AIBU?
DS got a tattoo - AIBU to be furious?
balbach · 07/10/2022 19:02
I'm posting to see if I'm being U to be furious.
My son is 16, he goes through phases of wanting things then losing interest (like most teens probably!), for about a year he'd been going on about wanting an eyebrow piercing, in the end I let him and it was only in for about 6/7 months until he lost interest and took it out.
He’d also been asking for a lip piercing recently, I said no and he's now lost interest in that - the same as a nose piercing. Those are just examples of how quickly he changes his mind.
He's always said he wanted a tattoo, recently he's decided what of and had been asking me, I've said no and he needs to wait until he's 18 which he wasn't happy about. He came back home today with DP and he's had the tattoo, he had given him consent and I'm furious.
DP says I'm overreacting and it's just a tattoo and doesn't seem to understand he's in the wrong.
AIBU?
Cinders88 · 07/10/2022 19:48
I had a tattoo at 15 with my parents’ consent.
For context, I’m the youngest of three sisters. My sisters were told they couldn’t have tattoos and got them anyway behind my parents’ back. My parents didn’t know where they’d got them done, who did them or what hygiene practices were followed. By the time I was asking for a tattoo, my parents had the mindset that they may as well agree, come with me to ensure hygiene, etc.
I think my parents did the most responsible thing .. I looked older than my age and there would have been a tattooist willing to do it anyway. I actually do regret the tattoo I got at 15 (although I’ve got more since) but I don’t blame my parents in any way.
If my DS wants a tattoo at a young age, I’d probably do the same. I’d rather be a part of the decision than him do it behind my back and have no knowledge of it.
In your scenario though OP, I’d be annoyed that DP didn’t discuss it first. I would expect something like this to be a joint decision.
SoUpset1984 · 07/10/2022 19:55
ErinAoife · 07/10/2022 19:50
The nephew of my ex husband had a tattoo at 14, his father gave him parental consent, they live in Ireland where there is no minimum legal age to get a tattoo but under 17 need parental consent. He is now 30 and regrets his tattoo.
Wrong, you have to be 18 in Ireland to get a tattoo.
They won't accept parental consent,that's only for piercings.
And it's always been like that.
But and it's a big but there are places that will tattoo you no questions asked.
I got my first at 17 and I didn't even look 17😂 but that was 32 years ago and I know they have really tightened up regarding I'd.
TastesLikeFlavourlessFizz · 07/10/2022 19:59
TheWitchersWife · 07/10/2022 19:09
I call BS purely because no tattooist will tattoo a 16yr old. It’s illegal and if caught they risk loosing their license. It’s not worth it.
I got my first tattoo at 15. Without parental consent. So did most my friends. If you are paying money, someone, somewhere will do you want. I don't even know if they had a license but they did have a shop.
Same age for me. Wasn’t even a dodgy place - they just didn’t ask for ID. We could get into bars and clubs at that age without being ID’d so presumably I just looked a few years older.
And in response to the original question…YABU. It’s just a tattoo. But regardless, it’s permanent so there’s no point being furious - or anything else - about it.
Also - those of us who fall out of love with our tattoos don’t all go on to regret them. I just feel nothing about them and have done nothing about getting them removed.
EarlofShrewsbury · 07/10/2022 20:00
I don't have any tattoos but view them as a map of someone's life.
He may not be into the character any more in couple of years but it doesn't change the fact that he once was, enough to get a tattoo.
Every tattoo tells a story, good or bad. Personalities are as unique as looks and he's just showing off his.
HighlandPony · 07/10/2022 20:01
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Plenty will. I got two at fifteen to cover the ones we did with needle and Indian ink in the school toilets at twelve.
Honestly if mine were to get one then I’d rather they got it done properly rather than how we did it in school.
lljkk · 07/10/2022 20:03
Are you angry at your DS, at his friend, or both?
What does it mean if your DP is "right" and you are "wrong", anyway? How can your feelings be "wrong" ? Do you mean, "wrong" that you believe this is a very bad thing?
DD got a tat in Uni dorms when she was 19. I was disappointed, not least because it's crude, sloppy but I'm grateful it's also small & simple, could be covered up with something nicer when she's older.
I honestly think of all the stupid things teens can do, you probably got off lightly. I'm not sure this event is worth your fury. Save your energy for the stupider things they might get up to.
DD started smoking at 17/18 & I am way more upset (sad not angry) about that, especially when she lied to deny it... although glad she has now switched to vaping. I might even buy her some vapes for this Xmas.
BattenburgDonkey · 07/10/2022 20:03
I think you’ve made a mistake controlling what he does with his body up until now, saying he can’t have piercings as he will get bored, they are easily removable and it’s his body so what’s the harm? You’ve shown you aren’t going to be happy or listen regardless of his age so he’s gone off and done it anyway. I’d be furious at your DP for doing it behind your back though, is he your sons dad?
MyneighbourisTotoro · 07/10/2022 20:09
I’d be more concerned at where they went for the tattoo as any decent tattooist would refuse to give a 16 year old a tattoo even with parental consent as it’s illegal.
Has he been told how to help it heal and looking after it?
Its too late now so let him live and learn from it, if it’s a bad tattoo he’ll come to regret it and he’ll have to deal with saving up to get it removed/covered up.
Newsorrynewagain · 07/10/2022 20:11
I got my first at 15, 25 years ago. Had it removed about 16 years ago. I also got my 2nd at 16, which I plan to get covered. However as others have said it’s done now
i think I’d keep your anger for your dp, did he say previously that he was ok about it. Did you discuss it with him prior to today?
mummabubs · 07/10/2022 20:15
I've got tattoos myself, as has DH (Nothing huge but they're visible). I wouldn't be happy with this at all, for several reasons. Firstly, as others have said it's illegal in the UK to tattoo anyone under 18, irregardless of parental consent. Secondly, the hormonal and neurological changes occurring at 16 years old age mean behaviour is more likely to be impulsive. He likely has no firm idea if he'd want the same design in the same place or even a tattoo at all in a few years time! (I knew the design and position I wanted for 2 years before I got mine in my mid twenties. Means I don't regret them now). Thirdly you've got a full on DP problem here, he massively undermined you and had no right to go behind your back on this. Piss poor parenting and husbanding.
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