To go on holiday without DC’s

[pitersanset]

Looking for other peoples opinions really, I have a DS from a previous relationship, he's 17, I also have a 9 yo with current partner so they're not exactly small children.

Partner wants us to go away for a few days (Thursday-Monday morn/afternoon), to somewhere in the uk, they'll be at college and school most of the time except the weekend. DS1 is sort of sensible but he does have ADHD, they get along fairly well although do have the odd bicker here and there. BIL doesn't live that fair away and has said they can go to his for their dinner but it isn't possible for them to stay due to space etc.

WIBU?

You can't leave a 9yo with his 17yo brother overnight. (I know that 17yo have children but he's not the dad)
17yo is fine left alone but I'd be looking for someone to look after the 9yo. Can the person picking him up from school have him? Or can BIL stay at your house?

I wouldn't leave a 9 year old with a 17 year old. Can your BIL stay at yours?

I wouldn’t leave 2 children of that age alone overnight

BIL can't stay at ours unfortunately. My mum would be picking up DS2 from school, DS1 doesn't get along with her and he doesn't think she likes him either as she favours DS2, so them staying with her isn't possible.

Looks like you can’t go then

They are close and they'd be out of the house most of the time

Doesn’t matter how close they are, you cannot leave them.

I'd be ashamed I hadn't been able to trust either of mine to look after a younger sibling at 17.

Plus what are they going to do all weekend? It’s only the Friday they are at school/college

I trust mine to do it but I don’t think it would be fair on her
I’d be ashamed of dumping my 9 year old with a teenager so I could go on a jolly

Can your 9yo stay with your mum and 17yo stay home by himself?

So maybe the 9yo goes to his grannies for a few days and the 17yo stays at home?

DS2 does a club on a Saturday, DS1 goes to the football sometimes on a Saturday with BIL and DP, obviously DP won't be with them but they still might go depending if the team they watch are home or not, but if not he’ll do his own thing and on a Sunday we usually go to MIL so they'd probably still go there.

I think if DS2 went to my mums he'd be upset as he already thinks she's doesn't like him.

Would it make more sense to go away Monday - Wednesday, then they would be at school almost all of the time?

DP wouldn't be able to get the time off work unfortunately as other people are off on those days, he can the Friday as no one is off and he's off on a Monday anyway

No, absolutely not. I think you’re being unfair on your 17 year old. Unless the 9 year old can stay with grandparents then, no.

Your DS1 doesn't need to stay, just DS2.

17 year old I would leave, no problem at all.
not with a nine year old though.
being responsible for yourself for a few days is very different to being responsible for a young child.
sorry op. Hope you get something sorted

No 9 year old defo needs someone to put him to bed and be with him over the weekend and the evenings. It's not just about emergencies is about him not feeling abandoned by adults. He needs some one to care for him.

Sell it as 17yo being old enough to be responsible but little brother not. (Or do you honestly think he would prefer being responsible for him instead of relaxing?)

Really? I'd think a 17 year old would jump at the chance to have the house to himself rather than be sitting there desolate because his step dad's mum doesn't like him. If you think they'd probably both go to mils for Sunday if you did go she can't hate him that much!

Sounds quite reasonable to me that someone would be ok to babysit their own 9 year old grandchild but wouldn't want a 17 year old male they aren't related to staying over -doesn't mean she doesn't like him but they are 2 very different relationships!

DS2 usually puts himself to bed anyway, I don't think it'd be very fair on DS1 if DS2 stayed with my mum as he already thinks she doesn't like him as she favours DS2, and makes it obvious

It's not fair for 9 year old to put himself to bed for 4 nights in a row without a responsible adult.

What a stupid comment. Its fine to leave them for a hours but for multiple days and nights is really irresponsible and you would be in deep shit if something happened to the 9 year old while you were off on a jolly.

The 17 year old can be left alone but you need to find somewhere for the 9 year old to stay or just not go

YABU - I can't believe your DP has even suggested it. Why can't you take your 9 year old with you? Or both of them?