AIBU?
DS got a tattoo - AIBU to be furious?
balbach · 07/10/2022 19:02
I'm posting to see if I'm being U to be furious.
My son is 16, he goes through phases of wanting things then losing interest (like most teens probably!), for about a year he'd been going on about wanting an eyebrow piercing, in the end I let him and it was only in for about 6/7 months until he lost interest and took it out.
He’d also been asking for a lip piercing recently, I said no and he's now lost interest in that - the same as a nose piercing. Those are just examples of how quickly he changes his mind.
He's always said he wanted a tattoo, recently he's decided what of and had been asking me, I've said no and he needs to wait until he's 18 which he wasn't happy about. He came back home today with DP and he's had the tattoo, he had given him consent and I'm furious.
DP says I'm overreacting and it's just a tattoo and doesn't seem to understand he's in the wrong.
AIBU?
balbach · 07/10/2022 20:15
I said no to the piercings due to school. DP isn't his biological dad but DS calls him dad etc as he doesn't see his “real” one.
DP did tell me prior it was DS’s choice etc but I didn't expect him to do it behind my back, I wouldn't be furious if he was 18 as it would be legal and he could've gone on his own without needing DP. I am more furious at DP, yes.
BattenburgDonkey · 07/10/2022 20:16
OnaBegonia · 07/10/2022 20:13
Only on MN have I found this disgust at tattoos, it's in his arm, not yours, he's 16, an adult he doesn't need your permission for what he does to his own body; be is a tattoo or a piercing.
You are just flat wrong, 16 is not an adult, and tattoos are illegal until age 18 as a result.
BirdyWoof · 07/10/2022 20:19
YANBU. I have several tattoos but you should wait until you’re 18 (personally I think 21). It’s such a permanent decision and you should be going into it with a love for the artistry. Good tattoos cost £££. My artist charges £100 per hour as an example.
Not going to some back alley scratcher to get a shite tattoo that looks like garbage from the first day for the sake of being able to say “I have a tattoo”.
Your husband was an idiot and by taking him to someone while underage he’s at a much higher risk of the tattoo becoming infected. Why would the tattoo “artist” worry about cleanliness when they don’t care about the legality of tattooing a minor?
BattenburgDonkey · 07/10/2022 20:22
OnaBegonia · 07/10/2022 20:19
At 16 you can be married, join the army, vote, I think the choice to pierce or tattoo should be his, not for his mummy to be furious about.
My 17 yr old came back from a holiday with a tattoo, it's hers to live with not mine.
You can’t vote until 18 in England and you need parental permission to get married at 16.
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/10/2022 20:23
balbach · 07/10/2022 20:15
I said no to the piercings due to school. DP isn't his biological dad but DS calls him dad etc as he doesn't see his “real” one.
DP did tell me prior it was DS’s choice etc but I didn't expect him to do it behind my back, I wouldn't be furious if he was 18 as it would be legal and he could've gone on his own without needing DP. I am more furious at DP, yes.
Disney stepdad. Classy.
What a wanker. I wouldn't be with a man who ignored my parenting decisions about my own child.
Soakitup37 · 07/10/2022 20:25
the more you say no the more he’ll push to break the boundaries. It’s something he has to live with not you. If he regrets it, he’s learnt from it, he likes it, that’s fair,
16 is a really strong age for testing the waters on your independence. I got my first tattoo at 15, I don’t like it now but it’s small on my back. I have 7 more that I love. My original tattoo is part of my journey.
let him make small mistakes, then he’ll learn to be careful before making the big ones.
Soontobe60 · 07/10/2022 20:28
balbach · 07/10/2022 19:18
DP’s friend did it apparently. It is small but will be noticeable when wearing just a tshirt, I think it is something he'll regret as it's a character of some sort so not anything meaningful!
Is this ‘friend’ an actual working tattoo artist? I’d be reporting them to the local council for breach of their licence - tattooing someone under 18. If they did it at home instead of at the tattoo parlour, this is also a breach of their licence.
pigsDOfly · 07/10/2022 20:34
I'd be more concerned about the type of tattoo studio your DP took him to.
Anywhere where they're not worried about doing an illegal tattoo on someone aged 16 isn't going to be terribly worried about hygiene either I imagine.
There's no such thing as parental consent to enable a minor to get a tattoo in the uk (I'm assuming you're in the uk OP)
PanPacificBallroomChampion · 07/10/2022 20:47
If the tattooist is prepared to overlook your DS ages - a parent can’t give permission, the law is 18 - what else have they overlooked? If they think it’s ok with permission how young a child would they be prepared to tattoo? Hopefully they don’t cut corners with their hygiene. I would be contacting the licensing officer at the local police or trading standards. And as for DP giving permission, well he’s an idiot, putting it mildly.
Sunnyqueen · 07/10/2022 20:50
I got my first tattoo on my 16th birthday. Its very very shit and out of fashion now (proper 90s tribal) and honestly i completely forget its even there most of the time. I don't care that its shit it still symbolises a time in my life. I would only be annoyed if it were a face tatt or something really offensive. I think the undermining from dad is worse.
Kualma · 07/10/2022 21:30
OnaBegonia · 07/10/2022 20:19
At 16 you can be married, join the army, vote, I think the choice to pierce or tattoo should be his, not for his mummy to be furious about.
My 17 yr old came back from a holiday with a tattoo, it's hers to live with not mine.
You can no longer get married at 16 in England
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/10/2022 21:40
Branleuse · 07/10/2022 21:37
Its his body. If its something easily covered up, then I dont think I could get worked up about it.
I'm curious what your cut off is. 16 is clearly fine, what about 14? 12?
Because tattooing children permanently is obviously not nothing. And there has to be a lower age.
Charcy · 07/10/2022 22:10
OnaBegonia · 07/10/2022 20:13
Only on MN have I found this disgust at tattoos, it's in his arm, not yours, he's 16, an adult he doesn't need your permission for what he does to his own body; be is a tattoo or a piercing.
Absolutely none of this is true. Pipe down.
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