenteer at a Cubs group (so age 7-10) and the kids there can do literally nothing for themselves, (on camp) are fussy eaters and have restaurant levels of specificity (e.g just plain pasta with nothing on it), are never allowed outside by themselves to play out but instead are ferried about from one pre planned activity to the next by parents.

For older kids, those as old as 13/14 their parents won’t let them get a bus into town with friends because of the perceived danger, people find it shocking there is any suggestion they would do something like trying alcohol, they’re tracked on their phones by their parents to see where they are at all times and have to give constant updates ect.

I’ve even seen cases of parents still grounding and tracking their 16/17 year old “children” (virtually adults IMO)

I’m not in any way blaming the kids and I do blush to think back to some of the things I did when I was young. However, I think that those growing up now risk not having had much of a life at all until they’re much older. Surely, the whole way you learn and become a well rounded adult is by doing stupid and risky things and learning from them. In general today it seems kids are far more anxious and less happy than they used to be. Aibu?

Yes my 7 year old friend who was killed crossing the road while walking to school on his own in the ‘80s is very glad he didn’t have helicopter parents.

Mine went to forest school twice a week, as I wanted them to have freedom and get wet and dirty, but with certain supervision. It did them the world of good. I never wanted them to trail the streets, although if we had lived out rurally I would have been maybe a bit more relaxed.

I agree and I wonder if this is one of the reasons why so many youngsters seem to suffer with mental health difficulties nowadays. They haven't been prepared to deal with real life. Nobody is allowed to lose, nobody is allowed to suffer disappointment. Cushioned from every small thing that they might not like.

I completely agree but you cannot raise your kids like we were raised because its just seen as neglect now. Crazy and sad tbh.

This sounds like 1980s Eastenders.

No, which is a good thing. However, they will still experience this later on and might be completely horrified /not knowing what to do when that happens...
I feel I'm very good at keeping myself safe because of past experiences.
I don't have the answer to how we sort men who think it's ok to behave like this out, which would be the optimum solution, so in the meantime I'll tell my daughter that she should never feel she has to hide /let things happen to her.

That’s sad. To this day I believe road traffic accidents are the main cause of death for children.

I think one of the hardest things when you a parent is to get the balance of overprotection/protection right.

I think if you overprotective your child will get to teenage years and either become clueless, anxious or rebel. Good luck all 😉😉

I also think that there is also a lit of parents that would like to do more "free range parenting" but it's not OK in their surroundings. I'm not from the UK originally and one of the things I worry about having kids (someday) in the UK is thay my norms might be too different and will get me in trouble.

Also I feel like the kids need to have a quick learning curve. They are a bit older before allowed to use public transportation alone or stay home alone for the evening. But then expected to have Saturday jobs quite young and only having a few years to prepare before moving to uni.

I agree OP. I think there is a tendency amongst parents that I know to make everything right for their children. So they never have to deal with difficult situations or problems. I think children and young people need love and support. They also need their parents to give them confidence and the tools to deal with life. Also trusting your children to do the right thing. It gives them confidence and I think builds good relationships with parents.

@Georgeskitchen couldn't agree more!

It’s hard sometimes to find a balance.

I do drive my son to places as it’s quicker and easier to get to places then hang around for public transport.

I do track his phone but I don’t sit tracking him every second he is out. I only check it if I have messaged/phoned him and he hasnt replied when he is in town with his friends. It’s also good if the phone gets lost we can track it down.

many class him as a fussy eater before realising he has food allergies so worry’s about new foods.

I grew up in the 80’s, was allowed to play out from the age of 8/9, just had to be home for tea or before it was dark, parents didn’t really know what we were up too. I was going to the pub by 14. I’m not sure it was a good thing, I was sexually assaulted by older men on many occasions and ended up being groomed by a older man when I was 15. I was sensible but when it came to men I didn’t have a clue about the risks.

@Revolvingwhore No, but I lived in an area with a canal, main roads and a fair number of dodgy adult men. And we pretty much all played out unsupervised very young.

My kids don't have the freedom I had, but they don't have the risks and fear either. They also get to do a lot I didn't.

We all make our own risk assessments. A lot of parents in our circle think I allow too much because I allow physical risk (tree climbing, paddling in rivers, sea swimming, using adult tools, camp fires etc) very young.

@Cuppasoupmonster no, it looked really quiet from the outside! But there were risks. We were next to a river with a weir that kills a kid every decade or so, and a lot of sheltered accommodation type places, being so quiet.

Well I was groomed and raped by a 30 year old man at the age of 13 and homeless by 16. Maybe I am a little overprotective but I don't really have a clue how to parent, I have been making it up as I go along. I just know what I didn't want to be.

Oh My God Yes!! This scares me so much, and you see it all the time! Little kids wobbling all over the place on their bikes or tearing ahead on their scooters.

@Banana7 we talk about assault and men's behaviour when it comes up. Which it does. She's still only 10, but she's developing young so she's already starting to get looks in the street - it won't be long before the comments start. I'm actively working on teaching her in advance how to cope with that, instead if her having to work it out herself whilst legging it to the bus stop with a friend and hoping they didn't catch up!

I do think life has become very sterile, introspective and solemn compared to how it was. My teen years were quite extreme - lots of wild camping and getting drunk, out of control parties that ended up in newspapers, staying over boys houses all the time because my parents didn’t care where I was. However, it taught me an awful lot about my limits, how what can seem ‘fun’ really isn’t, and how to recognise when a situation was getting dangerous or worrying and how to escape it. I don’t think that’s the kind of thing you can ‘teach’. The girls whose parents were very protective ended up getting their stomachs pumped at university because they were determined to ‘make up for lost time’ and went totally overboard.

This matters.
Children need space to make safe mistakes and managed choices. That's not the same as churning them out and letting them fend for themselves until tea-time.

I was chatting with my 9yo about an activity that he kind of wants to do but is wobbling on. I talked him through different outcomes and consequences and what would happen if he drops out. It's his choice, but I'm not going to sugar coat it for him and he needs to learn how to manage these things for himself.

I learned far more from promising the world in the introduction of my first GCSE coursework and failing to create the content in a weekend and getting a poor grade than I would have from a micro-managing parent ensuring I passed.

Academic expections are harsh these days which is a double whammy of stress itself and taking away healthy down time for things like sports. There's a lot of spoonfeeding so that schools generate the right data to survive and young people hit adulthood without having developed all the skills they need for college/university.

Things like Scouting/ Guiding/ DoE are great for safely nuturing skills, development and problem solving and I find that they are useful in helping me keep pace of what my children are capable of doing and trying to find the middle ground between helicoptering and being too free range and giving them a space to safely stretch themselves.

Then there's the whole minefield of the online world/ social media before their social and critical.skills are well-developed.

Whilst I think kids miss out on certain things, I do wonder why people think that experiencing something at a younger age is preparation for later life.

Someone said that being harassed by men at a younger age prepares them for it as an adult. How exactly?

My eldest is only 8 but they often play in the back garden while I clean up the house,she knows how to make basic foods and use the gas hob,she also walks to our local shop uses my bank card to grab basic things! But doesn't play out on the streets! We do lots of things together where I let her pay for both our bus tickets plan our route we have also done open water swimming,wild camping in the hope as she gets older shes used to these things and knows the dangers ect.
My brother who is 11 wouldn't have the foggiest clue 9n how to do basic living and I can she him becoming a problematic teen has he finds his way on life.

Yes, overall I think you are right.

And also I'd say that it's been having a significant effect on kid's development into adults.

Of course you get people who point out that some kids did have bad things happen. But what people often seem to forget is that minimizing risk is not a one sided calculation. It's always a balance, where the actions you take have their own results in terms of risk, happiness, mental health, and so on.

So while some changes to parenting may be good it's not wholly a question of simply removing all risks is always an improvement.

I totally agree with you. Children have lost all their physical freedom. Even teenagers have their spending and movement tracked via apps. A combination of social isolation and need to seek out private spaces pushes them into risky online environments.

This.

For a lot of children, a life with more risk wasn’t happier.