To think overprotective parenting means kids today have a much worse quality of life

[Rainingpigs]

I grew up in the 80s and so perhaps have a very skewed view on this and I completely get the instinct to protect your kids and parents do it out of love. But, I voulenteer at a Cubs group (so age 7-10) and the kids there can do literally nothing for themselves, (on camp) are fussy eaters and have restaurant levels of specificity (e.g just plain pasta with nothing on it), are never allowed outside by themselves to play out but instead are ferried about from one pre planned activity to the next by parents.

For older kids, those as old as 13/14 their parents won’t let them get a bus into town with friends because of the perceived danger, people find it shocking there is any suggestion they would do something like trying alcohol, they’re tracked on their phones by their parents to see where they are at all times and have to give constant updates ect.

I’ve even seen cases of parents still grounding and tracking their 16/17 year old “children” (virtually adults IMO)

I’m not in any way blaming the kids and I do blush to think back to some of the things I did when I was young. However, I think that those growing up now risk not having had much of a life at all until they’re much older. Surely, the whole way you learn and become a well rounded adult is by doing stupid and risky things and learning from them. In general today it seems kids are far more anxious and less happy than they used to be. Aibu?

I should say when I say “cases” I mean stuff I’ve read on here and also what I’ve known from friends IRL

On the other hand, my kids won't have to deal with harassment from men outside the halfway house following us into town each time because we were young and vulnerable. They won't be as likely to get run over on the main road through the estate because they were playing out and not looking, like a girl in my school. Or get run over on the train tracks. Or drown in the canal. Or get relentlessly bullied out of adult sight for years, physically. Or get regularly stalked.

All happened in my primary school.

Is the world really that bad? Do you send your kids our in full armour?

Maybe you just had very hands off parents, I don’t think it’s specifically an 80 parents vs modern parenting thing.

I wasn’t allowed into town on my own at 13 in the 90s and drinking at 13 was definitely not normal in any of the circles I know.

My DD is younger than 7-10 but I wouldn’t let her randomly play in the street at that age. We live in a city, in a busy area and I just don’t think it’s particularly beneficial for her to hang around a street corner at 7.

I don’t think any of that is helicopter parenting.

No I disagree. I was born in the 80s. My parents were very protective. I was always given food I'd eat and never forced to eat things I don't like. I was never allowed to wander the town unsupervised - I was allowed to play in the front garden with the neighbours' children as long as I was in sight of the house and always came in at 6pm for dinner, didn't go back out again. I was never left with babysitters I didn't know. I was walked or driven to school by a parent until secondary, when I started getting the bus alone. I was allowed out with friends as a teen but not for hours and hours with no contact - usually a friend's house where I was dropped off and picked up at specified times. I was not allowed to drink as a teen and absolutely never took drugs. I don't feel like I missed out or can't cope in any way because of it. In fact, I always felt very safe and secure as a child - I always felt like my parents were there to protect and look after me. I was very close to them and still am. As an adult I've done the whole uni thing, lived abroad, had a busy and active social life and am now married with DC. I remember my childhood very fondly and I'm pretty confident and have good self-esteem. I'd say I'm resilient too. And happy! So no. I think the best thing to do for your kids is love and listen to them and keep them safe. That's what I am going to strive to do as a parent.

Crikey where did you go, Waterloo Road?

I think this varies quite a lot depending where you live as well as between families.
Most people do seem to use a tracker but i think parents of the past would have done if they'd existed.

I got the bus to school at 7 and used to take the train a few stops to the local small city to meet with friends for the day at 13. Which seems unthinkable now, but it’s also quite sad so many kids will miss out on innocent mischief and those ‘coming of age’ memories.

I honestly don’t know. My DC are still young but you still have posters on Mumsnet asserting that by that age children in country X are walking to school alone and honestly, I was walking to school alone by year 3/4… so, I do on half believe them. But my oldest is a complete danger to himself. It’s not that he’s no used to crossing roads or traffic as we do it every single day - we walk 95% of the time and rarely get the car - so why he has 5 near misses on every school run, I don’t know. Is it that in years gone by parents wouldn’t have cared? Or would he be much more sensible if this was 1980? - and HOW?! I honestly don’t know.

I find a lot of overprotective parents were children who knew only too well the dangers of the world too young.

Oh YANBU from so many angles, only recently there’s been people claiming that a 5yr old walking 40min to school (slowly) is grounds to call childline and today apparently you can’t possibly take toddlers on a weekend break to Edinburgh in December because it will be cold and dark and there’s nothing to entertain them 🙄

I was primary aged in the 70s, brought up by DGM, highly protective, risk adverse. She wouldn't let me use knives, even tried stopping me when I was in my 20s and a parent..I might cut myself 🤣
But I walked to school independently at 9, caught buses into town with friends at 10, was out cycling/playing all day at 10.

I hear stuff like that trotted out all the time but I don’t actually think being protected harms children. Lack of supervision has far more catastrophic consequences.

I definitely knew a lot of fussy eaters when I was growing up in the 80s. I think diets now are healthier and more varied overall.

i do agree that kids maybe are over scheduled and don’t have enough bored time. I don’t think that necessarily needs to take place in the street. I’m in London and am actively trying to prevent my kids’ childhoods from resembling my partner’s, which was very free, unsupervised and scary and continues to impact him now at almost 40.

I’m one of those ‘overprotective’ mothers but equally we’ve put a big emphasis on being independent and taking responsibility. So they were expected to speak to adults like doctors or teachers when addressed - we never spoke for them. We encouraged them all to join scouts and take part hikes and camping. They packed their own stuff for school and holidays. They sorted out their own school stuff and kit for extracurricular activities. They were expected to eat a wide range of foods without fussing. Obviously we were there as a supportive backstop but essentially whatever we thought they could handle, we let them do it. What we didn’t do was to take risks with their safety and well-being by letting them travel around our (rough AF) city at night and alone.

I remember the 1980s well. I’m still struggling with eating issues from being forced to clear my plate and eat anything and everything. One of my friends died out playing on her bicycle. I was raped as a teen. I could go on, but who needs to hear it.

YABU.

i see all sorts of shit I think is crazy parenting today that everyone seems fine with - eg 3/4 year olds scooting along the pavements to nursery. If you ignore the chance of them falling over into the road, I can’t for the life of me work out how parents are ok with the idea of a car backing out of any of the driveways and hitting their scooting child. They are at the perfect eye level to get missed in a car and I think it’s insane but no one seems to think so.

I do know a couple of very anxious young adults and they did have very over protective parents, both boys actually. I remember my mate wouldn’t let her DS jump off a fallen log it wasn’t super high or anything. I on the other had taught my DS how to climb trees. He now WFH and most of his social life is online gaming. I know the world is far more online, I personally utilise online services a lot but he seems really disconnected. Apparently he has become very right wing and very ranty. He seems just the sort to end up falling in to the incel community.

I defo had fussy eater friends in the 80s. I played a bit with neighbours in London & you would never see that now on the same roads. I agree kids are more anxious & stressed but think there are a number of reasons.

I agree with you, Viking Lady.

For me, that is what organised sport is for, to have the thrills and to challenge yourself, without risking seriously hurting yourself falling out of a tree or bathing in a dangerous lock, in which one person, on average, used to be killed every year. This was the 70s, for me.

Motorists have followed the example of cyclists and scooterists, in our part of London, and now don't bother to stop, not only at a pedestrian crossing crossing, but even at the ones with traffic lights and shrill sounds. It's like, 'I can drive across, and you will just have to dodge me.' One lady I spoke to said she has nearly been knocked down on the crossing 4 times! No. I think parents are right to want to keep their kids safe, especially during the darker evenings.

I also went to school alone from about year 6/7. I did see prostitutes, pimps, perverts but that was just parts of London in those days & it didn't particularly frighten me. I do think I was more streetwise at an earlier age & was very sensible as a teen because I needed to have my wits about me. I want my dc to have that but I also want to wrap them up a bit, it's hard.

I think society has changed too. So in my opinion I feel a lot more pressured as a parent to do the right thing.

For example I left my children (7 and 4) alone in the backgarden whilst I was tidying in the adjoining playroom which leads out to the small garden. I could see/hear them. They were playing in the sandpit which I don't deem dangerous.

A well meaning neighbour knocked on my door after 15 minutes to Inform me that my children were outside without being supervised by an adult.. I grew up in the early 90s and by 7 I would play out on the street with the neighbours kids for most of the summer holidays whilst my mum was cleaning the house - noone questioned it.

My childhood was very different to my kids (born in 76), yes I do think they’ve missed out on care free times with friends as I was out playing from age 7. But I don’t think they’ve missed out not out drinking on the local common and running from the police. Or having underage sex or perverted men at the local taxi office sexually assaulting them. Two are adults, perfectly capable of looking after themselves and none of my kids have ever been tracked. That said kids in my home town are still doing the same things I did in secondary so maybe it depends where you live!

@Thecat19342 I agree with, there's a lot more judgement on parents. My mum was often late picking us up from school or left us in the car when she popped into the shop.

Depends where you live. I live somewhere very remote and the kids are free to roam. Nobody locks their doors and everyone keeps an eye out for everyone else’s kids.

I don't believe dc have missed out not being looked after properly and supervised.

I believe dc miss out massively on positive social connections and community. That's my theory on why there is so much depression and anxiety nowadays.